bluebelle

I am making some good changes in my life right now. I've been working toward some career goals for a long time now, and this is part of that. It's exciting, but scary at the same time. I'm leaping forward with my eyes wide open, but I'm still leaping.

I have this fear that somehow one of the addicts will derail me. I know that it is up to me. I make my own choices. I can't "blame" an addict if something doesn't go right.

My AM is traveling soon to see my eldery grandparents. That seems like a disaster waiting to happen. She is also bipolar, and I'm not sure she's even going to be able to handle traveling on a plane. My grandparents have made the choice to have her visit. I don't feel that it is a safe situation, but it is their choice. It's one of those things that is out of my hands.

My RABF seems to be moving on his recovery well. He has been clean for over 2 years. Our life together is pretty stable. I have gotten much better about staying out of his recovery. I'll admit that I sometimes throw hints his way or make comments, but really, I'm much, much better.

My ASD is not in a good place. She got herself kicked out of rehab. Of course, there are all kinds of excuses and about why it is not her fault. She is probably either already back on heroin, or will be back in that place soon. They had her on methadone, but who knows whether she is staying on it outpatient.

So, there are some more addicts in my life, but I won't go into that. I think I've listed enough stories. The bottom line is that no matter what choices they make, I still make the choice to live chaos free and to reach for my goals.

Thanks for listening.