RE11

So I'm here truthfully out of interest and curiosity for those that share my affliction.

However, I wonder sometimes.

I'm in my mid-20's. I have a full-time job.. excellent credit.. graduated college with honors.. several 'positive' hobbies.. well-funded retirement.. great personal and social life.. consistent workout regime.. healthy diet.. etc. etc. Basically, I'm what I'd call a professional, or functioning, alcoholic.

This leads me to the ultimate question I face:

Then is it really that bad?

I come from a long line of alcoholics - bad alcoholics. I have to take care of my grandfather because he's typically drunk - even now in his 70's. 3 of my 4 grandparents are/were alcoholics and my father is also. We like to joke because we're German and Irish, so we have a predisposition to drinking.

But - I'm not like them, so should I really feel guilty? I feel as if we all have vices, but whether or not we can control them is the real question.

bitmap

You say you are a functioning alcoholic. What are your drinking habits that lead you here to ask the question? Just because you come from a family with alcoholics doesn't mean you necessarily have to become one!

desertsong

How bad does it have to get before you aren't asking, "is it really that bad?" anymore? Maybe that's the question you need to answer. You may be "functioning" right now, but alcoholism is a progressive disease and you won't be functional much longer if it continues. You could turn around in a few years and find that you have become just like your grandparents and your father, and don't understand how it happened. I know ... I've been there.

You asked your own question ... but I'll ask it again CAN you control this "vice" of yours? Are you able to stop at one or two drinks or do those couple of drinks make you want even more? Are you able to stop for prolonged periods without cravings or withdrawals?
You must have some concern about your drinking because you posted here for opinions.

In any event, I'm glad you're here, and welcome! You will find a lot of support here if you decide that you want to live a sober life. We're here to help, we understand, and we have been there.

EmeraldRose

It's really that bad if you think it's that bad.
If you feel that alcohol is controlling your life or its becoming habit than you may want to stop for a time and see how bad it affects you.
Most everyone I have heard of (including myself) was considered a functional alcoholic. You can call it whatever you want but if the word alcoholic is present, trust me, its not a good thing. That is just another way of saying you're exhausted and tired of keeping up the charade. Once I quit I didn't have to take the extra energy to be functional. Life is not a chore and I don't have to try so hard.
Sounds like with a family of drinkers you may want to put a stop to yours now so the second half of your life is as successful as the first.
Wishing you peace and strength.

sugarbear1

You are productive, but what does that have to do with your drinking habits? Do you drink more than 2 typical drinks per day at a basically slow rate? That is "typical" drinking for a male.

Give up drinking for 90 days. If there's no problem giving it up, you are in control. If you give it up and life is wonderful, alcohol was a problem. If life is horrible and you are irritable, restless, or discontent or you are having staying stopped on your own free will, then you are the problem and alcohol might be controlling you.

Many of us knew we had a problem in our mid-twenties, not all of us did anything about it until it got really horrible. You sound like me in my mid-twenties.

You came to a recovery site. There's a big blue paw print.....

Welcome to SR!

Shadydeal

Welcome, I truly don't have any advice but your young. I am not sure what your asking as far as if you might/do have a problem with drinking? But all I do know is your young and have your whole life ahead of you. If you think there could be a problem today or down the road....be very careful. Everyone functions for awhile, no one intends to have a real problem. I have felt more pain and observed more destruction when loving/dealing with an addict. Its truly sad for everyone.

Dee74

Hi RE - and welcome

I think most of us once considered ourselves 'functioning'...I know I did....unfortunately it's my experience that 'functioning' eventually and inevitably gives way to not functioning at all.

I drank like you in my 20s...similar achievements...I ended up 'that neighbourhood guy' in my 40s

It's difficult to say because you haven't given us much on what bought you here - but if you're a drinker like me, it just gets worse RE.

D

Amy2011

I was definitely a functional alcoholic from a long family line of alcoholics. I still had my husband, my kids, my job, my house, my car, and friends. What I didn't have anymore was my self respect. I chose to give up being a functional alcoholic before I lost all the things I loved in my life. Today I don't cringe when I look in the mirror and I am glad I didn't have to lose everything to see the chaos my life had become. Life is so much better without the guilt, shame, embarrassement, and remorse I had every day when I was drinking.

keepfinding2

Well you don't have to feel guilty about your heritage. There is no genetic like to alcoholism.

