BlueEyedBoy

Hi there,

I joined here just after New Years, after a particularly bad binge that landed me in the hospital. I was in a pretty bad way, and was desperate for some help, and I stumbled onto here one evening. Reading through the posts I decided it was time to swallow my pride and try AA.

I managed two months of sobreity initially, and even got myself a sponsor. However, within a week I was drunk again....and right back to the beginning physically, emotionally, mentally. In fact this binge took me literally to what felt like the gates of Hell. However, unlike the past I wasn't desolate or had nowhere to turn....after a day or two I reached out to someone in the Fellowship, who took me to a meeting.

I have been sober now just over a month, but if I am honest it is getting harder and harder. AA doesn't always fit nicely with me, but I am giving it my best shot with my sponsor. The God thing and the surrender are hard for me, but I am trying. I am also awaiting some psychotherapy, as I realise I have deep rooted problems associated with my addiction.

I just wanted to bob in really and say thank you for those kind people who helped me out in the first tentative days of searching for recovery. I am going to try and pop in here every now and say hi.

Dee74

Good to see you BEB

I'll be honest with you - getting sober for me was hard - for a while it was a struggle - but I persisted because I knew there were no answers in drinking - and I trusted those who told me it would get better.

They were right - it did get better - stay with it

D

SOBERINNEPA

AA can be kind of difficult in the very early days. Especially the "tough love" stuff. At least it was for me.

You say you've been to the Gates of Hell. I hope you don't want to go further. The first couple months of sobriety are tough. Really tough. But it gets easier as you let the junk come out of your body.

Please be careful and stay in touch.

BlueEyedBoy

Aww thanks for the posts, it is always nice to know others have felt the same way. My last binge...I nearly thought that was it. I didn't want to live anymore as I just saw my future in a coffin. However, that's the disease- cunning, baffling, powerful. I know it probably sounds like I am knocking AA but really I am so thankful for it. It is just hard, but like my sponsor says, it isn't going to be easy paving the way to a new life, but when we get there, it is worth all the pain

FlyerFan

Please stick it out as long as you can, I didn't like it within my first month either, and I thought it wasn't working. But that was because I wasn't passionate enough I think. I am a little over 3 months sober today and I love AA. The god thing threw me off at first as well but just remember it is a god of YOUR UNDERSTANDING. it doesnt have to be "god the almighty" or jesus or anything you don't want to believe. it can be the people at your meetings if you like it do. it just has to be a power that is greater than you. It took me literally all of my 3 months to finally grasp this myself so dont give up!

Congrats on your one month! Please stick around here, I love hearing from other recovering people because it helps me become stronger myself.

Sapling

Your sponsor is right...They usually are. Don't worry about the God part....Use the people in the room as your Higher Power...All you have to have is faith that they can keep you sober....And they can. Just work the steps....That took care of a lot of deep rooted problems I had from my addiction.