Why does he push me away when doing well then falls down, he wants me back
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 146
Why does he push me away when doing well then falls down, he wants me back
For awhile, he was doing well, working, started to get his sh*t back together. During that period, he starts pushing me away by not calling me or making plans with me then backing out making excuses not to see me. I still got to see him but not as much as I would like. Maybe its a good thing otherwise, I'd probably be in the slammer if I was with him when he got busted.
Then he gets busted. loses his job, back behind bars probably now for at least a few years unless the judge allows him go to a treatment center in lieu for prison time. He has been in and out of jail over in the last 2yrs.
Before his arrest, I talked to him about how he was pushing me away, all he did was make excuses like nothing is his fault. Or tell me he couldn't make it work into his schedule to see me or try making new friends.
Now that he's behind bars, he wants me back as a close friend. Really, I don't know what to do or say because what he did, pushing me away made it feel like maybe he didn't want me around anymore when he was doing well.
For the record, we are just friends and have been for years. I tell him that I might not visit him the next week, he was like ok.
Then he gets busted. loses his job, back behind bars probably now for at least a few years unless the judge allows him go to a treatment center in lieu for prison time. He has been in and out of jail over in the last 2yrs.
Before his arrest, I talked to him about how he was pushing me away, all he did was make excuses like nothing is his fault. Or tell me he couldn't make it work into his schedule to see me or try making new friends.
Now that he's behind bars, he wants me back as a close friend. Really, I don't know what to do or say because what he did, pushing me away made it feel like maybe he didn't want me around anymore when he was doing well.
For the record, we are just friends and have been for years. I tell him that I might not visit him the next week, he was like ok.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Because he knows that you are weak and will send him $$$ while in jail, just like you did last time.
He is using you and you thrive on it.
Many have posted on your other threads and it does no good...you don't listen...IMHO, you only post here to have something to do, might be time to find a more rewarding hobby.
He is using you and you thrive on it.
Many have posted on your other threads and it does no good...you don't listen...IMHO, you only post here to have something to do, might be time to find a more rewarding hobby.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 775
Sorry Sarah but he uses you He knows your codependant and will stay by him and send him money.You have been going thru this with him for a long time.I never do this but in my opinion you need to move on I know you say you are only friends but friends dont treat each other the way he treats you.I want you to know I am not trying to hurt your feeelings.You seem like a really genuine sincere friend and there are people who deserve your friendship and loyalty and will reciprocate that. Good luck to you
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Why does he push me away when doing well then falls down, he wants me back
gentle hugs
ke
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
hi, imho, to answer your question, he probably does this because he knows you'll allow it. he's and addict and addicts use whatever and whoever they can, to their benefit. i was married to an addict so i do relate. i think you deserve more, it will only get worse and more than likely, it will continue for as long as you allow it. keep the focus on you
i'll keep you in my prayers
i'll keep you in my prayers
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
My XABF did the same, though he never got clean. I would hear from him when he got locked up and wanted to be bailed out. The last time I told him "no, I told you that you would never get another penny from me" and he snapped back "Oh, just toss me to the curb, I'm just an addict". I calmly reminded him that we were BOTH addicts, but I chose recovery and was dealing with MY consequences, while in recovery, he could deal with his.
There was no way we could be friends. Friendship is a give and take relationship with both parties doing their part. Seems to me he's stuck on "take and take" and shutting you out until things get bad. His behavior is not likely to change, so I'd seriously think about whether this is the type of person you want in your life.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
There was no way we could be friends. Friendship is a give and take relationship with both parties doing their part. Seems to me he's stuck on "take and take" and shutting you out until things get bad. His behavior is not likely to change, so I'd seriously think about whether this is the type of person you want in your life.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by SarahBear 
For awhile, he was doing well, working, started to get his sh*t back together. During that period, he starts pushing me away by not calling me or making plans with me then backing out making excuses not to see me. I still got to see him but not as much as I would like. Maybe its a good thing otherwise, I'd probably be in the slammer if I was with him when he got busted.
