Justme6

I don't know what to do, where to start, how to cope, Im just so confused. If anyone here knows about bipolar and paranoid schitzop (sp?) can you please help me to understand.

I have been married for 12 years, and my husband has been getting worse as each year passes. Im not sure exactly what his illness is, but his father has paranoid s, and his mother had other mental illnesses Im not quite sure of. But, the problem is, I can't live with this man anymore! I never know from one minute to the next how he will react. I sometimes wonder if he has different personalities. His mood changes so drastically. From one extreme to the next, and within no time at all. My head spins. We can be on our way out to do something, then he will get mad, start yelling cuz he suddenly thinks its a stupid idea and its all my fault, when we discussed it first and he was all for it. He can be really happy, to the point that I need to leave the room cuz its so extreme it freaks me out. Then he will be absolutely miserable!. He can be wide awake and wanting to do all kinds of work around the house, then I will catch him sleeping on the couch. He picks on me, and has admitted to deliberatly pushing my buttoms, and he isnt satisfied until he gets a reaction. He critisizes everything I say and do, then when I ask him why he denies it and says Im the one who does itto him! So not true! Im in tears most of the time cuz theres just no getting through to him. He blows up in seconds. I have to pretty much let him 'get away' with crap that bothers me just to avoid the blow ups.

This is just a tiny little bit of what goes on here. Please, can someone help me to understand if this might be bp or something, what can I do? Everytime I ask him to get help he turns it back on me, and says Im the one who needs help. Ive been to my dr, and all he says he can do for me is help me with anxiety meds so I can cop ebetter with these issues. He cant treat my husband if he doesnt want to be treated.

crazybabie

Would he be willing to go to the doctor and talk with them? One should always do that I can't give you any other advice but I am willing to share some of my personal experience. I have the diagnosis of Bipolar which is a mood disorder. There could be numerous reasons for that type behavior...

I would try and seek help for myself if it was me because no matter the reason self care needs to be there for you...

Threshold

First, welcome, and huge hugs for the awful situation you are experiencing.

It would be a tragedy for you to end up hooked on anxiety drugs due to this, and that can easily happen.

You can't fix him or MAKE his get help. If he threatens you physically or threatens to harm himself, you can have him taken to the hospital where he might submit to treament, or might not.

if he is paranoid schizo...he might not, that paranoid thing can be very strong.

You are not the cause of his disease, or how it manifests. I assume you know that, because you see there are genetics at work, but in the situation it can be real hard to lose touch with that.

Many communities have support groups for friends and families of people with mental illness. Please ask your dr if they have info on this, or call a local mental health clinic. That could be an invaluable support to you.

A suicide hotline would probably also have that info if you have any trouble getting your hands on those sorts of numbers, call a local suicide hotline, look in your phonebook, or google for one's in your area and ask them.

Whew! ok, now I'll tell you MY side of this.

My husband recently divorced me because he felt he could no longer deal with me being mentally ill.

I have been in treatment and on meds etc etc. But he still felt my condition made our lives too chaotic and his only hope for happiness was to end the relationship.

I am bipolar, but not schizo.

I understand why he did as he did. If I could divorce me and be free of this, I would.

It's a very tricky situation, because of course we marry "in sickness and in health, till death do us part"...

I don't know if that holds when the sick one refuses treatment and abuses the other.

That feels unacceptable to me. In your situation you cannot "care" for you spouse if he is unwilling or unable to admit to illness and undergo treatment.

It's not the same as dumping someone because they get a diagnosis of a purely physical illness.

I cannot ever know what my husband's experience was.

I have people say that what he did was unconscionable, that I am not that bad, and he is selfish and horrible to cut me off. But then, they weren't married to me.

This is why I think it would be very useful for you to find a support group of people who are in your situation or were in your situation.

My mental illness is taking a huge toll on my life. There is no point in my husband being dragged down with me. I'm not so crazy that I can't see the wisdom in that.

I have a good friend who is married to a mentally ill man. She lives with him but practices a lot of detachment, including checking accounts because he would use up every penny they had in mad schemes etc.

In the end people have to find a situation they can live with and find some sort of satisfaction in.

Justme6

Thanks so much for your replies!

Yes, I have tried to seek help. I went in the mental health clinic, and told them alot of what was going on. You know how that ended?? They contacted child protection, because there is an unstable adult in my house! My kids are my world!! They are everything to me, I cant even go a whole day without being with them. I have 6 kids with this man, one was just born 5 days ago. I feel overwhelmed with having to protect them, so much that I've decided to stay away from professionals who will try and take them away when all Im doing is trying to protect them! I would leave my husband, but I worry about visitaion. It all depends on his mood at the time, if I trust him taking care of them. There have been times when I was about to leave the house to get groceries,, and waited downstairs at the fromt door for 1/2 hr just to see if he was going to leave my 1 yr old wondering by himself on the main floor, as he watched tv upstairs. I never left. Instead, I stood there and cried. Then when he asked why I didnt ge the groceries, I said I decided to wait till then next day cuz I wasnt feeling good. I cant even tell him the truth really is cuz I dont trust him! Oh the blow up that would come with that, and in front of my kids for sure so thats why I avoid it. They dont need to see that crap.

