When Health Problems Present?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2
When Health Problems Present?
Hi everyone.
I am new to this forum, and I'm looking for some guidance from anyone who may have some experience/insight. I will apologize in advance for the length.
I've been with my ADH for 14 years. He has always been a drinker, not at a worrysome level until the past 2 years, when I noticed a substantial increase. I do not know what triggered it, but nevertheless, it got to the point in the past 4-5 months where he smelled. Terrible. Almost the time. It's like alcohol was not being processed correctly in his body and was leaching out his pores. I was concerned. He agreed to see the doctor.
After bloodwork and ultrasound, his liver enzymes came back elevated and u/s showed fatty liver. Dr advised him to stop drinking.
I will say he cut his drinking in half, immediately. He is still drinking daily after work, but not at the rates/amounts previously, and so far the weekends have seen only 1 drink/day.
That appointment was 6 weeks ago. Yesterday, he had his follow-up. Dr again told him he has to stop drinking. Entirely. He prescribed him Lorazepam. He goes back in 4 weeks.
Dh took this news by filling his Lorazepam prescription, and stopping at the liquor store on the way home and drinking more than usual. He was not in a good mood. I asked him, stupidly, why he was angry. He snapped at me, "I've been drinking my whole life and now I have to stop. Of course I'm angry!" And then he went on about how he's not a binge drinker, he doesn't have a problem, he doesn't know why he can't just drink less...etc etc. I must admit, I was dumbfounded. While I have been fortunate (in a way) to be with a functioning alcoholic, who has always worked, and was always agreeable and kind, with a good head on his shoulders, I just cannot wrap my head around his response. If a doctor told me I had to quit something because it was damaging my health, that's all I'd need to hear. I have a lot to live for. I don't want to purposely injure myself. Why isn't he scared of the damage he has done/is doing to his body?
When someone is advised to stop drinking for health reasons, not because they have hit a rock bottom, or messed up socially or on the job, or on their own recourse, how does it work? Or rather, does it work? What should my role as the spouse be in this? What kinds of things might I anticipate? Any advice?
Thank you in advance.
I am new to this forum, and I'm looking for some guidance from anyone who may have some experience/insight. I will apologize in advance for the length.
I've been with my ADH for 14 years. He has always been a drinker, not at a worrysome level until the past 2 years, when I noticed a substantial increase. I do not know what triggered it, but nevertheless, it got to the point in the past 4-5 months where he smelled. Terrible. Almost the time. It's like alcohol was not being processed correctly in his body and was leaching out his pores. I was concerned. He agreed to see the doctor.
After bloodwork and ultrasound, his liver enzymes came back elevated and u/s showed fatty liver. Dr advised him to stop drinking.
I will say he cut his drinking in half, immediately. He is still drinking daily after work, but not at the rates/amounts previously, and so far the weekends have seen only 1 drink/day.
That appointment was 6 weeks ago. Yesterday, he had his follow-up. Dr again told him he has to stop drinking. Entirely. He prescribed him Lorazepam. He goes back in 4 weeks.
Dh took this news by filling his Lorazepam prescription, and stopping at the liquor store on the way home and drinking more than usual. He was not in a good mood. I asked him, stupidly, why he was angry. He snapped at me, "I've been drinking my whole life and now I have to stop. Of course I'm angry!" And then he went on about how he's not a binge drinker, he doesn't have a problem, he doesn't know why he can't just drink less...etc etc. I must admit, I was dumbfounded. While I have been fortunate (in a way) to be with a functioning alcoholic, who has always worked, and was always agreeable and kind, with a good head on his shoulders, I just cannot wrap my head around his response. If a doctor told me I had to quit something because it was damaging my health, that's all I'd need to hear. I have a lot to live for. I don't want to purposely injure myself. Why isn't he scared of the damage he has done/is doing to his body?
When someone is advised to stop drinking for health reasons, not because they have hit a rock bottom, or messed up socially or on the job, or on their own recourse, how does it work? Or rather, does it work? What should my role as the spouse be in this? What kinds of things might I anticipate? Any advice?
Thank you in advance.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 225
Hi and welcome to the forum. He will not quit drinking unless/until he is ready to, no matter what anyone tells him. My A has been told by two different doctors that he must quit drinking. Completely quit, not cut down. It hasn't made the slightest bit of difference to him, he still drinks every day. And it is ruining his health, I can see that. It's hard for us to understand why someone would do that to themself. But A's think differently than we do. It's all about their next drink, that's more important than anyone or anything else. Even their own health. And unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to change that. I'm sorry you're in this situation. But I hope you will stick around and read other posts and replies. You can learn to take care of yourself no matter what he is doing.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 146
You may want to start attending alanon meetings and educating yourself about the effects of alcohol (if you haven't already). "Under the Influence" is a good book describing the effect alcohol has on the body and the different stages alcoholics go through. He's angry because he doesn't want to stop drinking, and angry because it's effecting his health and he probably thought he would beat the 'odds' of this ever happening to him. No amount of nagging, pleading, or begging will get him out of denial until he is ready to face the fact that if he wants to live he has to quit. It's not a pleasant thing to face when you have been drinking and functioning most of your life with alcohol. The don't give it up easily without a fight. It's viewed as a necessity to them and if they are in the later stages of alcoholism it may very well be a physical necessity.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 837
El welcome, read the stickies at the top of this site and learn more about what is happening with your husband. Alcoholism is a disease that only gets worse not better unless the A takes steps to seek recovery and they are the only ones who can decide that for themselves. Love, marriage, friendship, loyalty non of these will convince a loved one to stop drinking it must come from within themselves and has nothing to do with us. Please look into finding an Al Anon to go to it will make a big difference in your life for you not for him. There a 3 C's we say: We did not CAUSE it, We can not CONTROL it, We can not CURE it. Take care we are here for you and please keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 95
My AH's alcoholic health problems started years ago and he still drinks. He has ascites from his liver beginning to fail, he looks like he's 9 months pregnant. He's 36, if he continues drinking he will be dead by 40.