Then he gets busted. loses his job, back behind bars probably now for at least a few years unless the judge allows him go to a treatment center in lieu for prison time. He has been in and out of jail over in the last 2yrs.
Before his arrest, I talked to him about how he was pushing me away, all he did was make excuses like nothing is his fault. Or tell me he couldn't make it work into his schedule to see me or try making new friends.
Now that he's behind bars, he wants me back as a close friend. Really, I don't know what to do or say because what he did, pushing me away made it feel like maybe he didn't want me around anymore when he was doing well.
For the record, we are just friends and have been for years. I tell him that I might not visit him the next week, he was like ok.
Then he gets busted. loses his job, back behind bars probably now for at least a few years unless the judge allows him go to a treatment center in lieu for prison time. He has been in and out of jail over in the last 2yrs.
Before his arrest, I talked to him about how he was pushing me away, all he did was make excuses like nothing is his fault. Or tell me he couldn't make it work into his schedule to see me or try making new friends.
Now that he's behind bars, he wants me back as a close friend. Really, I don't know what to do or say because what he did, pushing me away made it feel like maybe he didn't want me around anymore when he was doing well.
For the record, we are just friends and have been for years. I tell him that I might not visit him the next week, he was like ok.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
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Originally Posted by SarahBear
For awhile, he was doing well, working, started to get his sh*t back together. During that period, he starts pushing me away by not calling me or making plans with me then backing out making excuses not to see me. I still got to see him but not as much as I would like. Maybe its a good thing otherwise, I'd probably be in the slammer if I was with him when he got busted.
Then he gets busted. loses his job, back behind bars probably now for at least a few years unless the judge allows him go to a treatment center in lieu for prison time. He has been in and out of jail over in the last 2yrs.
Before his arrest, I talked to him about how he was pushing me away, all he did was make excuses like nothing is his fault. Or tell me he couldn't make it work into his schedule to see me or try making new friends.
Now that he's behind bars, he wants me back as a close friend. Really, I don't know what to do or say because what he did, pushing me away made it feel like maybe he didn't want me around anymore when he was doing well.
For the record, we are just friends and have been for years. I tell him that I might not visit him the next week, he was like ok.
Then he gets busted. loses his job, back behind bars probably now for at least a few years unless the judge allows him go to a treatment center in lieu for prison time. He has been in and out of jail over in the last 2yrs.
Before his arrest, I talked to him about how he was pushing me away, all he did was make excuses like nothing is his fault. Or tell me he couldn't make it work into his schedule to see me or try making new friends.
Now that he's behind bars, he wants me back as a close friend. Really, I don't know what to do or say because what he did, pushing me away made it feel like maybe he didn't want me around anymore when he was doing well.
For the record, we are just friends and have been for years. I tell him that I might not visit him the next week, he was like ok.
Maybe it's time you start living your life on your terms.
ZoSo
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 146
Originally Posted by Impurrfect
My XABF did the same, though he never got clean. I would hear from him when he got locked up and wanted to be bailed out. The last time I told him "no, I told you that you would never get another penny from me" and he snapped back "Oh, just toss me to the curb, I'm just an addict". I calmly reminded him that we were BOTH addicts, but I chose recovery and was dealing with MY consequences, while in recovery, he could deal with his.
There was no way we could be friends. Friendship is a give and take relationship with both parties doing their part. Seems to me he's stuck on "take and take" and shutting you out until things get bad. His behavior is not likely to change, so I'd seriously think about whether this is the type of person you want in your life.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
There was no way we could be friends. Friendship is a give and take relationship with both parties doing their part. Seems to me he's stuck on "take and take" and shutting you out until things get bad. His behavior is not likely to change, so I'd seriously think about whether this is the type of person you want in your life.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Originally Posted by hades
Did you know him before his addiction?
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