Verity

Hi everyone, this is my first post. I guess I should start with a bit of background. I'm in college, but my drinking problems go back to when I was about fifteen (I started at fourteen, but by fifteen it had become a daily thing). It got more serious over the years and I don't know how many times I tried to quit, but now I'm going on my longest sober stretch since I started drinking in the first place, nearly three months. The problem is, my family doesn't know any of this. They don't know I drink at all.

I'm about to go home for the summer and I have to tell them. I want this to be the last time I quit if I can pull it off and I know I won't last without some changes. It's far too easy for me to find alcohol there and my family is oblivious when I'm drunk around them. I'm sick of having to hide this. I'm terrified they'll find the stash of empty bottles in my closet before I explain. I don't think I can do this alone.

So I need some help. How do I tell my family that I've secretly been an alcoholic for years?

BillyPilgrim

Hi Verity, welcome to SR.
Drink does eat you up, so you have made the right decision to stop, and congratulations on three months, I am around the same time.
Your family I am sure will support you , if you say you have a problem with drink and have decided to give up, after all they love you and want you to be well
I would not be so sure that they do not suspect, we alcoholics may be good at hiding bottles and drinking in secret, but if you have been drunk around them, then they will have probably noticed
We think we are ok, when drunk, but we are not, we act drunk, the only person it doesnt register with is us

hypochondriac

Welcome Verity

It's great that you're getting help about this now and congratulations on 3 months! That's an amazing accomplishment to achieve on your own.

I'm nearly 2 months sober and told my family last week...They had no idea and I'm not entirely sure some of them believe me.

My mistake with the first family member I told was to say 'I think I'm an alcoholic' instead of 'I am'.

The good news is you don't have to do it alone..I do believe there are thousands of people here on SR who will understand exactly what you're going through and there is always AA if you want face to face support.

Glad you're here x

Dee74

Hi Verity - welcome

I wonder of you need to tell them at all? Wouldn't 'no thanks I don't drink anymore' be enough?

The reason I ask is I too wanted no bolt holes, no places where I could still drink - but my family reacted quite badly to my telling them I was an alcoholic.

I see now my reasons for telling them were pretty self centered.

I think I could have achieved the same desired result by telling them I simply decided not to drink anymore, & with far less drama.

I don't know your family of course, but I do urge you to think about this carefully. We don't really get a second change to reveal this information

You'll find a lot of support here too
D

pookiedoo

Stay strong & be open & honest they love you so they'll be supportive

Limbo75

Hi Verity

Welcome to SR! This is a great place to be and I am around the same time as you as well, 91 days today. So identify with what you are saying, nobody in my life knew I am an alcoholic and I felt that it is crucial for my sobriety to tell them, especially since the weight of the secret has been so heavy in my life until now and I have protected it so well. To let go of it was a huge part in my recovery as complete honesty with ourselves is incredibly important. My initial plan was to go to like 6 months of therapy to work up the courage to tell them but somehow I just decided to call my brother one day after 2 months sobriety and just do it, I cried for 10 min before getting the words out and as he was the first it was the hardest. But once these 4 words were out; I am an alcoholic, it became so easy. Got nothing but love and support from my family and friends and I cannot tell you how important they have been in this process and how important it has been to let go of the secret. I just really recommend to just do it, just go for it without thinking to much about it.

Oh, and one more thing, did have a backlash afterwards for 2 days where I was really angry with myself for doing it since once you do confess to being an alcoholic there is no going back. But that was my alcoholic brain playing tricks on me and now there is no regret, I am closer to my family then ever and the honesty in our conversations amaze me. Letting go of a secrete might seem hard at first but it is a million times easier then to keep one :-)

Good luck with it!!!!!!!!

Sapling

Hey Verity..Welcome to SR. I started drinking at the same age. I wasn't smart enough to stop at your age and drank too many years...it cost me dearly. Maybe your family does know.....Maybe you were good at hiding it and they don't know. It's not real important. I have to agree with Dee here. Why say anything? Just show up and do what you've been doing for the last three months...Don't drink.
I think if the subject came up...Somebody asked you why you are not drinking....You wouldn't be lying to say..."That just doesn't work for me." You don't have to take it any farther than that. Something simple..."I prefer not to." The reason I say this....Is what happens if you don't pull it off?....Now you have broken your word to them for something they may not have known to begin with. Let them just enjoy their time with you sober.
I think what is going to be tricky for you....Is your friends there. If you were 15 like I was...In highschool...I tended to hang around people that drank. You might want to keep some distance from people like that. I think three months is fantasic...I give you kudos for that. But it may not be a bad idea to attend some AA meetings this summer just to meet some people that are like you....That you can talk with...That share the same problems and want the same goal. Nobody has to know about that either. I wish you the best...And hope you a have a great sober summer...Use this site for support...You have friends here...It's a safe place to come to. Just keep doing what you are doing and don't drink...No matter what. I'm glad you found this site.

sugarbear1

Welcome to SR!

2granddaughters

Most families usually know already. It's us that are the last to realize the fact that we're in over our heads with alcohol.
Just tell them as best you can, it's far more important that YOU know it than them.

All the best.

Bob R

MentalLoop

Verity - I never had a drinking problem before my 30's...he'll I couldn't hold down a beer. Just reading your story though, I am in awe and admire you. I guess we should never forget lest we fall into the same trap again, but if successful, to me, it would be like you never had a problem to begin with (I don't mean go drink). You are so young that you actually can and will have a life without most of the ills and regrets most of us have....lucky you! I am a full disclosure kind of guy, so I say no secrets. In my case I told everybody as a confession and for accountability. If I were in your shoes, I would tell everybody as a form of personal enlightenment and disclosure. My gosh, I am so envious of you (not in a bad way)...at your age and relatively short tenure of drinking.....you will be great in life and do great things.

I can just see everybody sitting around a fireplace telling stories, and you saying "hey all, wanted to let you know I am done with booze. Whether you all knew it or not, I have been drinking and hiding for the last five years. I had a problem with it. But I realize it, I took control and it is out of my life". In my dysfunctional family you would be a hero, an admiration and an example for all the younger kids.

Way to own the problem!!!!!!

sissy07

Welcome to SR! As a parent, I would have a lot of respect for my child that admitted to me that they are an alcoholic. Ofcourse, I am an alcoholic, so I would understand, but most adults these days have had experience dealing with practicing alcoholics, and they more than likely will think of you as a brave and strong soul - which you are.

Verity

Thank you so much everybody. It means a lot to hear from people who understand. I've never had anyone to talk to about, well, any of this.

Dee, Sapling, I get what you're saying but I think I have to be totally honest with my family. I don't want to carry around a secret anymore and I'm not sure it will be enough to just say I'm done drinking. At school I know how to avoid alcohol. At home I know where my dad keeps the whisky. I've broken too many promises to myself to trust this one to hold, at least not yet. I think it's time to promise them that I'm done with it. I'm not the first alcoholic in the family by far, so I'm hoping they'll handle it well enough.

Thanks again everyone for the help, the support, and the welcome. I really needed it : )

Sapling

It's good you thought about it and you are doing what you think is right...I wish you nothing but the best...You know you always have this place for support...Good luck to you and don't pick up.

Hevyn

Verity - Feel proud that you've come to this conclusion. Be thankful that you're dealing with this now, not 20-30 yrs. from now like some of us.

We look forward to hearing how it goes - we're always here for you.