lilactree

I'm gonna punch the next person who says "stinkin thinkin" to me. Or any of the other embarrassingly dumb-and-dumberer cliches tossed around the AA organization as though they were pearls of wisdom delivered by the ultimate 'higher power of our choice'.

Okay, not really, I've never punched anyone, whether drunk or sober. And am not about to start, unlike the lovely members of my home group.

Long story short, I've been a member for the better part of a year. And before someone goes postal on me for not 'working the steps', or getting a group, or seeking a sponsor, or attending meetings, or being of service, or God-knows-whatever else complaint du jour they indulge...

I have done all those, and more. Starting with the recommended 90 in ninety, and three times a week, every week without fail after that. So, yeah, I've been there, still am there.

I know that this group works for some, and I am extending the absolute benefit of the doubt to all involved. But that said...

I have never, ever, ever met a more self-involved, self-righteous, navel-gazing, dependent (I thought AA was supposed to help with these things) group of dent-headed, damage-cased question marks in my entire life. And that includes when I was drinking heavily.

Week after week, I listen to (often violent) criminals who blame all of their awful behaviour on the booze--not on the fact that they are, let's face it, violent criminals, and probably jerkwads. And these are the speakers!

I listen to self-centred slapheads who share about nothing for nineteen minutes so that they can hear themselves talk. And I hear the same stories, the same jokes, the same platitudes, the same intellectual vomit, over and over, week in, week out. And we're all supposed to smile and applaud and pretend everything's wonderful.

Surely there must be a twelve-step (or even no-step) alternative for people who are not completely mentally deficient or complete asshats prone to committing crimes or deliberately driving when drunk (sorry, don't buy your excuses, pedestrian-pavers). Do you know of any?

OCDDan

how about "shootin from the hip" i found that pretty irritating.

oh, maybe not an aa thing but "not for nuthin" what does that even mean?

Impurrfect

FWIW, I didn't like the cliche's either. I haven't been to meetings in years, worked out my own recovery program and have over 5 years, but darned if I haven't found myself using the very cliche's I used to hate.

When I was younger, my mom used to say "what goes around, comes around" - I LOVED my mom but seriously wanted to smack her. As I've gotten older, I found out what she said was true.

I'm not saying this happens with everyone, I understand the anger at hearing what seems like "pat answers" no matter what my complaint or problem is, I'm just saying that, for me, the older I get, the more some of them make sense, and darn if I don't hate admitting that sometimes.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Sapling

You know why?....Because they are true.

Sapling

And lilactree....Try a couple different meetings.

Dee74

did you check out the forum I suggested last time LT?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post3351465

D

Toronto68

Lilactree, I haven't been to an AA meeting for over a decade now, but I can tell from some of the people who post here that some of them are drama queens that love the sound of their voice and to subject people to the obsessions going on in their heads. But...that's what AA is for in a big sense. In other words, you have to take the good and the bad. I can think back to a few things I heard in meetings that make sense now, but I wasn't ready to take them in back then.

Chances are that you need to change your attitude a bit and be patient. By the same token, I wouldn't expect you to just take everything you hear and accept it as "gospel." Use the AA meetings (and the program, if you look at it that way) as a tool to get you what you need. After some time goes by, you might be able to handle the clichés better and all the usual things that annoy people about AA.

If it doesn't work for you, then you can also leave it and find out what IS going to work for you. If you can do it without attending AA, then do that. (That's my "method," apart from coming to this site once in a while.) I don't blame you for finding things to criticize and you can probably gain something by getting out your frustrations. Trouble is, though, you COULD also gain something valuable from someone with some of the annoying habits and characteristics of AA peeps. All depends.

lilactree

Sapling, I really am trying to be kind, and gentle, and patient, and all those lovely things...lol. But the fact that you keep suggesting I try "different meetings" leads me to the obvious conclusion that you fail to read a single word I type. Yes, again, I have gone to every meeting held in my major metropolitan area. Every single one. But, thanks.

Sapling

If they are all bad...What's the common denominator Lilactree?....Maybe AA is not for you.

midgetcop

I guess the obvious suggestion would be to try something other than AA, if you feel so negatively about it. Maybe some one-on-one counseling would be more up your alley?

Pojman

This post is outrageous.. Next time you go to an AA meeting, you should look around the room, tally up all of your judgments, and then take a good hard look at yourself - and ask yourself - "what got me to the point where I ended up in a room with all of these people that I think so poorly about."