I think Ive lost track of all that I wanted to say. Im exhausted right now with having a newborn and all. Please dont mind if I sound scatterbrained atm

I think finding a group for ppl going through the same as me is a great idea! I will look into that for sure. I just have to be so very carefull of what I say, because theres kids involved. Believe me, my kids are safe! One of the reasons I seeked help was for their safety, incase I do leave my husband how do I make sure he doesnt get visitation rights that are unsupervised? If he were to get help, then I might start to trust him. But for now all I worry about is my kids. If it werent for them, I would have been long gone. My thought exactly about 'through sickness and health'!!! I will stay and support him because he has what I consider an illness, but if he refuses to admit it and seek help, then that vow is broken. I am so unhappy, I feel like Im not enjoying my life to my fullest. I feel trapped.

He has also started with this major control thing lately. I cant even kiss my kids cuz he gets jelous, cuz I dont kiss him anymore. I show too much love towards them and leaves him with nothing. I cant tell them I love them, or he gives me a look. But that has always been like that, cuz I dont tell him I love him. Honestly, I dont. He makes too much of a deal out of it. When I used to tell him, he'd freak out and say really? You really mean that?? Like everytime was the first time. Then when Id tell him Ive said it before, he gets mad and tells me I NEVER say it! I just cant win. So I stopped telling him I love him! Wouldnt anyone? I have to wait till he's not homw, or when the kids are in bed everynight I tuck them in, hug and kiss them, and tell them how much I love them,.. in a whisper. This is NOT the way I want to live my life!

Another thing is he calls me a germaphobe. Well, in some ways I guess I am. But he is the extreme opposite, he will be out all day, touching all kinds of things, then come home and not wash his hands. He will go sit on the toilet for 10 minutes, then go make a sandwich without washing his hands! If I tell him thats kinda gross, we all eat out of that loaf of bread, he will lose it and call me a germaphobe. One day I was making a huge stew, and he grabbed a spoon, dropped it, then wiped it on his shirt, blew on it, then almost put in in my stew. I said as nice as I possibly could, oh here, let me wash that first, he threw it, turned around and punched a hole in the wall. Thats the thing,.. he will pick out the litttle things I do, magnify it, and be the extreme opposite. Then act like Im Phsycho!! Thats what he calls me! I hate that word, when used wrong, and used to insult someone is just wrong!

A big one was christmas morning. All he did was sit there and complain about every gift I had bought him. He'd unwrap one, and say, ug, yup,.. thats going back!! Things I put so much thought and effort into! Things, he ended up keeping in the end! Then the worst part, is everything he bought me I wondered why. My mom was here, and she said she thinks he deliberately went out and bought me stuff to upset me. He hates me wearing pink, so he bought me a xxl pink sweater! Im medium, but the the worst part is the pink when he has always made such a huge deal about it. Basically, I didnt end up with one gift. He bought me all things he knows I dont like. I would rather no gifts at all then what he did. Then as I was stuffing the turkey he was hanging over my shoulder bugging me for everything I did. Every spice I added,.. everyone always loves my stuffing! Its always a hit, and he still had to find a way to critisize me. I ended up in the bathroom for 20 minutes crying my eyes out while the turkey sat on the counter. He admitted weeks later that he did purposly try to ruin my xmas cuz he wasnt happy so why should I be. He knows xmas is my fav holiday.

Sorry for rambling, its just nice to let some of this out! I can write a book on my life, theres just so much I need to get out. Im tired of crying in the bathroom.

Just so you know, Im not one to cry. I never used to, just the past year I think he has finally broken me. I used to be so strong.

Justme6

Wow I really did ramble on, Im sorry its so long!!

Thanks for telling me your experiances, and Id love to hear more!

xxx

Someguy23

I don't know anything about bipolar personality disorder, but I had a family member who was paranoid schizophrenic (clinically diagnosed). Here's what I know:

Paranoid schizophrenics have vivid delusions (paranoid part) fueled by hallucinations and a partial or complete split from reality (schizophrenic part).

Basically, they will believe irrational things to be true because of their paranoid part, and because of the schizophrenic side of their disorder, the things they will believe can be very, very outlandish and their conviction will be unshakable.

In the case of the family member I talked about, his behavior was always a bit off, but became worse and worse as he 'divorced' further from reality. He alienated himself from his family and friends more and more because his delusions were vindictive and convinced him he was wronged by them (through imagined wrongs).

