deepnblue

I am wondering what are some people's experiences with their own families in response to your addiction? Did your family try to help, did they comment, did their interaction with you help or did it just further enable you and your addiction?

I want to say that I in no way blame my family for my actions and I take complete responsibility for my addiction but there were times that I just felt so alone and no one reached out even when I tried to talk about it.

I am just wondering if this is a common thing people have experienced when dealing with an alcohol or substance abuse problem.

MemphisBlues

For this alcoholic, my family's pleas for me to get help were just a threat to my addiction, so I ignored them.

Result? Lost wife. A true alcoholic won't stop until they realize they have to do it for themselves, not to save a marriage, job, any relationship.

I hope you don't reach that point.

Yes...support is critical, but this alcoholic had to quit for me.

Sapling

Mine was simple..."Thank God."

atimeofchoice

My husband is the only one who knows of my opiate addiction and has been supportive.

Now, that does not mean he had all the right words at all the right times. In fact, he dropped the ball a few times. I have to keep in mind that he and I are learning how to dance to new music, so to speak. There are bound to be missteps and even some painful stomping. As long as we make our way forward, we're doing pretty well.

I hope you can forgive your family's seeming inattention to your needs....sometimes people get scared when you're being honest and vulnerable. They don't want to say the wrong things so they end up saying nothing at all, which is worse. But do not stop reaching out.....especially to fellow addicts/alcoholics. The power of human connection is vital.

deepnblue

Oh yeah, there is no other person for me to do it for but me.

My problem was substance abuse and I have been sober 149 days now.

I do forgive my family and myself, I truly do. It's just very difficult not to feel alone sometimes which comes with the territory I guess.

DisplacedGRITS

My husband is very supportive. He goes to open meetings with me and gave up alcohol when i told him that i have a problem (but before i actually quit). We go to a couples meeting on Fridays. I personally wish he'd attend an Alanon meeting but that's his deal and he'll go if he so desires. That's his program and i won't work it for him.

The rest of my nuclear family (mom, dad, sister, mom andthe sis-in-law) all know of my problem. None are in alanon or anything. I wish my mom would go to a meeting or two but as we no longer live in the same city it's not a really big deal. She's just really uneducated and harbors a lot of fear. Ah well. All in all, i'm quite fortunate. My support network is very small but my primary support, my husband, is a rock. He is simply amazing.

soberbythesea

They don't think I have a problem. I hid it too well. It is frustrating.

Dispatches

Well my Mom is a recovering alcoholic/addict with 19 years sober. My Dad has almost 3 years sober, and my Step-dad has 8 years sober. It runs deep throughout the family on my Mothers side. I had a lot of freedom when I was a teenager, I started smoking marijuana at 14 and I told my Mom about it. She told me it was not okay to do that but I still did anyways, and she knew but I think she realized there wasn't anything she could do about it. Honestly what can you do? if someone wants to get high they will. My friends all got grounded for doing it and they continued to do it. My grades were fair, I was doing what I needed to do, I graduated with my class so I was doing well while using an assortment of drugs.

Anyways I turned 19, got hooked on Vicodin, and after about a year or two of that I sat my Mom down and told her what was going on. My family was supportive about it, and they pushed me to get help. So anyways the next 5 years or so I always had the intention to kick my opiate habit. I was prescribed Suboxone so somehow things were okay, I was "Clean"... yeah right... Eventually my intentions turned into lying and manipulating so I could continue to do what I was doing. I put up a front and lied, cheated, and stole to use whatever drugs I could get. I always had a plan and an out. If I got called out I was going to do this or that.... The bs just never ended.

So anyways I had support from my family, they understood addiction for the most part, but my parents enabled me big time. Other people in my family constantly pressured my Mother to do something about me. They should have thrown my ass out a long time ago. I wonder if I would have gotten my **** together sooner if they did?

I'll always feel guilt and shame for putting my Mother through hell. I'll make her proud someday.

Tippingpoint

I don't think they know what to think of it. Outwardly they don't think that I had a problem that justified quitting. Inwardly I think they know the truth.

They are very polite about it. They might say..."are you still not drinking"? And when they hear the answer the conversations moves along.