RE11

I appreciate the responses, but I want to focus on this post.

Last year I gave up alcohol for 4 months.

It was easy to me, and my life didn't seem to improve any, so I decided to drink again. After all, it is something I enjoy.

I came here out of curiosity yes, but what bothers me: I catch hell from those in my personal life that don't drink.

I personally believe an addictive personality is something you're born with - it's genetic. There are many addictions out there, but some are harder to control than others. But, even though I don't sit around and waste my life away black out drunk, I'm made to feel guilty about it by those around me who don't or rarely drink.

That's why I don't know if I should feel bad about it..

I never go to bars. I never drive drunk. I don't cause problems.. Yet, it's gotten to the point where I feel like I have to sneak away to have a drink so I don't catch hell from someone. It's incredibly agitating. As for the bit about having 2 drinks and quitting: well, maybe I have too high of a tolerance for a 160 lb 'kid', but I usually drink 4-5 shots and stop. I don't like getting 'sloppy'. I never act drunk or stupid.

So, should I care? Yes, I like alcohol. Yes, I know I'm a drinker, but my life is in check?

I've been drinking since I was 17. It's gotten bad at times in the past, but I never black out or get hangovers anymore..

BelizeDiver

Hi Re11, welcome to SR!

You actually sound a lot like me when I was 26. I was very athletic, Snow and Water Skiing, Biking, Running, Scuba and an avid Motocross Rider. I have multiple degree's and had a very well paying job with a very good employer funded retirement plan. I felt so good about all my accomplishments that I never even asked if drinking was a problem. I was even able to retire very early at age 39. I now live on an Island in the Caribbean off the coast of Belize. I am now 46. I look back and ask the same question, did I have a problem? When did it become a problem? The answer is most definitely YES from the beginning! 20 years of damage to long to list here.

The best support answer I received here on this site was this:

Alcohol is a very sly skilled thief. It rarely takes everything all at once, more like "one little piece of your life at a time". It robs you of your ability to develop to your full potential stealing many of your "could have beens". You'll never notice those missing because they never came to pass. You will also start to function at much less than your true capacity so again it's stealing your abilities and you rarely notice that sneaky bit of thievery.

It's not satisified with that as it's not finished yet, next it starts to take the real tangible stuff, jobs, relationships, houses, cars, bank accounts etc.etc. When its all done with stealing the "stuff" it will steal your sanity and then your life, only then is its thieving job complete.

So are you still wondering?

BD

Sapling

You can add a "yet" to all that stuff above...You're young and the disease is quite progressive....Give it a little time. There must be some reason people are giving you hell about it enough that you've resorted to hiding it. You know that better than any of us....

Basically, I'm what I'd call a professional, or functioning, alcoholic.

I'll give you credit for coming on here and saying this....Most people come on here and toss that label around like a hot potato for a week before you hear that word.....I was a functioning alcoholic once too....I ended up a broken, beaten and hopeless alcoholic...I wouldn't wish that on you. Sounds like you have a problem that deserves attention...You can give that now or later.

Taking5

Fuctional is not a type of alcoholism, it is a stage of alcoholism.

RE11

I appreciate your honest opinions.

What bothers me: my family is entirely blue-collar, bust-your-ass type people. They likely drank because life just sucked. I have it different. I was the gifted one, but now I fear my gift is a curse. I literally drink because life bores me.

This is what scares me. I've never told anyone this, but that is why I like the buzz. Regular life is boring. I overcome challenges and obstacles in life easily - at least thus far. So what happens? I get bored. My mind races. What, oh, what could calm my mind?

Liquor.

So, do you guys think a guy like me benefits from alcohol - given that it sedates my mile-a-minute-mind and I control it, or do I need cut it out again - permanently?

sugarbear1

Talk with a medical doctor regarding the amounts and how often to get a better view. I just went by the National Institute of Health fact sheet.