Without going into any specific details, at one point he had to deal with a very stressful situation and started lashing out very violently at all around him, both verbally and judicially. I believe he lashed out physically once or twice as well, but don't know for sure.

In any case, what I'm trying to say is that, if the behaviour I described above seems to describe your husband, he will get progressively worse without medical help.

Being around him can put you in difficult and potentially dangerous situations without you having to do anything, as the schizo part of him can just imagine that you did him wrong and he will believe it. Take care, and seek medical help for him.

chicory

Just me,
Your post has really touched my heart, and makes me so sad for you and the kids. It would be terrible to spend your life not even able to give the children loving affection until in private. I fear that their lives will be quite affected by all of this. They need a happy momma. I am so sorry you are going through this.

I don't know the laws on visitation, if someone has an undiagnosed mental illness. If you could ask a lawyer, that might give you answers. If your husband does something violent, you could call police. In my state, you can call the mental health hotline, an emergency hotline, and they will come out if there is a chance of physical violence toward you, the kids or his self. they would evaluate him, right there. they bring a policeman with them, in case.

perhaps talking with mental health professionals would help you . give you ideas of what you can do. I really hate to think of anyone spending their life this way. If he does not wish to get help, it seems that you are not bound to honor any marriage vows, since he is not taking care of you or his self.

for you and the kids- please talk to someone in the mental health business. get the number for domestic violence, and have a plan in case he gets really out of control. maybe have a bag of things ready to take with you. important papers, etc.

Do you have any family who can help you to get some rest, some help with things? please , stay safe, and do not underestimate what he might be capable of. if he does in fact have those two diagnoses.
best wishes for you. prayers for your safety, and for your sweet children too. good for you, in not leaving them with him. i know this must be such a burden for you. hang in there , and don't give up, till you find peace and safety..
hugs,
chicory

Justme6

He definately does have irrational thoughts, and he will change his mind the next day though. For example, someone asked him if he did the finishing on a railing (we're in construction) and he hesitated, and said ya. Then the guy told him how amazing it looked. He came home all excited how he was praised for this railing he did! The next day, he was telling me how this guy told him his railing looked amazing, but is a ***** cuz he was being sarcastic, and belittling him. The next day,.. he was so proud that this guy was impressed!! My head spins, I dont even like to listen when he talks to me anymore! But he tells the story like I havent heard it already!

He changes how he feels about ppl each day. One day he likes our neighbors, then next day he thinks they're spying on him and out to get him.

There was this period of maybe 2 months, where he kept buying lottery tickets. Each night of the draw, he'd lose the ticket. One night, he said he left it on the seat of his truck, and he swears somwone drove by late at night, slowed down, and probably broke into his truck and stole the ticket. The next day, it was back on the seat. His explanation, well, the guy who broke into his truck checked the ticket, saw that it was a loser, so broke back into the truck and put it back on the seat. Another time it disappeared from his truck, he said maybe the wind got it and it blew down the street, and he bets the neighbors down the road found it and won millions of dollars off our winning ticket,.. cuz he is positive it was the winning one! He doesnt think his logic is out of the ordinary. How do I handle this? Why should I have to handle it really?? I cant even let my eyes open wider when he says this crap, I have to hold a straight, emotionless face, or he will freak and think Im thinking he's messed up. I cant react.

gtg

Justme6

Sorry for abruptly leaving, he woke up and came down so I strugggled to log out and clear the history.

I dont have any family here, and friends are busy with their families, and then theres friends who just dont have a clue what Im going through and Id rather keep it that way. Some ppl tend to judge, and think they know better. Like, Ishould just leave him. Well it isnt that easy! Its easy to say what u would do in this situation,.. those friends who arent understanding I just rather leave in the dark and avoid any more pressure.

I think the laws on visitaion are pretty much the father gets the kids every other weekend, unless we agree to other arrangements. I wouldnt want to keep him from the kids, Iwouldnt even want him to have to have a 3rd party supervise! Id rather him be on meds and be able to take proper care of our kids when Im not around. But, I dont thin k that will ever happen. He will never admit he has an illness. Even when his sister and step mom came here last year, and noticed how he was acting, they said he is just like his father, and his step mom said she feels so bad for me. She ended up divorcing his dad, who only got treatment later on in life when he was forced to.

It seems like he hates me at times. When I talk , he rolls his eyes like, oh shes disturbing me again. Then other times, he wants to talk, he will stare at me and smile as if he actually likes me. That kinda creaps me out. I just never know if he will like me from one minute to the next. He can be so mean, where I wonder why are we even in the same house together? He will pick on every little thing I do! Stupid things like, I was holding my new born and patting his bum. He tells me thats not the proper way to burp him I need to pat his back!! I wasnt burping him!!! He just angers me!

gtg

Someguy23

Some of what you describe does sound like paranoid schizo, but I'm not a mental health practicioner... and even if I were, I wouldn't say anything about someone I've never met.

