not what I signed up for
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 9
not what I signed up for
This is my first time posting. I have read lots of comments and am hopeful for some good advice.
Ive been seeing my BF for more than a year. After about eight or so months I realized he might have a drinking problem, although he didnt drink all of the time, when he drank, HE DRANK. Come to find out later drinking wasn't the the least of my problems. Cocaine also came into the picture, hard and fast. As time went on I allowed him to mess up, appologize and promise it would never happen again. We lived this way until he hit bottom, was arrested and sent to a program. The best and worst days of my life. Best because I knew he wouldnt be in a hotel somewhere smoking himself to death. The worst because the 30 day drug/dringing binge had no build up..no fight, no nothing. He just never came home that night. Only to call five days later loaded out of his mind. I was completely and utterly floored. Missery does not compare to how I felt.
He is now 97 days clean and currently living in a recovery home. I can see the changes that he has made and the dedication that he is putting forth each and every day. I am torn, I love this man and we have been through A LOT in the last year and a whole lot more the last 97 days. It has been a roller coaster of emotions both for him and for myself.
I sometimes feel like I need to give him this time to recover completely, so he doesnt have to worry about our relationship too. Then a part of me feels like we have come so far from where we were six months ago. I would feel like I was giving up if we didnt make it through this. He told me recently he knows this is not what I signed up for. If I need to leave, I can, but there is a balance and we just need to find it and once we do things will get easier. Our life together will be better than ever. Then he will be able to be there for me the way he can't be right now.
Ive been seeing my BF for more than a year. After about eight or so months I realized he might have a drinking problem, although he didnt drink all of the time, when he drank, HE DRANK. Come to find out later drinking wasn't the the least of my problems. Cocaine also came into the picture, hard and fast. As time went on I allowed him to mess up, appologize and promise it would never happen again. We lived this way until he hit bottom, was arrested and sent to a program. The best and worst days of my life. Best because I knew he wouldnt be in a hotel somewhere smoking himself to death. The worst because the 30 day drug/dringing binge had no build up..no fight, no nothing. He just never came home that night. Only to call five days later loaded out of his mind. I was completely and utterly floored. Missery does not compare to how I felt.
He is now 97 days clean and currently living in a recovery home. I can see the changes that he has made and the dedication that he is putting forth each and every day. I am torn, I love this man and we have been through A LOT in the last year and a whole lot more the last 97 days. It has been a roller coaster of emotions both for him and for myself.
I sometimes feel like I need to give him this time to recover completely, so he doesnt have to worry about our relationship too. Then a part of me feels like we have come so far from where we were six months ago. I would feel like I was giving up if we didnt make it through this. He told me recently he knows this is not what I signed up for. If I need to leave, I can, but there is a balance and we just need to find it and once we do things will get easier. Our life together will be better than ever. Then he will be able to be there for me the way he can't be right now.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
I hope you will make yourself at home by reading and posting as often as needed.
I am glad your ABF is committed to his recovery. I hope he is successful in his efforts.
Can I ask what you are doing for your own recovery after living with active addiction? Are you attending Alanon or Nar-anon meetings in your area for face-to-face support? Are you getting counseling?
I think it is important to do self-care after experiencing life with active addiction. I know that when my addicted love one was at their worst, I was too. I was accepting unacceptable behavior by justifying it and attempting to control/fix/cure it myself. That left me a hot mess.
It was time for me to put down the magnifying glass that had me focused on my addict, and pick up the mirror and look within to learn why I allowed myself to accept a life of disprespect, lies, and manipulations.
I hope you will make yourself at home by reading and posting as often as needed.
I am glad your ABF is committed to his recovery. I hope he is successful in his efforts.
Can I ask what you are doing for your own recovery after living with active addiction? Are you attending Alanon or Nar-anon meetings in your area for face-to-face support? Are you getting counseling?
I think it is important to do self-care after experiencing life with active addiction. I know that when my addicted love one was at their worst, I was too. I was accepting unacceptable behavior by justifying it and attempting to control/fix/cure it myself. That left me a hot mess.
