workingknee

Hi all. Hope you're all doing well. It's Sunday, the new French President is about to be announced soon and I just got home from an afternoon election event at a friends apartment. It was a cool, relaxed afternoon - just the guy I'm seeing casually (friend with mild and hidden sex transaction - basically friend - we're both just out of long relationships etc) (totally together, generous, dignified human being), my daughter and I - hanging out drawing comics together, eating good food, listening to french music. etc etc. We go there some Sundays to have a bath since our apartment doesn't have one!

Anyway, people started arriving - lovely people with sticks of bread, meats, cheese, and WINE. They were light and jovial and I just felt like I had nothing to say - albeit even in comic self-depreciating translation. I had to get out of there and we left and bought Perrier on the way home and dessert. It was fine and happy and my daughter has school tomorrow so no use delaying bed time.

I just feel so sad. I miss love, I've been alone since I found out I was pregnant 6 years ago - bar a few boyfriends, but nothing serious except for the last boyfriend I had - it was on and off for the last 4 years - big gaps - huge geographical distances but just couldn't quit each other. Anyway, since becoming sober I realised the attachment and the ultimate non-commitment from my old boyfriend was a toxic recipe (long distance co-dependency I guess - and with delusions on each side - he would send gifts and cards and talk about being together 'soon', write and call my daughter constantly, help out with any extra bills, anything - but he was always committed first to his career - so we just never drew maps together, that's how I imagine what went wrong - and time actually together became miniscule over 2011, so it was over - and I moved to Paris for work. I guess until I got sober we fooled each other by making out that he was moving here too - that we'd all be together soon. It's hard being sober and awake and aware of the actual truth?

Anyway, I'm doing well, health-wise, fitness, being committed to not drinking, working, mothering etc - but - even though I said I'm not interested in men at all - I really miss having a deep love, having something solid and immovable - having even the consistency of the unknowing with atleast one person. Now, its just my daughter and I and sometimes I feel so scared, or vulnerable, so lonely with French as my second language - and working from home - struggling to pay for everything alone. I just feel really sad today - an election for a presidency I don't care for, the beginning of the next weeks school routine, another week alone - perhaps with a kiss, an embrace, a loan of someone else's bathtub next Sunday...

I'm 28 and I feel like I should just buy a cat and board up the windows - so lonely.

Sorry to have a winge. This feeling - having no-one - it truly makes me want to drink a glass or a bottle of wine tonight, curl up with some bread and hommos and cry and watch Dead Poets Society or sing Bonnie Raitt with the lyrics printed out.

Anyone else here sober up to find they were alone?

From, - the heart is a lonely hunter.

DisplacedGRITS

How long have you been sober? I was married before alcohol became a problem so i haven't had to worry much about meeting people during sobriety but i've heard that a general rule of themb is that you want to have a siginficant period of recovery (i'd heard a whole year!) before starting a relationship. The idea is that your own house needs to be sorted out and in place before you're ready to be involved in any real way with someone else. How can you expect to being something to the table if you're still in so much termoil with yourself? Also, if you're in a vulnerable state, you're at a greater risk of not being able to recognize if you're in a toxic relationship and being able to break it off. Heck, i know way too many sober people who fall into that category! Take the time for your self and be sure that you're totally sorted out.

SASA

I understand exactly how you feel. I was in an abusive relationship because I was afraid of leaving. we just finally split up and he will move out the end of this week, next sunday. I fear being alone and lost. However as bad as things are, if you start drinking now, oyu will end up alone for sure. therefore, put on you shoes, go for a walk and enjoy paris.

kellyrally

Hi workingknee.

I feel exactly the same as you, except I don't have a child. I am turning 27 this Friday and I have pretty much figured out that I have one real friend, who is shacked up with her boyfriend, so I hardly see her. We catch up once a week to do something like a dvd or whatever, but its not like old times.

I'm only on day 17, but already I can see that all the people I was hanging out with before are probably not going to want me around because they are heavy drinkers...and they are not really that "mature" so I doubt they will understand or try to.

Been feeling very lonely lately. However, I was thinking just yesterday that I cannot expect everything to be hunky dory and to have many good people around me after years and years of alcohol abuse. I haven't felt the need to love myself so why should I be surrounded by people who love me?

I think that stopping the drink is the beginning of the process. In time, I will gather the people around me that I need and I have some hope for that. For the moment, all I need to do is stay off the drink and stay as positive as possible.

I am sure its the same for you. :ghug3:

Chin up

least

I was alone when I drank and I was alone when I got sober. Thing about it is now I don't mind being alone as I like my own company. When I want company I go visit a friend or invite one over. But I'm ok just being with myself.

Newatthis34

Remember that you have your daughter, there is nothing like the connection between a mother and daughter, it is the most intense relationship possible between two humans I believe. I've just spent the day crying for my mum who passed away 5 and half weeks ago, looking through photos and missing her. In time you will meet someone I'm sure, but for now focus on your little girl. x

jobei

Yes I do feel like that as well. It is OK though... being sober I have to learn about myself all over again and I think that it will take some time before I can express love to someone... true love... something that I don't think I have ever experienced since all my relationships have involved heavy drinking. I definately get lonely from time to time but something that picks me up quickly is remembering how much better a person I am becoming without alcohol in my life... I think someone will come my way when I'm ready. You take care my friend.

kittycat3

Hugs to you. No words of wisdom, just standing by in solidarity.

Anna

It is hard having to deal with the reality of our lives. I had so many things that I had refused to look at and see in my life, and in recovery they jumped out at me. But, it's what life is. Hugs to you to help you get through this.

butterflies5

I completly understand what you are saying. I'm newly divorced, 1 year anniversary of that is coming up in a few weeks. I'm raising our 5 young children alone while he is off starting a new life. I think another part of why I started drinking as heavily as I did was so I didn't feel the pain of being alone. Only problem was that just seemed to make being alone worse! I have no desire to date, but hate being without a partner.

One day at a time I guess......

Sylver36

Hi butterflies5. I'm new here. I can relate. I have 5 kids too. I'm a single mother and it's so hard.

soberred

I'm sorry you are lonely. I am in a relationship but am lonely everyday. Some days I think it would be best to be completely alone. Love will find you some day when you are not looking for it. Try and concentrate on your children and yourself right now. Easy for me to say I know.

deepnblue

Same here, 33 years old and with one friend in my life who is busy living her life.

I can rationalize all day long how I got here and why I should be alone, but no matter how much I reason, I still feel what I feel, incredibly alone.

Seems like there is a lot of us feeling that way based on the replies to this thread, we'll all just be alone...together