Olivia333

Hey All...

So I'm new to this site but I'm on my first day of 1mg suboxone. I too was an oxy addict for a little over two years.

I weaned down to 2mg of suboxone a day (been on 2 mg for almost 2 weeks) and decided to start cutting my 2mg pill in half and taking 1mg a day this week. My doctor wants me off of it by April. So, I thought by joining this site it might give me some inspiration and possibly a sense of hope that I can do this and eventually get off the suboxone.

I find one of the hardest parts is dealing with friends, family, boyfriend who have no idea what this is like. People take things personally when I don't want to go out and see them because to be honest I would rather be at home curled up under my blanket. I'm going to start going for walks as I think that might help a little before I try to throw myself into a work out routine. (I heard that it helps with the withdrawal off this stuff)

I don't have too many friends left anyway, because i had to cut most of them off (the users) the ones I have left have no experience with opiates at all or being in recovery and trying to get off suboxone. Sometimes I'm very tired or my joints are killing me, they think I'm being a baby, most days I try to suck it up but there are days that are just hard (like this week dropping to 1mg) I wish they could just understand that I'm not avoiding them, I'm just trying to get off this stuff!

I guess I'm just looking for some words of wisdom, send some positive vibes my way I know there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I'm detemined to get through this. I would love to hear if anyone else has problems with the people in their lives not entirely understanding this process of tapering and the withdrawals that come with it.

Cheers!

Olive

Stopdropburn

I was on Suboxone for years. I went 8 days with 1mg a.m. doses and just stopped. That was 12 days ago today. First couple days the w/d was crappy, but I wasn't dying. Days 5 and 6 felt sort of ok, Day 7 my cravings drove me insane, then I got very, very sick from my immunity (already low) dropping off with the w/d so it made it that much worse. I started megadosing Vitamin C, taking a MultiV, Echinacea, Folic Acid...I also started doing light workouts around Day 8 when I was able to stop coughing/sneezing and stand up long enough....nothing crazy, just light in-place jogging, light weights and stretching, and hot showers - your skin is the most detoxifying organ in your entire body, but you need to break a sweat at LEAST once a day and do a sauna/steam-type sweat once a week if not more.....I don't have a sauna but I've increased my workouts each day until now I'm actually doing decent weight work, sit-ups, jogging (light to start due to my Asthma), just continuing to add a little more each day, AND not eating junk and processed foods all day...it's cheaper to buy some healthy groceries and eat fruit and fresh foods than eating out and all that....but Day 12, and I'm feeling awesome. I'm still not sleeping a FULL night but a smile price for the rest of my health....I've been feeling more energetic and positive and happier, if I can do this, you can totally do it. This site was a HUGE inspiration and help to getting through this...last time Day 12 arrived years ago I relapsed....this time it's not happening. Just be prepared mentally to take your body back and be ready to be sick a few days - you can't avoid it, so just get through it...it won't kill you. You may get a cold/flu like I did which makes it worse with not sleeping for those few days, BUT, if you pack yourself full of immunity vitamins and rehydrating fluids you'll get past it quickly like I did. We've trained our bodies to depend on chemicals, now retrain it to produce it's own and take back your health and life!!! Welcome to SR!

KuanYin

Olivia, welcome to SR. You've made a good decision to remain away from former friends who still use. I don't think there is any way you can explain what you are feeling/going through to your friends and family members. Although I have never been addicted to anything, I have a 26 year old son who is an opiate addict, and I've worked in a SA treatment facility as well as in a Methadone Clinic, so I am familiar with (from an outsider's perspective) watching a loved one go through this. I would just say, be kind to yourself right now. Allow your body to heal itself. As stopdropburn said, keep yourself well hydrated, take vitamins, and try to eat healthy foods. Many suggest taking tylenol or advil as directed on the bottle for the general aches and pains, such as the inevitable back ache and head ache that typically accompanies wd's. It's normal to not feel very sociable right now. JMO, but rather than wasting your precious energy trying to explain wd's to people who will never understand/accept it, why not simply allow them to believe you have a very bad case of the flu? I'm not exactly saying to lie - the symptoms are the same - and if they think you are potentially contagious, they will most likely not want to be around you for fear of catching it, especially if they think it might be "H1N1" or whatever it's mutated into now.

Take care.

Olivia333

Well your post definitely gave me some hope... I do get a little fearful of what will happen once I'm off the suboxone for good... it's scary because I wonder if I will get back my oxy cravings since I know that I will be able to use without getting sick (you can't do it when your on sub as you know)

I never want to go back to that though, it was hell and this feeling is nothing compared to my 4 days of oxy withdrawal before my doctor let me go on the suboxone. I've only been on suboxone a little over a year but I'm soooo tired of being dependant on this stuff.

I have definately changed, I used to have a sparkle in my eyes and now when I look in the mirror and I see a ghost of who I use to be. I use to work out every day and once this rollercoaster started that all stopped. I know it's the same story over and over but your words give me hope that I too can get where you are. It's soooo nice to finally talk to people who are positive instead of hearing all the horror stories at my clinic.