It was time for me to put down the magnifying glass that had me focused on my addict, and pick up the mirror and look within to learn why I allowed myself to accept a life of disprespect, lies, and manipulations.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
What are you torn about, starchild? It's not quite clear in your post. Do you feel the need to separate from him, no contact, until he has been sober long-term? (A year at minimum).
Do you feel the need to permanently end the relationship for your own good, given the intense pain and betrayal you have experienced with him in this, your first year in relationship?
He has no legitimate recovery yet. He's just starting. 3 months and 7 days is not sobriety at this stage, it is abstinence. Sobriety--recovery--is a full restoration of mental functioning and emotional stability and a diminishing of intense cravings.
He is statistically highly likely to relapse sometime this year. If you are living with him, sleeping with him, or just talking with him by phone, you will be deeply affected by his drug chaos.
If you are sleeping with him, when he is attempting recovery and likely relapsing, you are at great risk of STD's. Coke stimulates the sex drive and coke addicts are not famous for fidelity.
If you are living with him, you are at risk of being robbed.
If you think that because you believe in him, and in your "we"--as in "we" will fight this together and "we" will find a balanced relationship because "we" really want that--then you are misinformed about the power of cocaine addiction and alcoholism.
Because it is a one-man job, this time of his life, and there is simply no room for relationship in it.
Codependents do not want to hear this but it is a fact.
I would give yourself--not him, but YOURSELF--a one year rehab for codependency. No relationship. No sex. Address your issues, not his, not the "we."
If he does the same, independently, and you both do the work, independently, and you both meet as grown-ups in a year who are in serious recovery, then there is a chance for your union.
Without that, I would not count on much.
I hope it all works out for you both.
Do you feel the need to permanently end the relationship for your own good, given the intense pain and betrayal you have experienced with him in this, your first year in relationship?
He has no legitimate recovery yet. He's just starting. 3 months and 7 days is not sobriety at this stage, it is abstinence. Sobriety--recovery--is a full restoration of mental functioning and emotional stability and a diminishing of intense cravings.
He is statistically highly likely to relapse sometime this year. If you are living with him, sleeping with him, or just talking with him by phone, you will be deeply affected by his drug chaos.
If you are sleeping with him, when he is attempting recovery and likely relapsing, you are at great risk of STD's. Coke stimulates the sex drive and coke addicts are not famous for fidelity.
If you are living with him, you are at risk of being robbed.
If you think that because you believe in him, and in your "we"--as in "we" will fight this together and "we" will find a balanced relationship because "we" really want that--then you are misinformed about the power of cocaine addiction and alcoholism.
Because it is a one-man job, this time of his life, and there is simply no room for relationship in it.
Codependents do not want to hear this but it is a fact.
I would give yourself--not him, but YOURSELF--a one year rehab for codependency. No relationship. No sex. Address your issues, not his, not the "we."
If he does the same, independently, and you both do the work, independently, and you both meet as grown-ups in a year who are in serious recovery, then there is a chance for your union.
Without that, I would not count on much.
I hope it all works out for you both.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 9
This is my first attempt at seeking help for myself. I truly didnt realize how bad it was until I looked at my life as it is right now. Looking back at the last four months, I dont sleep...my mind races on and on and I cant shut it off.. I sit and I think and I think and I am miserable. I need to do something because I dont want to feel this way anymore.
Each day and each post I read I realize that this may not be something I can handle.
I dont want to feel like I need to be with him any longer. I feel like such a idiot for allowing all of this to happen..how do I dig myself out of this mess I have gotten myself into??
Each day and each post I read I realize that this may not be something I can handle.
I dont want to feel like I need to be with him any longer. I feel like such a idiot for allowing all of this to happen..how do I dig myself out of this mess I have gotten myself into??
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
It is all right to gracefully and firmly tell him that you need to focus on your own personal issues through counseling and that you need to suspend the relationship for several months in order to do so, for you realize that emotionally you are not stable enough to be in relationship with anyone at all right now. That you are concerned for your mental health and that you are seeking treatment for codependency through counseling, and that involvement with him or with any man during these months will interfere with your goal toward getting yourself healthy.
Make this decision, starchild, in your own mind, about YOU, all about you, and not about him. Then when you communicate your intention to him, keep it only about YOU. Be brief and clear. Addicts draw us into circular arguments when we try to set a boundary, they are very good at dissolving our boundaries because they manipulate so well. So be brief and be done.
