SoaringSpirits

My husband is probably what you'd consider a 'functioning' early mid-stage alcoholic. He drinks daily, mostly alone at night. He's rarely drunk and never goes to bars. He has been abusing alcohol for about 8 years now.

We are separated and it's pretty amicable. He is reasonable to deal with. He is sober when I see him during the day.

Do others find their alcoholic seems to have diminished executive thinking? They can't seem to sequence events or duties in a logical way? My husband has always been a bit disorganized but lately it seems far worse. Poor short-term memory and such. Today we were working on the finishing touches of the condo we had renovated for him to live in. I asked him to do something in preparation for hanging a light fixture, and we discussed it at length and in detail, but three hours later he had done nothing. I was frustrated and voiced this. He acted like he had NO idea what I was talking about. If he'd been drinking, I would expect this. But he was not drinking during the time we were working on the house today. Is his brain that much changed from the alcohol?

Is this wet brain? Something else? I am pretty well disengaged from him and all that, but I still have to deal with him, and sometimes I feel like I am dealing with someone with early dementia. This is a man who's running our $10 million/year company, so it's not like he's a complete vegetable.

mayalewiston

I can relate. My AH the CEO of a multi-million $ company and does the same kind of stuff. He, like your's, is functioning and other than the disorganization, sometimes forgetting meetings, and the above type of things, has not let it otherwise affect his career... yet. I've noticed my AH's is much worse when he has been drinking for days. If he has a few days of sobriety, it gets much better. The amount of conversations we have multiple times makes me CRAZY. I don't know about your's but mine also has a warped concept of how much time has passed since certain events - and it's always shorter in his mind. For example, he might say something like "the wedding we went to last year" when it was really 4 years ago... that kind of stuff happens ALL the time - it's like he doesn't ever realize how much time is passing? He also has to "think" a lot before forming sentences vs just saying what he means (I just want to scream "BLURT IT OUT!"). It's like we can never have a live conversation. I've also noticed him using the incorrect word in sentences lately when I know that he knows (or at least KNEW at one point) the correct meaning, etc...

I'm not sure how old your AH is (mine is only 33 - God only knows what the rest of his years hold given he is already this progressed in the disease), but I do think my AH's alcoholic mother has "alcoholic dementia," which can start very early and makes me worry for my AH given his mother. I copied this from a website definition: "It is a common myth that only the elderly are afflicted with types of dementia. This is particularly untrue regarding alcohol dementia, the onset of which can occur as early as age thirty, although it is far more common that the dementia will reveal itself anywhere from age fifty to age seventy. The onset and the severity of this type of dementia is directly correlated to the amount of alcohol that a person consumes over his or her lifetime."

I do know that some of the short-term memory loss, etc... CAN be reversible through long term recovery...

wellnowwhat

He also has to "think" a lot before forming sentences vs just saying what he means (I just want to scream "BLURT IT OUT!"). It's like we can never have a live conversation.

This is my AH! Sometimes it takes so long I forget what I had said/asked.

Lately, he has started putting himself at events in his stories when he wasn't present. When questioned he swears he was there and I know he wasn't.

He's been a daily vodka drinker for years.

His work is very detailed and technical and he seems to be able to keep up with all the technology and advancements.

LifeRecovery

Mine also struggled with what you write about.

I was not together with him long enough to know if it made a difference, but he got diagnosed with ADD right before we split up....I don't know what was caused by what. I suspect both the ADD and the alcohol use played a role.

I know he was having blackouts that played with his time perception of things. I realized some of those were happening w/out him appearing to be completely obliterated.

Thumper

My xah struggled mightily with executive function skills. If someone drinks every day it has to exacerbate that but I suspect he was born that way. He has since been diagnosed with a Generalized Anxiety Disorder, which can complicate things further. Our oldest son has a lot of difficulty with executive function skills. He's been diagnosed with ADD and some other LD's - all with strong genetic links and all result in difficulty with executive functions.

The elements of confused reality are not executive function based as far as I know.

SoaringSpirits

Thanks for your replies. As always, SR helps me feel like I am not alone (sadly for all of us).

Mayalewiston, I did some googling and read up on alcohol-related dementia and short term memory loss. I definitely think my AH's alcohol abuse has made his "absent minded professor" tendencies a lot worse. It's incredibly frustrating to have a conversation with someone (who you believe is sober) only to have them be very sketchy on the details of that conversation, or not remember it at all, hours or a day later.

Wellnowwhat, I actually came across what you describe about your husband putting himself at events he wasn't at in some info about Korsakoff's syndrome (alcohol related psychosis):

confabulation − inventing events to fill the gaps in memory. For example, a patient who has been in hospital for several weeks may talk convincingly about having just visited his auntie on the south coast earlier that day. This is more common in the early stages of the illness.

Sigh. This is all so frustrating. I have to continue to deal with my AH as we share four kids. We are still friends for the most part and we seem to be making a peaceful separation work as well as possible. I don't have time or energy for the inefficiency he brings to my life. He makes simple tasks so complicated at times. I just want to scream. I feel angry at him because he just feels so damn LAZY and disorganized and without real motivation to do better in his life.

PeacefulMe

This is my husband too. He is currently 63 but as long ago as 2003 we noticed similar problems. I was worried about dementia as his father has vascular dementia and AH was exhibiting a lot of similar symptoms. Went to a large medical center and he was just diagnosed with "mild cognitive impairment'. We have treated as best we could all the vascular risk factors that he has........hypertension, hypercholesterolemia, blood thinners for his intermittent cardiac arrythmia problems. He still has problems but I can't say that I see a lot of progression over 9 years with regards to the problem solving things. He has a lot of problems learning new things like how to use computer programs and such but as he used to work in business he actually can be quite good at certain tasks like gathering things together for our taxes and such. He really hasn't worked for over 20 years though..........a whole other story. He also has seen 2 other neurologists over the years because there was a question of Lou Gehrig's disease at one point (it was ruled out) and also has some features of Parkinson's. So no one was ever really able to put a label on him. None of the docs really got into the alcohol issues with him as he downplays the problem. I am a physician myself and am convinced that his problems are alcohol related. There are other possible contributing factors such as medications for depression and mood control etc. but the more I read and learn the more convinced I am that the alcohol is a major factor.

Anyway its all a moot point as I moved out 6 months ago and we are divorcing. Not soley because of the cognitive issues but because of his lack of acknowledgement of his addiction and refusal to get help along with the verbal abuse etc etc and other craziness that everyone on this forum knows so well. All I can say is thank God that I will not have to be a caretaker to him as his mental status worsens. (not that I wouldn't have done it for other illnesses in another situation). We will have been married 21 years in May and I wish I had gotten out long ago but there is no looking back now.

mayalewiston

Me too - I also forget what I even asked! This happens with nearly every conversation we have that is anything above and beyond talking about the weather... Yet, I hear him have professional conversations and his motor skills are just fine... who knows! Probably another thing that is my fault and a result of being married to me

painterman

Same here, I'm hanging on words for what seems like an age. But my partner, just through insecurity I think, also embellishes the past-in recent years her mother has become a pianist and her father a painter-I never saw any evidence of either..and whilst she's telling me this she is trying to diminish my past and my parents-it's crazy.