I'm trying my best not to be a whiner lol. I know it was me who did this and there is no one else to blame, I just know that I want to get better more then anything and I will never stop trying.

Thanks again for your kind words

Cheers!
Olive

Stopdropburn

"I'm trying my best not to be a whiner lol. I know it was me who did this and there is no one else to blame, I just know that I want to get better more then anything and I will never stop trying."

That's the most important part to me. Knowing that you want to be off it and never stopping. You can't let worrying about using again stop you from getting off. You don't get off Suboxone and suddenly NEED the opiate you used before, the Suboxone is an opiate already, so you're going to crave for a few days or more....I still have a hair of cravings myself....but it's not unbearable. You have to have some willpower and be strong enough to not crack just because you're experiencing some slight w/d's, just gotta push through it. No matter when you get off you will experience some w/d, so make it sooner rather than later, so in a month you will be can be and happy, not just getting ready to go through the worst of it. It's only a couple days. Fear of w/d and opiates was what kept me on them forever....but that's not what Suboxone is for. It's too get off narcotics....you've been off them far longer than necessary, now the next step is get off Suboxone. It doesn't bind to the Mu receptor - which is the one that controls most of the physical dependence, so it's not going to be as bad as a full agonist opiate - especially at your dose. If you're concerned, taper to .5mg for a week - that's practically NOTHING - it's psychological. Don't make yourself panic, it just makes it worse than need be. The reality is you could've been off Subs after two weeks after starting....but we always scare ourselves into staying on them...might as well have just kept using everything else for that matter. Getting off Subs will not drive you to use oxy's again, only you can do that - just like only you can choose to not go after them.....once you get through the few days of w/d, that's it, no matter which opiate you're on, you will always have to make the conscious choice to not use again....it's a marathon, not a race. Your body isn't making Serotonin because of the opiates, so you will feel blah for a week or a little more depending on how much work you put into your recovery - I'm at 12 days, and I've been feeling good for 3-4 of them....YOU CAN DO IT!!!

Olivia333

Thanks Stopdropburn, you are absolutely right. I know it's a choice, it always has been. I use to make so many excuses for my addiction, losing my dad, losing my job, breaking up my 5 year relationship (all happened at the same time) I thought that oxy was the answer to my prayers, I could finally just be happy but the reality is I wasn't happy, it was a fake happiness that I use to buy, real happiness is earned and takes work which is way more satisfying at the end.

Reading your posts and other peoples posts these past two days has really opened my eyes. I realize that so many of us are going through the exact same things, I honestly think this website has helped me. I don't go to any groups so when I do go every two weeks for my appointment I usually end up talking outside to all the sub/methadone patients and usually I'm the one trying to support them so it's nice getting some support too

If you had asked me 5 years ago if I would be in this position I would have laughed in your face... a drug addict??? me??? never... I had never used drugs other then pot before all those things happened to me at once and I ended up meeting the wrong person, it was a recipe for disaster, the perfect storm if you will... but I'm not blaming. I feel that this experience really opened my eyes, although it has been hard, I see things so differently and I'm way less judgemental.

Thanks again and definitely keep in touch! that would be great! I will let you know how it's going. I have my appointment tomorrow.

You stay strong too! Sounds like you are doing great and you should be super proud of yourself!!!

Olive

Olivia333

Stopdropburn:

Oh by the way, I will definitely PM you, but you have to do 5 posts before you can send a private message... so I guess I better get posting lol. Not sure who will want to read my ramblings but I will do it so we can message each other. I've added you to my friend list too.

Ok be in touch soon.

Olive

KuanYin

Olivia, you are not whining, but even if you wanted to, this is the place to do it. We all have our turns to whine, me especially, but I'm whining over my AS! We all need an outlet where we can be totally open and honest, and know that we're not being judged. For me, this is that place.

stopdrop is right, you will most likely have cravings, and may dream of using, and there'll be things that are triggers for you. Usually when the cravings appear, if you've expected this to happen and figured out in advance alternative choices you can do when the cravings hit, chances are good that you will you will not relapse. I'm not saying sit there and worry, OMG, what if I relapse, that's not what I mean. Just be aware that cravings will rear their ugly head, and if you get busy, exercise, call a sober person, log onto this site (I've seen a lot of people who do that) and ask for help, say a prayer or meditate, ..... the cravings will pass. And that's yet another milestone.

You sound determined, and that's what recovery takes; determination. Another poster and Former Addict says that if a person is not serious about their recovery, anything can be a trigger/reason to use, but if they are serious about it and committed to recovery, absolutely nothing can trigger them or cause them to use. I believe the poster who stated that (I probably paraphrased it somewhat) is anvilhead. If you look up his/her posts, you'll find quite the gems of wisdom.

Wishing you all the best. Keep on posting!