If he asks, "Will we ever be together? When can I talk to you again?" etc etc, then you can answer, "I am going to leave that to my Higher Power and I will wait for an answer from my Higher Power. For now, I am going to get myself healthy independent of any relationship. I am taking my life one day at a time. I don't know what my future holds right now."
He may try to wear you down, violate your boundary, make you feel guilty or responsible for his emotions and/or future and/or addiction and/or his will to live......Addicts always want to make others responsible rather than take responsibility for themselves and stand on their own two feet. Gf's go back for more chaos all the time because the addict convinces them he can't do life on his own. Or that if the gf leaves, she is selfish. Or that if she leaves, he'll immediately find a replacement. This is how addicts dominate codependents. It is not relationship. It is blackmail.
I can promise you this will be a challenge for your codependency and a test of your emotional health. When we are mature enough not to be taking responsibility for another adult's life....then we know we are on the way to being healthy and being ready for a relationship of MUTUAL give-and-take, and not one person caretaking the other because the other cannot be an independent person.
Write down what your plan is for yourself for the next 6 months. Then the 6 months after that. Be specific about your plan so you know what you are seeking for yourself and you know what you intend no matter what anyone says. The clearer you are about your plan, the better you will feel, the more grounded and mature, and the less likely to be talked out of your own recovery.
You may indeed come together with him later. It happens. The addict can do his work and the codependent can do hers. Later, in solid health, they can begin a relationship on equal ground.
Your nerves, your shakes, today, are the result of being affected by an addict. Anyone ever involved with an addict will tell you so. It will get better, you will be better.
Make this decision, starchild, in your own mind, about YOU, all about you, and not about him. Then when you communicate your intention to him, keep it only about YOU. Be brief and clear. Addicts draw us into circular arguments when we try to set a boundary, they are very good at dissolving our boundaries because they manipulate so well. So be brief and be done.
If he asks, "Will we ever be together? When can I talk to you again?" etc etc, then you can answer, "I am going to leave that to my Higher Power and I will wait for an answer from my Higher Power. For now, I am going to get myself healthy independent of any relationship. I am taking my life one day at a time. I don't know what my future holds right now."
He may try to wear you down, violate your boundary, make you feel guilty or responsible for his emotions and/or future and/or addiction and/or his will to live......Addicts always want to make others responsible rather than take responsibility for themselves and stand on their own two feet. Gf's go back for more chaos all the time because the addict convinces them he can't do life on his own. Or that if the gf leaves, she is selfish. Or that if she leaves, he'll immediately find a replacement. This is how addicts dominate codependents. It is not relationship. It is blackmail.
I can promise you this will be a challenge for your codependency and a test of your emotional health. When we are mature enough not to be taking responsibility for another adult's life....then we know we are on the way to being healthy and being ready for a relationship of MUTUAL give-and-take, and not one person caretaking the other because the other cannot be an independent person.
Write down what your plan is for yourself for the next 6 months. Then the 6 months after that. Be specific about your plan so you know what you are seeking for yourself and you know what you intend no matter what anyone says. The clearer you are about your plan, the better you will feel, the more grounded and mature, and the less likely to be talked out of your own recovery.
You may indeed come together with him later. It happens. The addict can do his work and the codependent can do hers. Later, in solid health, they can begin a relationship on equal ground.
Your nerves, your shakes, today, are the result of being affected by an addict. Anyone ever involved with an addict will tell you so. It will get better, you will be better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 9
I am proud to say that I attended my first Al-Anon meeting this evening. (I had a MAJOR melt down today and all of the feelings I've had over the last year finally caught up with me). I cried the whole time I was at the meeting, but once I shared I felt soo much better. I have a new hope. A hope like I've never felt before. I know I've got a loooong way to go but I’m ready and willing to give myself to a higher power. Your kind words are so very much appreciated and so very much needed.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 202
Hi starchild
So sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment. You already know I think that are in the right place for information and support. This forum is incredible. Fair play going to your first Al Anon meeting too - they are wonderful places to be and will help you so much in your recovery.
EnglishGarden's posts are fantastic - I can't possibly add any more to them.