You are not a whole lot different than anyone else in that room. If you were different, then you never would have ended up in a circle with these people listening to what they have to say.

Like it or not, you are one of us. You can either do your best to contribute to the overall solution to the problem, or you can take a hike. It is up to you. But, if you are an alcoholic, taking a hike is a very dangerous road. Give it some time and you will find that you have even more in common with these "mentally deficient criminals".

LDT

lilactree...this is probably most un-PC of me, and yes, a little off topic.....but your post was thoroughly entertaining.......made me laugh. I like your style.

Please continue......

lilactree

Okay, thanks, Pojman.

But, you know what? This post is not outrageous, in my opinion. I'm sorry if it offended you, but I was only speaking my mind. Another thing I thought I was allowed to do...lol.

You know what I do find outrageous, though? This built-in, ongoing, idiotic belief swallowed whole, especially spread by AA...


That if you happen to find yourself addicted to alcohol and in need of help (as I have, and have done), then you are no longer allowed to ask questions. That you are simply as good or as bad, essentially the same as the guy next to you, no matter whether they be axe-murderer or orphan adopter. Doesn't matter if you took a hammer to your wife's head. Booze is to blame.

Well, I'm sorry, but I call bullsh*t on that.

Sapling

I don't know...I found I had a lot more success in AA taking my inventory....Not everybody else's...

quitforme79

AA has saved some people's lives. For me, It made me want to drink more. Just like in every walk of life there are pessimists and optomists. Recovery is truly a personal and unique experience. All that matters is what is helping you. ((hugs))

Dee74

OK I'm going to remind everyone about mutual respect

from our rule 4

It is possible to speak our minds honestly while still being civil and still having respect for other peoples beliefs, regardless of where you stand on the issue of recovery.

let's try that

D

Impurrfect

(((lilactree))) - there are people that AA just doesn't work and that's okay. Like I said, I did go to meetings, I had an AWESOME home group, sponsor, did the 90 in 90 but I wasn't ready. I allowed myself to be 13th-stepped by a crack user and though I was terrified of crack, I ended up being an addict.

It's not my sponsor's fault, it's not my home group's fault, I just wasn't ready. I delved into crack addiction and finally had had enough. I didn't go back to AA (though I initially when there for opiate abuse). I clung to SR, and for me? That's been enough. It may not be for everyone. I was also a raging codependent, turned to drugs because of that, but that's just me.

When I DID get ready, when I finally got sick and tired of my life and what I was doing, I read here. I tried a lot of things, some worked, some not so well. I have a stong belief in God, but I still "get" things from people on the secular forum. I "get" things from the AVRT forum. I was desperate.

I thought if I heard "this too, shall pass" ONE more time, I was going to smack whoever said it. I've been through a lot in recovery...loss of loved ones (including my bf who shared my addiction to crack), been robbed at work twice, the 2nd time I was pistol-whipped and I still suffer PTSD. I live with an active A stepmom, an enabling dad, and a niece who was raised mostly by my stepmom...she's 18, pregnant, and has NO idea that consequences occur when we do things wrong. She's only stopped drinking (started at age 11) because she's pregnant.

It took time, and a lot of it, to be able to figure out how to "take what I like, leave the rest". What I have learned? Even when I totally discounted what someone said, there are some things that make more sense the more I recover.

I was angry when I began recovery...at me, the world, everyone. I had to work through a lot of things to figure out what works for me, and ya know what? That's okay. The cliche's I absolutely hated? I say a lot of them this day, but it's MY life experiences that taught me that.

I'm not against AA or NA, still use what I learned there, but it took a lot of time to realize that. It doesn't work for everyone, but I'm living proof that we CAN find what works best for us in recovery, and it's totally okay to do what works for us. I've learned about Buddhism, Native American beliefs, and other things from here. I'm like a sponge...ooh, I LIKE that, let me incorporate that into my recovery. Hell, I've gotten "messages I needed to hear" from billboards!

Take what you like, leave the rest, sweetie. I can only share my ES&H, but that's what has worked for me.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

2granddaughters

I hung around AA until all those corny clichés made sense... Glad I did.

"Member for the better part of a year" ..... you've barely scratched the surface.

Keep coming back- it gets better.

All the best.

Bob R

eJoshua

I'm sorry there's so much anger in your life. Maybe you should stop going to AA if you hate the people there so much? No need to punish yourself, right?

Johnny3times

have you ever thought that maybe its 'you' thats the problem here? ...just a thought...