Scared. But I want to get help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Washington
Posts: 176
Scared. But I want to get help
Hi everyone
I'm new to this site. I don't know what to say or where to begin. I'm an alcoholic. I only admitted it to myself yesterday. I have been drinking a bottle of wine 2-3 times a week before my husband gets home from work for about a year now.(he hardly drinks at all) Last night he came home and could tell I had been drinking ( he's found me this way a lot) when he asks me I usually deny it, but last night I felt it all needed to come out in the open. My husband has known there has been a problem for a while now. We even went to therapy and I stopped drinking for a couple of weeks. I slowly started to get back into sneeking a couple of drinks in before he got back from work and it's becoming more and more as time goes on. Thinking that I'll never be able to drink again makes me want to burst into tears. Telling my family that I have a problem just makes me feel physically sick. I'm not ready to do that. Admitting my problem to my husband was hard enough. Just don't know what to do from here. Today I can say I'm not going to drink but I'm unsure about tomorrow. This is do hard. I have been seeing a therapist for over a year now. She knows about my issue but I haven't been honest with her about starting drinking again. She thinks I stopped when my husband and I went to see her about 4 months ago. Now my husband wants me to tell her that I was lying and it's tearing me apart. I'm not a liar but the shame of my problem makes it easy to lie. I want to get through this without anyone knowing( apart from my husband) I just want my family and friends to think I just give up alcohol because of choice. Not because I have to.
I'm new to this site. I don't know what to say or where to begin. I'm an alcoholic. I only admitted it to myself yesterday. I have been drinking a bottle of wine 2-3 times a week before my husband gets home from work for about a year now.(he hardly drinks at all) Last night he came home and could tell I had been drinking ( he's found me this way a lot) when he asks me I usually deny it, but last night I felt it all needed to come out in the open. My husband has known there has been a problem for a while now. We even went to therapy and I stopped drinking for a couple of weeks. I slowly started to get back into sneeking a couple of drinks in before he got back from work and it's becoming more and more as time goes on. Thinking that I'll never be able to drink again makes me want to burst into tears. Telling my family that I have a problem just makes me feel physically sick. I'm not ready to do that. Admitting my problem to my husband was hard enough. Just don't know what to do from here. Today I can say I'm not going to drink but I'm unsure about tomorrow. This is do hard. I have been seeing a therapist for over a year now. She knows about my issue but I haven't been honest with her about starting drinking again. She thinks I stopped when my husband and I went to see her about 4 months ago. Now my husband wants me to tell her that I was lying and it's tearing me apart. I'm not a liar but the shame of my problem makes it easy to lie. I want to get through this without anyone knowing( apart from my husband) I just want my family and friends to think I just give up alcohol because of choice. Not because I have to.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Welcome to SR..Holly....It's a great place here...I wouldn't worry about who needs to know what right now...More important...What kind of recovery plan you will have...There are different options out there...Members here have had success with all of them..I've tried quitting on my own and had no luck with it...I needed some outside support...Feel free to do some reading and ask some questions...We all want the same thing here...
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
That's fine. Just don't drink for today. Then when tomorrow comes, make that same promise for that single day. Just keep going, one day at a time.
I can't stress how important honesty is to your recovery. No more lies. Not to your husband, not to your therapist, but most of all, not to yourself. No more lies about not being able to quit or needing to drink. Those are lies that alcohol tells you to keep you in its grips.
The truth is you can quit, you can get better. Because it can get much, much worse if you don't.
Originally Posted by Holly7 
Today I can say I'm not going to drink but I'm unsure about tomorrow.
I can't stress how important honesty is to your recovery. No more lies. Not to your husband, not to your therapist, but most of all, not to yourself. No more lies about not being able to quit or needing to drink. Those are lies that alcohol tells you to keep you in its grips.
The truth is you can quit, you can get better. Because it can get much, much worse if you don't.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 223
Welcome Holly! This is a great place to find support.
Your therapist ideally should be a safe person to talk to, even if you have not been completely open about your drinking. In the beginning the shame and embarrassment can be overwhelming but it gets better, it really does.
Your therapist ideally should be a safe person to talk to, even if you have not been completely open about your drinking. In the beginning the shame and embarrassment can be overwhelming but it gets better, it really does.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,518
Hi Holly,
I think that being honest with yourself and then with your husband is a really good start.
Personally, I didn't talk to my extended family about my alcoholism and recovery. By the same token, I don't think that they tell me about their darkest secrets either.
Please don't worry about what your family and friends think. I used to spend far too much time and energy worrying about what others thought. It really doesn't matter. I had to learn patience in early recovery and I had to learn to believe in myself, regardless of what others thought.
Alcoholism is a terrible disease and the important thing is that you get the help you need and that you begin your recovery.
I think that being honest with yourself and then with your husband is a really good start.
Personally, I didn't talk to my extended family about my alcoholism and recovery. By the same token, I don't think that they tell me about their darkest secrets either.
Please don't worry about what your family and friends think. I used to spend far too much time and energy worrying about what others thought. It really doesn't matter. I had to learn patience in early recovery and I had to learn to believe in myself, regardless of what others thought.
Alcoholism is a terrible disease and the important thing is that you get the help you need and that you begin your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 69
Hi Holly, welcome.
