lillamy

I've had an exhausting week hitting big whoppers in counseling and having hecticorama at work and both my girlies having catfights with friends and wanting to vent (the teenage behavior starts early in this here generation...)

Home alone (kids with AXH) and I have counseling homework and need to clean the house and run out and buy a birthday present.

I'm working on being present right now. On not busying myself with things in order to avoid feeling.

And I'm making a list of things I don't want in my life for my counseling appointment next week. (Yes, it's funny, but it will start with Brussels sprouts... )

The thinking is -- after 20 years of letting myself be absorbed by AXH's emotions and wants and thoughts and desires, I have a difficult time figuring out what I do want in my life. So my counselor advised me to start making a list of what I don't want, because that's usually easier. And then you can, based on that, figure out what you DO want.

And she told me I could start with Lima beans. But I'm fairly indifferent to Lima beans. Brussels sprouts, on the other hand, I hate with a vengeance. And chicken liver. Any kind of liver. Two-faced people, who pretend to be my friend and then stab me in the back. People who want to give me advice constantly. People who don't listen, but just sit quietly and wait for a break so they can say what they were thinking of instead of listening.

See -- the counselor's right: It IS easier to find things I don't want in my life.

I'm trying to be comfortable just sitting in the present. But I don't do it well when I'm alone. I'm scared of all the feelings I know I've stuffed away. I'm scared I won't be able to handle them when they all come out. That's how I, the ultimate party animal, is spending my Friday night.

So -- what are YOU doing for fun tonight?

Zoenob

Noooo, I love brussel sprouts! Slathered with some butter.... mmmhmm.

Sounds like you are doing pretty well tonight. Enjoy that alone time. I love alone time.

I'm sitting here in my stretchy pants eating chocolate, popcorn, watching stupid tv, listening to my puppies snore, and perusing SR.

BuffaloGal

Lima beans yes, brussel sprouts yes (both except when they're overcooked), liver of any kind no, I try it every few years and it hasn't gotten any better yet.

I'm alternating practicing the guitar and washing dishes, and moping a bit because I'd really like to be spending the evening with someone with whom I have a good relationship. But I don't want to go to the trouble of looking for and establishing such a relationship. So: child at her dad's, it's me and the cats.

Funny how we are: It's when I'm with people that all the emotions I stuffed away come out. I'm okay when I'm alone... for awhile... but I start to get depressed and frayed around the edges if I don't get out and interact with folks. But even so, often I have to concentrate on not being too stressed about socializing.

I missed most of the week at work, out sick, but it was good to go back. I may be lonely, but I love my job, and that's a huge good thing. I'd rather be where I am now than have 5 dozen friends and a job I dread going to.

Y'all have a great Friday night!

lillamy

You enjoy your Friday night, too!
And I am a wee bit jealous of the puppy and kitty company. My goldfish are not really that great to snuggle with...