Your original post didn't mention hiding drinking from a non-drinker. I'm not sure what you are really trying to seek here. Are you drinking 4-5 shots per night? Once a week? How quickly do you drink this amount? These are things to be discussed with a physician.

"I came here out of curiosity yes, but what bothers me: I catch hell from those in my personal life that don't drink." Who has this power in your life?

It seems like someone other than you is having a problem with your drinking. And then there's your guilt. Guilt is an inside job. No one can make me feel something that isn't in me already. Ernest Kurtz has a book Shame & Guilt that is pretty interesting.

Last year's drinking is not this year's drinking in the area of alcoholism as it is a progressive thing. Can you give it up again? Life didn't get better after giving it up, that is a little red flag there. Apparently alcohol is important to you in some way. Is it escape? From what?

I would be more concerned with your health than anything else, as there are no real other problems, yet. Tolerance occurs from drinking in excess over a period of time.

It is only your decision as to whether or not you have a problem and what, if anything, you will do about it. Solutions exist.

Or you could continue what you are doing and see what happens in your future and take that chance. I'm not sure why you are questioning this now.

Maybe you need to have a heart to heart with that person who sees your drinking as negative and is causing you to hide to drink.

If your life is in check, why are you questioning it on a recovery site?

See, I'm a real alcoholic who had it all together like you do, until it turned on me and it turned on me rather quickly. Alcoholism doesn't care about intelligence or productive behavior. Usually we are the ones who have problems down the road due to our highly productive behavior and ability to use our intelligence to control it, until we can't.

Your decision. Let us know what happens!
Peace, Love, & Hugs,

sugarbear1

"This is what scares me. I've never told anyone this, but that is why I like the buzz. Regular life is boring. I overcome challenges and obstacles in life easily - at least thus far. So what happens? I get bored. My mind races. What, oh, what could calm my mind?"

The world is full of sober opportunities to get natural rushes so you don't escape through drinking. You just haven't looked for all of them, yet!

Sapling

I don't think anybody benefits from alcohol....I was kind of like you...I drank in high school and on most jobs I had because they bored me...A few drinks before made it a challenge....Then I just lost complete control of it...I lost everything....Over time...Time that nothing good happened for me. I got to the point complete abstinence was the only option I had....It was die or quit. I'm not saying you're there yet...Just letting you know what a future with aclohol has to offer.

Dee74

Like SB said, there's far better healthier life affirming ways to cure boredom or gain excitement.

I spent decades trying to escape my life. Misery ensued because wherever I went, there my life was.

The real solution was to work on me, and my life so I didn't want or need to run away anymore.

The last 5 years sober have been the best of my life

D

desertsong

"I overcome challenges and obstacles in life easily - at least thus far. So what happens? I get bored. My mind races. What, oh, what could calm my mind? Liquor."

This was me to a tee. Boredom was a huge trigger for my drinking. I had just moved to a new state, didn't know anyone, didn't have a job, nothing to do, so ... I drank to pass the time. And I eventually drank myself into oblivion before I even knew what was happening. It creeps up on you ... one day you're drinking and you can stop (somewhat); then one day you start and you can't stop even if you want to.

Four to five shots in a night is more than "moderate" alcohol use to begin with, but if you continue, pretty soon 4-5 won't be enough ... you'll just be getting started. That "buzz" will get harder and harder to obtain as your tolerance goes up, so you'll start drinking more to catch that buzz, which seems to become more elusive the more you drink. Not long after that, you'll start drinking to drunkenness and blackouts, and not long after that, you'll not only be waking up with hangovers, but with symptoms of withdrawal ... the only cure for which is more alcohol.

Don't think it can't happen to you ... I made that mistake and it nearly cost me my life.

My drinking problems started in my 20's and I'm double that age now. I wish I would have recognized I had a problem back then instead of suffering through two more decades of hell and losing so much of my life. I hope you will spare yourself that fate; you're young enough to be able to stop now and have few issues with detox and withdrawals. Alcohol is not a necessity for a functional and happy life ... in fact, it only creates the opposite in the end. Take it from the folks here, who can give you plenty of examples of that.

Best of luck to you.

langkah

Good you're still trying, keep it up.