aliveforme

I am married to an RA. He is a very caring, affectionate, warm hearted man who makes me laugh and helps out. Basically a great guy. I am a "normie".
There is something about him I don't quite get and I'm wondering if it will change with time. He had 13 months sober and relapsed for four months....not totally crazy but still. Now on almost a month sober.
He believes very strongly in the twelve steps....which is great....but these seem to be the ONLY tools he can or wants to use in processing and dealing with everyday life. I see or use many more nuances ways....there are so many different ways to think about and handle life events. Is it normal for RAs to just use the twelve steps only or do they grow into others? Thanks

Carol Star

Bill Wilson I think was a genius. As a recovering alcoholic/addict myself this is the ONLY thing that worked for me. No Human power could have relieved my addictions. The Swiss shrink ,Carl Jung, had told him alcoholics missed the motivation to quit without a spiritual connection. The steps lead one to a spiritual awakening. They work in Alanon too......

Mavis1

Remember alcoholism is a life or death thing for that person. whatever tools work for him is the only thing that is important.

the bottom line is they need to stay sober. Go to a meeting with him, educate yourself on what it is like being a recovering alcoholic, being in love with one, support him, the 12 steps saves lives. m

Tuffgirl

There is no "normal" in regards to addictions.

If the 12 steps work for your RA, then be grateful and support that as best you can. Read the Big Book, ask questions, attend open AA meetings.

Who knows who he may "grow" to be? That remains to be seen. And be proud of him - this is a very hard thing he is working to overcome and learn to live with.

NYCDoglvr

Does he go to meetings and have a sponsor? If not the steps don't work.

EnglishGarden

My understanding of the Twelve Steps is that it shores the addict in. Addiction is a disease of chaos. The addict has lost control of every aspect of his life. He can't risk nuance. The Twelve Steps is like a structured canal to help the addict find his way back to sanity and normal functioning. This is what a counselor once told me. And I also believe, as said by the previous poster, it is a masterpiece.

Hopeworks

The 12 steps are a GREAT place for your husband to start his new foundation for living ... they are quite frankly the wisdom of the ages and some believe completely inspired by God.

Whether you believe in God or not they are very wise, practical and loving and those who fully practice the lifestyle of 12 step recovery become better human beings.

Don't knock it until you try it... it is the foundation for alanon and it wouldn't be a bad idea to at least check it out for yourself to see what the attraction is all about.

stepsforward

I think the 12 steps could be good for anyone not just addicts

wow04

I am not trying to be rude, but are you against the 12 steps?

The only thing that got me clean was a spiritual awakening by working the 12 steps. I use the 12 steps every day. I have 9 years clean. Are there other tools I use also? Sure, but the 12 steps are a must.

You have the option of going to Alanon and working the steps also.

onlythetruth

Yes, there are indeed many ways to deal with and think about life events. That is true of addiction as well as nearly everything else that could happen to a person. So, just as you would expect, no, all RAs do not follow the same path. Certainly, some folks try AA, love it and never look back. Others don't try it, or, having tried it, don't care for it and do something different.

In my own case, I tried AA, found it not to my liking, and switched to SMART Recovery. I have been sober for over 13 years.