Please don't feel like this. You are most definitely not an idiot, or if you are then I am too, and millions of others. You didn't allow it to happen, it just did and is all part of the tragic world of addiction. We don't knowingly get ourselves into these messes, but we can knowingly start to get ourselves out of them, and you are doing brilliantly already. You sound like you are a strong person, and you are already taking steps to mind yourself.
Take care, Adventure
So sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment. You already know I think that are in the right place for information and support. This forum is incredible. Fair play going to your first Al Anon meeting too - they are wonderful places to be and will help you so much in your recovery.
EnglishGarden's posts are fantastic - I can't possibly add any more to them.
Originally Posted by starchild8825 
I feel like such a idiot for allowing all of this to happen..how do I dig myself out of this mess I have gotten myself into??
Take care, Adventure
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
hi starchild-
well done going to alanon. is it possible to also get a therapist? i gained much insight through therapy; specifically, how was it that i ended up with an addict. my therapy had almost nothing to do with my xABF and everything to do with patterns established in my childhood.
the reason i recommend therapy is so that you don't make the same choice twice, as many of us here have done. the underlying co-dependency, in my life, has extended to many relationships. i'm breaking that pattern now but it took a long time to see it clearly.
you are only one year into your relationship. there are no children, no common assets. you can cleanly move on with your life, your recovery. well done seeking knowledge at this early stage.
i agree wholeheartedly with english garden's counsel to step back for yourself. the reality is that most do relapse. the common advice here is to see if they are clean in one year but for myself, i feel that waiting a year would prevent you from getting on with your life. and even after a year, there is still a very high liklihood of relapse. personally, i would not get entangled with someone with a history of addiction.
well done going to alanon. is it possible to also get a therapist? i gained much insight through therapy; specifically, how was it that i ended up with an addict. my therapy had almost nothing to do with my xABF and everything to do with patterns established in my childhood.
the reason i recommend therapy is so that you don't make the same choice twice, as many of us here have done. the underlying co-dependency, in my life, has extended to many relationships. i'm breaking that pattern now but it took a long time to see it clearly.
you are only one year into your relationship. there are no children, no common assets. you can cleanly move on with your life, your recovery. well done seeking knowledge at this early stage.
i agree wholeheartedly with english garden's counsel to step back for yourself. the reality is that most do relapse. the common advice here is to see if they are clean in one year but for myself, i feel that waiting a year would prevent you from getting on with your life. and even after a year, there is still a very high liklihood of relapse. personally, i would not get entangled with someone with a history of addiction.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 9
Fortunately for me he is not trying to "keep" me around. My drama and codependency will not help his recovery or my own. That is something we have talked about. I didn’t realize that I was having all of these feelings and emotions about the whole situation. Actually allowing him to "recover" has been a challenge for me. Not because I want him to stay sick. I’m still feeling like I needed to control everything. It wasn’t until the progress started showing that I realized that I’m still feeling hurt and alone and just plain angry about things. I don’t know how to act.
There is love there and although it’s only been a year there are children involved (we both have them but none together). Our lives have been intertwined since before we started seeing each other. My children 11 & 5 are extremely attached to him (we shared a home) They both love him very much and they know that he is taking care of some things right now and that is why he moved out. All of his things are still here and he comes over on weekends. We sat them down (all of the children) and explained that he is sick and he needs to get better. His girls are a little older so they know where he is and what is really going on. I can't honestly say that I want out.
I went to my second meeting tonight and I wasn't a hot mess like I was yesterday. It wasn't as intimate as the one yesterday. There were about 20 people and I felt a little uncomfortable. The woman I sat next to was amazing and I immediately felt at ease knowing that she was next to me. Not sure why, it kinda felt like I was intruding on them.
I’m feeling a little anxiety ridden right about now. I text messaged a woman from my first meeting (she told me I could call her but texts were best), but didn’t hear back..how does the sponsor thing work? Will I get assigned one or do I have to go to so many meetings before I can qualify to have one, is it too soon to want/need one? I’m not sure I Just feel like I need to talk about this with someone. I have so many questions and so many things I want to say. Like now, when I'm feeling as anxious as I do. I have my phone lists from the two meetings but I don’t know what the rules are..is there a certain time to call or should I email instead, and what hour is too late to call??