The only thing I will say is that, if he is even partially paranoid schizo, I would urge you to seek help VERY strongly. Especially since he seems to have a vindictive streak in his delusions.

The thing is that, if life puts some serious stress on him at some point (and whose life doesn't occasionally?), he could react very strongly and in a completely unpredictable and potentially dangerous way. Take care.

Justme6

Would you think, if he does have this illness, would medication help him? Would I be able to trust him with our kids? And how do I get him to even go in for psych testing? He refuses to admit theres anything wrong!

Now he's trying to tell me he's intuitive, thats why he knows ppl are setting him up. All this makes me feel so sick, I dont know how to deal with this. I think Im just stuck with this man, and his untreated illness. I wish things could go back to normal like when I first met him, so my kids can have a stable father I tried to tell him the other day that what he was saying, and thinking aren't normal behavior, that he sounds paranoid. He just gets angry with me and tells me I dont understand. Huh, I think its him who doesnt understand, but how am I supposed to convince him otherwise??

Chakaido

I have a family member with bipolar disorder so seen the ups and downs from 7 years of age, day in and out. I would see if he's interested in going to a clinic together to get "support" together. The counsellors will know how to handle it, and go from there. There needs to be an opening where he realises things could be better and get support which means being diagnosed properly. In the meantime, you will get counselling too and advice on options.

There needs to be a point where he makes a decision to get assistance or not. It is his responsibility and it might be hard for him to hear that right now...but hopefully there is a window there that he's hearing through. It is effecting you and your family. Lead him to help and if he doesn't move in that direction, still continue to get counselling yourself on what steps you need to do to ensure you and yours can lead a healthy life. It may mean moving out for a while and the counsellors can help you create a transition plan.

And...it is ok to cry! Pain helps us make positive changes. It keeps us connected to our humanness. Now is the time to take a bolder step my dear...many blessings. You deserve to live a beautiful life.

Someguy23

Again, these are all questions that need to be answered by a professional. All I can tell you is that his behaviour is definitely bizarre and that you should at the very least take some steps to protect yourself.

In the case I had in my family, an amateur or casual observer would have never guessed the schizophrenia part, and probably wouldn't even have realized it was a full-blown psychosis.

He never talked to himself or complained about hearing voices and he was very functional - had an university degree, a steady job and a wife... In fact, even after the diagnosis was made, his family refused treatment because he didn't seem that bad off... until it was too late.

If he won't go in for psych evaluation, you could always go talk to a doctor yourself, tell the doctor you're worried about your husband and explain his syptoms...

However, if you do that, your husband might react badly when he finds out.

greebobeebo

I have no idea what his problem is, but I know one thing, he sounds very similar to my ex.

I tried so hard to help him, to get him on tablets and see a counsellor. He was mentally and verbally abusive to me and my kids.

I got to the point where I was self harming out of frustration.

When he started picking on my kids, that's when I woke up. I moved out, he tried to control from a distance, I stepped back, he tried to commit suicide.

I divorced him in 2009 and have been single ever since. I'm still dealing with the fallout and I am still on antidepressants.

Dealing with him was like looking after an alcoholic, I discovered this when I joined this site.

My advice to you, from personal experience, is to get out of there before he completely destroys your mental health.

You can't force him to do anything, he will tell you anything because he won't want to let go.

Justme6

Wow Im so happy I found this site, you are all so helpful and supportive, and I cant thank you all enough! I don't feel so alone anymore. I mean, my mom, and very few friends know what Im going through, but they dont really understand. My mom has seen the way my husband acts, and keeps telling me how he's getting worse and he needs help. Ya, like I dont already know that,.. but at least Im not the onlyone who sees it. He does try to hide it when other ppl are around, so that makes me wonder if its really an illness or hes just a butt hole and knows it. But then again, he has said and done things around others, and I know they noticed. Its also the way he will think or feel about something or someone, and that changes from day to day.

Today he was putting some rocks in the front yard, and made steps out of them. It looks amazing! But a lady walked by and commented on it, and told him how creative it was. He thinks she said that because she probably did the same thing in her yard and is being sarcastic, and is actually angry that he copied her idea! I dont get how he thinks!

Honestly I dont want to take him away from my kids. They love him, and I think he loves them, depending on his mood. I just have to find a way to get him help so my kids have their dad! I dont care to have a husband anymore, he has done far too much damage for me to recover from all his bs. My first priority is to make sure nobody gets hurt, mainly my kids. Im still trying to figure out whats best.

I hope I make sense, Im so sleep deprived right now Im surprised I can even type lol.

Thanks again for all your comments! xx

styen84

Dr. Mike Abrams open the clinic for and mental patient both are individual and couple if any relative any mental problem and any help about this you have go there clinic