keepingmyjoy1

I had to call AH back because of his saying in a text that he was coming home. I needed to nip that in the bud. He told me he is staying in a hotel. He said he would be home after work tomorrow because he was going to our sons baseball game and he had to do laundry and he needed to be home. I told him again that we could not live together. Then he says, "you win. I will do AA and we can do what you want, couples counseling or something. I can't do the weekend dad thing." He meant that he would walk away from both of us--get this--because he says that's the way I (me)want it. Ugh. So, I said, "so you are just going to walk away from your son as well?" He then tells me that he does not want to lose this family, blah blah blah. What a crock. He wants to talk about it all tomorrow. I told him we have nothing left to say. Then he tells me that we can't afford to live apart! Really...no sh** sherlock! Not with him spending $400 a week of his paycheck on God knows what. Let me translate his words: I can't afford to live on my own.

When he talked about the AA thing, I told him that I would love to believe that his "doing that would change things, but surely you can understand why I have absolutely no faith in what you are saying". He says he understands that since 20 years of drinking doesn't give much to believe in.

OMG... I am going to go crazy.

choublak

What did you win?

keepingmyjoy1

Good question...hmmm...I have no idea. But then, with him, everything is a p*ssing match, so I guess HE thinks I won something.

I at least got the advance knowledge that he would be showing up tomorrow to park his butt here. I don't think that is winning though. Otherwise, he would have just shown up. I am so annoyed I can't even think of what to do about tomorrow.

LaTeeDa

Tell him to go ahead and "do the AA thing" for at least six months. Then, you will consider maybe, possibly couples counseling. Then, if that works out for several more months, you will maybe, possibly consider letting him move back home.

You will find out real quick if he means it or not.

L

keepingmyjoy1

What I am concerned about is that he will park himself and not leave again. The house is in his name because he had better credit than I did when "we" bought it. So, he has a sense of entitlement. But I like the go ahead and "do the AA thing" for at least six months. Then, you will consider maybe, possibly couples counseling. Then, if that works out for several more months, you will maybe, possibly consider letting him move back home. I am just worried that I won't be able to get him out of here. So that just means that I have to deal with him for a month or so for my plan B to kick in....when my son and I then move out.

Graceland

I know that this was written back in April, but wow! Keeping - I could have written this myself yesterday. This is exactly what RAH said to me. These are exactly the reasons that he gave for staying together. I remember thinking, "You want us to stay together because of money?!?! You think that this will be a good environment in which to raise children?!?! Two people who are staying together because living apart will be expensive and hard." Thank you so much for writing this down so many months ago because it is really helping me to put things in perspective.

keepingmyjoy1

Hi Graceland, I am so glad it is helping! My long, full story is on here too. This has been going on for years. I used to post as keepingmyjoy, but when I came back here I couldn't remember my password so now I am keepingmyjoy1.

I am glad you reposted this to the top by commenting. I find it interesting that I actually did move out about 6 month after this post and as always (!!) LaTeeDa was right! Thanks LaTeeDa!

I know this seems really jaded, but it really is all about them, even if you have kids. (Ok, I will try not to conclude that EVERY AH is this way, but mine certainly was/is)

Everytime "we" came out of his mouth, I translated it to "I" for him and that was more what he was saying than anything else. It is still that way. Awhile ago I posted that he said (after I moved out, bag and baggage with son): How are WE going to pay the mortgage?

I felt like saying to him, "are you freakin kidding me?" But instead I just said I don't live there anymore!!!!!! He still thinks in terms of we, when something is due. Ugh.

Hang in there Graceland....I can share this: I had so much more pain in the throws of the decision...But once I committed that I was really leaving, I felt much better. And now, I can honestly tell you that while things are not always easy, it's peaceful and wow can I handle anything that comes my way while I have a peaceful haven/home. It was WAY harder living with an active AH. Hang in there girl...you are doing great!