bunkie65

Living with active addiction and detaching I could not do. Spent 4 years after I left him angry, hurt, sad etc. 2 years ago I finally let it go. Its been 6 years since we split. I have been working on me before and after our split.we have 2 kids and 20 a 20 year history. During the 4 years I was angry we talked only a hand full of times, each time I made sure he knew how angry and hurt I was. Afterr letting go of that anger FINALLY, 2 years ago he started making more contact and seeing our kids more. We both had some really deep and healing conversations. He lost everything after I left and has begun to rebuild his life. He is in school and almost done with his 2 year degree. I pretty certain he still uses and keep myself reminded of what addicts do. Each time he came over during the past few years I would get hopeful and start pushing for more, which inturn pushed him away (my control issues sneaking in). I would e:xpect more from him, contact etc....

Not sure how it happened but just recently after another heart to heart with him and working on me going to meetings working on me, talking with my sponsor, I finally am in a place where I don't have expectations and have gotten the detach with love concept. Very freeing I must say. I told him I have no expectations and I see him for who he is and not the drug addict, cheater, lier, absent father etc..... I really saw him for the peson he is, the good in him. I haven't forgotten the things that have happened but don't hold it over his head., I just pray for him and want the best for him.

Our sons too have accepted that as sad as it is, it is what it is and can't have expectations and have choosen to enjoy him when they can and understand he has had an addiction problem. They have been to alateen. They want to see him and enjoy doing yard work and things with him when he is here,

Now that I have really let go and don't have expectations he is contacting me regullary! Is it just a manipulation ? Im staying guarded and we did discuss our relationship and how if we we were to try and jump back into one it would be unhealthy for both of us (this is what he actually told me). He also said that we had to rebuild our foundation and work through trust issues! I of course agreeded 100%. So now what? I don't know what to really think of this situation? Any thoughts would be greatlt appreciated! Thanks

Kindeyes

Now what.....keep working your program and stay in close contact with your sponsor.

If he's not in active recovery, developing trust would be difficult at best. You're in such a good place mentally and spiritually. That "good place" is yours to protect.

gentle hugs
Ke

bunkie65

Thank you kind eyes... I agree 110% perhaps that's what I sense.. I know I can't be fearful cuz that certainally is unhealthy, however I have to be cautious and keep trusting my higher power/GOD to help me and guide me and give me the strength to not jepodize my serinity. That is more important to me than anything.... god bless you for your kind wise words.... I know what I have to do I suppose and I also know me and how much I care about him and how easy it was for me to get hooked back in. That's where I keep working the step of his will and the power to carry that out... thanks again

dollydo

If you have detached why are you still clinging to the hope of getting back together with him? He is an active user, who is or was living with another woman, he is just saying what he knows that you want to hear...to keep you dangling on the hook.

Honestly, if it were me, I'd move on and make a new life for myself.

Keep working on your recovery, hopefully someday it will all fall into place for you.

My best....Dolly