I've been making a bunch of big changes in my life since turning 40 so I think it's easy for them to just sort of lump them all together.

"That Darren! Did you know that he lost 25 pounds, ran a marathon and quit drinking"?

Threshold

My family looked puzzled, like they had no clue what I was talking about. They knew something was wrong with me, but never pinned it on that.

My husband said he was glad I was getting help, and pretty much stayed out of it, but later used it as a reason to divorce me.

My grown kids never ask me about it. My parents half know I'm in recovery but ignore it. My sister's know and occassionally ask how it's going.

Pretty much they still maintain that I never really had much of a problem in that area, but that may well be because my mental illness issues have always been overwhelming compared to my addiction issues. So compared to that, I can understand why it's sort of a non issue to them.

deepnblue

Thank you all for sharing your experiences thus far!

In terms of my own family's indifference its not outside the realm of how they deal with a lot of emotional things, its no surprise they handled it this way too.

Looking back on it I wonder too, would things have been different if someone just stopped me and asked "hey, what's going on" or "are you ok". Those kind of things can drive you crazy thinking about them though but sometimes I can't help myself.

LDT

I do not include my extended " biological" family ( parents ) in my inner circle of trust, as they only make things worse. The people I shared with and turned to for support were my husband and 4 kids......and they were/are magnificent!!

Dispatches

I feel very fortunate to have the support of my family through all of this. I didn't have to explain myself because they knew. I imagine it has to be tough not to have that kind of understanding. However I still felt alone for whatever reason. I never asked for help because my family had so much to deal with already. I probably wouldn't have asked for help anyways. It was important for my family to think I was doing okay, any added stress on them was too much. My home is a pretty high stress enviroment, I never wanted to be more of a burden on them than I already was. I honestly cant remember if anyone really reached out to me, like I said I hid my using as much as I could. I always had a front. Nobody could penetrate my ego.

LoftyIdeals

My wife and kids are very supportive this time around. Especially my kids. They saw the rift my drinking caused and how unhappy I was. In fact, they learned, appropriately, to pretty much leave me alone. Now, almost 9 months later, it's a loving and caring relationship, and we support each other in our goals, including my sobriety. My wife supports me as well, but I think she sometimes misses her drinking partner. She understands the sacrifice, though. We both come from alcoholic families, but our dance is a little different from each other.

The above refers to this time around. Over the last 30 yrs, there have been many times attempted, but without supports such as family and SR.

The first time I sobered up, at age 20, I was having problems with alcohol and drugs, and my parents didn't get involved. I did a 28 day rehab stint, and barely heard from them, but they did send the pastor. I had to skip the parts of the program that were supposed to include family, as they wouldn't come. Not sure why, and haven't really talked about it since. I remained sober for 1.5 yrs after that, and was able to shirk the drug abuse thereafter, for the most part.

Now I understand addiction differently. Family support and reaction is a huge part of recovery, but I got to the point 9 months ago that I announced to my family (my wife, really) that my sobriety was my first priority in life over allother things, AT ANY COST.
That has proven, thus far, to be the best course of action I could have taken.

Doing it for yourself is the only way I know to succeed in this.

JennaRose

When I was in active addiction my family was scared to approach me about it because I was completely irrational. My last use was partnered with a psychotic break. I cut myself all over was bleeding everywhere and I OD. I intentionally started a fight with my mom because I didn't know how else to come out and say " I need help." They called the police and I ended up at the county hospital. First in their Psychiatric ER and then detox and rehab. When my family saw that I was committed to rehab and getting better they began to support me 100%.

All I ever wanted was for someone to save me from my addiction. But I have come to learn that even if they tried, it would not have worked until I was ready. I also learned that by me isolating to use, I taught my family how to interact with me.

I am celebrating 6 months clean today and my family is my biggest support. They do not understand addiction or even recovery. And that bothered me at first but today I accept it. They don't need to understand me in order to support me. Shoot, I don't even understand myself half the time.

All I know is I never want to lose my family again and that is just one thing that helps me stay clean daily.

My thread is titled XANAX and it discusses issues with my family. Some people find it helpful to read it...

Peace & Love
Jenna Rose