Many thanks I'm feeling better each day
There is love there and although it’s only been a year there are children involved (we both have them but none together). Our lives have been intertwined since before we started seeing each other. My children 11 & 5 are extremely attached to him (we shared a home) They both love him very much and they know that he is taking care of some things right now and that is why he moved out. All of his things are still here and he comes over on weekends. We sat them down (all of the children) and explained that he is sick and he needs to get better. His girls are a little older so they know where he is and what is really going on. I can't honestly say that I want out.
I went to my second meeting tonight and I wasn't a hot mess like I was yesterday. It wasn't as intimate as the one yesterday. There were about 20 people and I felt a little uncomfortable. The woman I sat next to was amazing and I immediately felt at ease knowing that she was next to me. Not sure why, it kinda felt like I was intruding on them.
I’m feeling a little anxiety ridden right about now. I text messaged a woman from my first meeting (she told me I could call her but texts were best), but didn’t hear back..how does the sponsor thing work? Will I get assigned one or do I have to go to so many meetings before I can qualify to have one, is it too soon to want/need one? I’m not sure I Just feel like I need to talk about this with someone. I have so many questions and so many things I want to say. Like now, when I'm feeling as anxious as I do. I have my phone lists from the two meetings but I don’t know what the rules are..is there a certain time to call or should I email instead, and what hour is too late to call??
Many thanks I'm feeling better each day
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I'm so glad to hear you're taking active stePs to take care of yourself! I can hear in your post how urgently you feel the need for it!
I went to many Al-Anon meetings before I found one I felt at home at. I don't know how other people handled it, but I waited a long time until I got a sponsor. I think for me, in the beginning, it was such an emotional thing to be surrounded by people who got it, who understood my life, that I needed to settle a bit with that emotionally, get to see people for a while, before deciding on asking someone to sponsor me.
I was recommended to ask someone that I felt I could relate to and trust. It was hard for meti trust anyone, so I chose to have a sponsor separate from the meetings, someone I already knew.
I don't think there are any hard and fast rules (other than that you should choose a same-sex sponsor).
And I think I recognize the urgency in you wanting to start to deal with this NOW and not wait... You could start by reading the top part of this forum, if you haven't - the step posts, the other stickies... It's not like having another person next to you, but until you get that, it's something...
Don't worry if you text someone and they don't text you back immediately. You know how life with an addict can get messy. Don't take it personally.
When ive called people for support, I've tried doing it in the early evening unless they had specifically told me I could call anytime. My sponsor and I are both insomniacs, so we have many 2 am conversations, but generally, I don't like calling people after 8 pm - but that's just my thing, because I don't like people calling me after that time.
I went to many Al-Anon meetings before I found one I felt at home at. I don't know how other people handled it, but I waited a long time until I got a sponsor. I think for me, in the beginning, it was such an emotional thing to be surrounded by people who got it, who understood my life, that I needed to settle a bit with that emotionally, get to see people for a while, before deciding on asking someone to sponsor me.
I was recommended to ask someone that I felt I could relate to and trust. It was hard for meti trust anyone, so I chose to have a sponsor separate from the meetings, someone I already knew.
I don't think there are any hard and fast rules (other than that you should choose a same-sex sponsor).
And I think I recognize the urgency in you wanting to start to deal with this NOW and not wait... You could start by reading the top part of this forum, if you haven't - the step posts, the other stickies... It's not like having another person next to you, but until you get that, it's something...
Don't worry if you text someone and they don't text you back immediately. You know how life with an addict can get messy. Don't take it personally.
When ive called people for support, I've tried doing it in the early evening unless they had specifically told me I could call anytime. My sponsor and I are both insomniacs, so we have many 2 am conversations, but generally, I don't like calling people after 8 pm - but that's just my thing, because I don't like people calling me after that time.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 390
Through examining our own feelings through avenues like Al Anon, we not only learn about addiction but about how we contributed to the horrible dynamic. You said something big - you wanted to control everything and when he started getting better on his own you felt angry. Read about codependency too (codependent no more by Melanie Beattie) and this will be an eye-opener about your behaviours. For some strange reason, us codies seem to think that our actions can somehow manage/ fix/ change addiction; I just don't get where that comes from! Addiction is a powerful state - you see first hand what it does. It cuts through our efforts and through anything. Mice in labs will die without food and water to feed their addictions. How is it that we feel love and other actions can do something about it??!!
