eyeswideshut1

Sorry to have two threads running, but I am having a rough week with the addicts in my life! I'm having a problem with my sister. She is a recovering opiate addict. She used to be a pill popper, but got arrested for forging prescriptions and joined NA and was more or less sober for a couple years, but last year she stopped going to NA. Tomorrow I am supposed to go stay with her for two nights. She mentioned to me recently that she has been drinking a glass of wine now and then, but she said it was just one now and then. But today she wrote to tell me that because I am arriving on Monday, her toddler son will be at the babysitter during the day. She says her son goes to the sitter every Monday and she and her boyfriend/baby-daddy spend the day "relaxing," which, she explained, means that her boyfriend (a recovering meth addict who she met in NA) drinks beer, and she drinks white russians. Ugh. I really don't like being around my sister when she's drinking, and I don't want to condone this behavior. But I already promised this visit and she will be very upset if I back out and get a hotel room instead. Right now I am staying in a hotel and visiting my great uncle, who is in a nursing home and dying, which is stressful enough. My sister lives about an hour and a half from him, which is why I planned to visit her after him. (I live halfway across the country from both of them.) So I don't know what to do. Maybe I will make up an excuse about why I can't spend the night and just go and visit her during the day on Tuesday? I love her and my nephew and want to see them, but the thought of seeing her getting drunk and then trying to take care of my nephew just makes me kind of sick. Both our parents were alcoholics, and I find it terribly sad that she seems to be repeating that pattern. Part of me thinks that maybe I can just go as planned and assess the situation this time, maybe she has it under control, and if her drinking has gotten bad, I won't stay with her next time. But I'm not sure if I have the emotional energy for that kind of test run right now. :/

Skye10

Maybe you can just assess the situation like you said when you get there...or if you'd like to see your nephew, maybe you can take him to the park or get some ice cream? It does sound like an uncomfortable situation to be in. I'm sorry about your great Uncle

eyeswideshut1

Maybe I will just see how it goes this time. If it were some other friend who wanted to have a couple drinks, I wouldn't be so concerned, but I know my sister's history. I guess I'm disappointed because I would hate to see her going down the road she was on again. She was such a mess before. There were a couple times when I went to visit her and she got so crazy drunk (on top of whatever pills she was on) that I vowed to not stay with her again, for my own sanity. But after she had been in NA for a while, I started visiting again. She had come a long way. I went to see her last Thanksgiving and they had a sober meal, which was great, but I wonder now if it was just to keep up appearances for the family who attended. I just don't want to see her go down that path again, especially now that she has a child to care for. Also, her boyfriend intimidates me a little and I'm not sure I want to see him drunk. He spent five years in prison for meth and is kind of a tough guy. And she lives in this kind of isolated area in the mountains, so I'm afraid of getting there in the evening and realizing it's a situation I don't want to be in, but not wanting to tell her I have to go and deal with her reaction, or leave and drive those mountain roads in the dark by myself. But maybe I should just give it a try and see how it goes before I assume the worst? Maybe it's not as bad as I fear...

keltie

I keep wavering on what to say to you, but after that last part about the scary boyfriend, I say go with your gut. I mean, she's SAID that her plan is to "relax" and you have explained what that means. Doesn't sound like a good situation for you. You do not have to be uncomfortable! I'd simply say I'm staying at a hotel with as little explanation as possible- just say you're more comfortable there. Good luck, hon.

outtolunch

That sounds like a terrific boundary. Consider the anxiety this is causing you. Why not uphold your boundary and get a hotel room? Likely all parties will be more comfortable, this way.