You can anticipate watching him get sicker and sicker, and continue to drink. He will vomit blood, have bloody diarrhea, and get drunk again the very next day and do it all over again. It's crazy frustrating for those of us watching this insane behavior.
He will look for any other explanation for his health problems besides drinking.
I'm a nurse and I will tell that in my experience, both personally and professionally, most alcoholics don't quit from health problems alone.
You can anticipate watching him get sicker and sicker, and continue to drink. He will vomit blood, have bloody diarrhea, and get drunk again the very next day and do it all over again. It's crazy frustrating for those of us watching this insane behavior.
He will look for any other explanation for his health problems besides drinking.
I'm a nurse and I will tell that in my experience, both personally and professionally, most alcoholics don't quit from health problems alone.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: North Augusta, SC
Posts: 35
Ditto for all that was said before. You trying to get him to quit will never work...it will only hurt you. I agree...find an Alanon meeting and start going. I've been with an AH for 30 years and have only recently acknowledged what it has done to me over the years and just starting to get help. Going to my 2nd Alanon meeting tonight. Posting in here and getting feedback has helped me tremendously to see things as I have never seen them before and moved me to find help for myself. I know I have a long way to go but know I will make it with the help of people here and Alanon. Good luck to you!
My husband also has a "smell" about him. Not always but many times I smell it. Mostly in the bedroom where he sleeps. It's nauseating. I just figured his body isn't able to process all the beer he drinks so it's coming out his pores. He's diabetic so he goes to the doctor regularly and has blood work. They do check his kidney and liver functions due to the meds he takes. He's never told me anything about that other than his blood work was fine so who knows. He's an adult and can take care of himself. I'm not his mother. I don't spend time worrying about it. I have my own problems and myself to take care of now. Doesn't mean I don't care about him..just that I can't do anything for him.
My husband also has a "smell" about him. Not always but many times I smell it. Mostly in the bedroom where he sleeps. It's nauseating. I just figured his body isn't able to process all the beer he drinks so it's coming out his pores. He's diabetic so he goes to the doctor regularly and has blood work. They do check his kidney and liver functions due to the meds he takes. He's never told me anything about that other than his blood work was fine so who knows. He's an adult and can take care of himself. I'm not his mother. I don't spend time worrying about it. I have my own problems and myself to take care of now. Doesn't mean I don't care about him..just that I can't do anything for him.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
The point is there is nothing you can do or say that will make him stop drinking. Many alcoholics keep drinking no matter how sick they are.
I recommend Al-anon, which helps us see our own issues and making efforts where they work. With ourselves.
I recommend Al-anon, which helps us see our own issues and making efforts where they work. With ourselves.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 253
I'm sorry you are going through this; I truly understand how you feel because I live it every day. That book "Under the Influence" did a lot to help me understand why a person will continue to drink in spite of knowing it will kill them.
You asked what kind of things you might anticipate. In addition to what others have already posted, you may wish to learn about Lorazepam. I'm not a doctor so I can't give medical advice but I do know that Lorazepam and alcohol is not a good combination.
Finally, take care of yourself first. The stress and anxiety of watching him disregard his health issues will wear heavily on you. It wears on me and the wonderful people on this board help me get through the worst days.
You asked what kind of things you might anticipate. In addition to what others have already posted, you may wish to learn about Lorazepam. I'm not a doctor so I can't give medical advice but I do know that Lorazepam and alcohol is not a good combination.
Finally, take care of yourself first. The stress and anxiety of watching him disregard his health issues will wear heavily on you. It wears on me and the wonderful people on this board help me get through the worst days.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2
Thank you for your candid responses.
I have been reading various threads on this board, and that has helped. I have heard of Al-Anon; I will look into it. I will also check out that Book "Under the Influence." I have looked up Lorazepam, and I don't know if giving him a daily, 2 month supply while he is still drinking was wise by his doctor. I know the doctor wanted him to stop entirely, and take the meds instead. But I am not his mother, and I am not willing to babysit him and ask about his daily consumption of alcohol and/or meds. What he does is up to him.
I have understood for a long time now that the only person I can control is myself. However, I know it will be very difficult for me watching this capable man degrade physically and mentally if he does not stop.
Thanks again.
I have been reading various threads on this board, and that has helped. I have heard of Al-Anon; I will look into it. I will also check out that Book "Under the Influence." I have looked up Lorazepam, and I don't know if giving him a daily, 2 month supply while he is still drinking was wise by his doctor. I know the doctor wanted him to stop entirely, and take the meds instead. But I am not his mother, and I am not willing to babysit him and ask about his daily consumption of alcohol and/or meds. What he does is up to him.
I have understood for a long time now that the only person I can control is myself. However, I know it will be very difficult for me watching this capable man degrade physically and mentally if he does not stop.
Thanks again.
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