For a long time I just went to meetings, listened, talked to a lot of people. A sponsor naturally came about after I felt especially connected to one other person and then an opportunity came and I asked her. I didn't push it. You learn so much from so many in those meetings - one meeting I was touched to tears by the story of an elderly man who shared about his wife. He and I on the surface would not have really any common threads, but his feelings about losing his wife (to the bottle and eventually to death) was so bang on to how I felt about my AH. This is truly the power of the groups. You will find kindred spirits and it will help you deal with all of this, gain new perspective.
For a long time I just went to meetings, listened, talked to a lot of people. A sponsor naturally came about after I felt especially connected to one other person and then an opportunity came and I asked her. I didn't push it. You learn so much from so many in those meetings - one meeting I was touched to tears by the story of an elderly man who shared about his wife. He and I on the surface would not have really any common threads, but his feelings about losing his wife (to the bottle and eventually to death) was so bang on to how I felt about my AH. This is truly the power of the groups. You will find kindred spirits and it will help you deal with all of this, gain new perspective.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 9
I have been attending more meetings and I purchased some literature and have been reading up on my recovery. I am trying out different meetings so I can find the ones I like and where I feel most comfortable. I have one friend I text often she has been my sounding board when I feel that obsessive and/or feeling anxiety coming on. She calms me down and gives me tips on what she does when she’s feeling like me. It’s difficult sometimes to let go, but the more meetings I go to and the more I talk about this and the more that it is explained to me I am finding that I am not in control and I can not rule his life anymore, nor can I change any decision he decides to make either.
I just didn't know what to do with myself now that I'm (trying) not doing that to him. I know that I need to focus on myself "stay on my side of the street" quit pointing the finger at him and start looking at myself. Let go and let God is posing difficult for me at times. I really need a sponsor...I don’t want to pick just anyone and I’m not sure I have connected that well with anyone yet. Granted it’s only been 10 days but I feel like the sooner I start, the better I will be able to control myself when I’m feeling like I’m spinning outta control.
Any suggestions??
I just didn't know what to do with myself now that I'm (trying) not doing that to him. I know that I need to focus on myself "stay on my side of the street" quit pointing the finger at him and start looking at myself. Let go and let God is posing difficult for me at times. I really need a sponsor...I don’t want to pick just anyone and I’m not sure I have connected that well with anyone yet. Granted it’s only been 10 days but I feel like the sooner I start, the better I will be able to control myself when I’m feeling like I’m spinning outta control.
Any suggestions??
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I just didn't know what to do with myself now that I'm (trying) not doing that to him. I know that I need to focus on myself "stay on my side of the street" quit pointing the finger at him and start looking at myself. Let go and let God is posing difficult for me at times.
Now in the meantime, continue to get phone numbers from those that are willing for you to call them. And unless it is a 'dire' emergency that you are really 'freaking' out, be a bit considerate, but call these women when you need to talk or need reassurance or a bit of direction. The nice thing about Alanon and AA and NA and Naranon is that we get to get 'input' from EVERY BODY, lol not just a sponsor.
It is always good to have LOTS of numbers. Here is why. I found that every time I was 'freaking out' or not 'in a good place' and would try and call someone, I would have to go down a whole list
either there was no answer
the phone was busy
they were just leaving
etc
and sometimes I would literally go through almost a whole list of 20 people and realize that I didn't need to talk anymore, lol
or I would finally get someone to answer and they were the one that HP wanted me to talk to all along to 'hear' what the person had to say.
And, we here at SR are open 24/7, 365 days a year. Of course, in the middle of the night it may take a few minutes for someone to respond, but someone usually responds. And remember, because SR has folks from ALL over the world, when it is the middle of the night for you or me, it is broad daylight for someone else, lol
So, focus on you and those precious children of yours and you won't have much time to worry, fret, get yourself in a tizzy, etc lol
Please keep posting also, and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care so very much!
Love and hugs,
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