I completely understand how you feel. That was exactly me 4 years ago. My husband and I went together to see my psychiatrist and as far as my husband is concerned that was the end of the problem. I did carry on drinking, but my husband thought I was now a "normal" drinker. It is amazing how devious and expert we become at hiding quite how bad the situation had become. I got to the stage of drinking nearly a bottle of vodka a day on my own and then a couple of glasses of wine in the evening with my husband. I too was terrified of admitting to friends and family quite how bad things had got. I still cannot quite believe that I "got away with it" ... The one person I was honest with was my psychiatrist and I really recommend that you speak to yours. Without him and SR I hate to think where I would be now. As to the family and friends - I still have not told my husband how bad things were. In the end I told him that I was not going to drink for a couple of weeks or so because I wanted to get fit and lose some weight. I lost that puffy look drinkers can have quite quickly, and then when an explanation was required I told family & friends that I was enjoying not drinking so much that I thought I would carry on....Five months later I am still not drinking and I have to say that nearly all family & friends who know are noticing how much better I am looking and how much happier I am and are really impressed & supportive - & not one of them knows I am an alcoholic! OK, so I have not been honest with my loved ones, but for so long I was like you, terrified of having to admit the truth, and this way is working for me.
I completely understand how you feel. That was exactly me 4 years ago. My husband and I went together to see my psychiatrist and as far as my husband is concerned that was the end of the problem. I did carry on drinking, but my husband thought I was now a "normal" drinker. It is amazing how devious and expert we become at hiding quite how bad the situation had become. I got to the stage of drinking nearly a bottle of vodka a day on my own and then a couple of glasses of wine in the evening with my husband. I too was terrified of admitting to friends and family quite how bad things had got. I still cannot quite believe that I "got away with it" ... The one person I was honest with was my psychiatrist and I really recommend that you speak to yours. Without him and SR I hate to think where I would be now. As to the family and friends - I still have not told my husband how bad things were. In the end I told him that I was not going to drink for a couple of weeks or so because I wanted to get fit and lose some weight. I lost that puffy look drinkers can have quite quickly, and then when an explanation was required I told family & friends that I was enjoying not drinking so much that I thought I would carry on....Five months later I am still not drinking and I have to say that nearly all family & friends who know are noticing how much better I am looking and how much happier I am and are really impressed & supportive - & not one of them knows I am an alcoholic! OK, so I have not been honest with my loved ones, but for so long I was like you, terrified of having to admit the truth, and this way is working for me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: LA, California
Posts: 372
Welcome to SR Holly! One day at a time, one hour at a time if you have to! Once you're a few days sober you will start to realize how many problems Alcohol was actually causing you. Even if they aren't visible problems such as (DUI, losing your family or friends, etc) you will notice that it probably causes you depression, anxiety, bi-polar thoughts. It really does a lot more damage than I thought. Keep coming to SR, it's a great place if you want to stay sober.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
Welcome Holly. Take it easy on yourself and try not to solve everything at once. As you begin to come out of the fog you'll feel stronger and more able to cope. I wouldn't worry about making any big announcements at this time - you'll know when the time is right to include others in your recovery (if and when you want to). I would tell the therapist though, so she's better able to help you.
So glad you are here. Everything will get easier as you go along - promise.
So glad you are here. Everything will get easier as you go along - promise.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Hi Holly 
Great advice here - and I agree with Hevyn - relax - you don;t need to solve everything at once.
For most of us just not drinking is more than enough to be dealing with for a while
You're among friends here - we get it and you'll find a lot of support - and a few ideas about what else you can do too, if you think you need it
Welcome!
D
Great advice here - and I agree with Hevyn - relax - you don;t need to solve everything at once.
For most of us just not drinking is more than enough to be dealing with for a while
You're among friends here - we get it and you'll find a lot of support - and a few ideas about what else you can do too, if you think you need it
Welcome!
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Washington
Posts: 176
Thanks everyone for your support. I called my therapist and told her everything. It was really hard but I'm glad I did it. She recommended going to a meeting. I am going to go to one tomorrow with my husband. I am so scared but I know this is what I need to do. Knowing that others have been in similar situation to mine gives me comfort. My husband will be back from work soon and I never have any craving to drink when he is around. so today has been a good but emotional day.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Take a look at this site Holly...It might answer some questions for you...
Your First AA Meeting<
By the way..This program works...But you're going to have to put some effort into it..The result...It will change your life..
Your First AA Meeting<
By the way..This program works...But you're going to have to put some effort into it..The result...It will change your life..
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 274
Welcome Holly,
Glad you called your therapist today! Good job! Your on the right road. The biggest key for me to getting and staying sober is being honest with myself and honest with others.
I hope you don't mind me saying this again what doggonecarl said but it was sooo helpful for me early in my early sobriety, "Just don't drink for today. Then when tomorrow comes, make that same promise for that single day"..
Stick around, keep reading and posting it helps...
Glad you called your therapist today! Good job! Your on the right road. The biggest key for me to getting and staying sober is being honest with myself and honest with others.
I hope you don't mind me saying this again what doggonecarl said but it was sooo helpful for me early in my early sobriety, "Just don't drink for today. Then when tomorrow comes, make that same promise for that single day"..
Stick around, keep reading and posting it helps...
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Holly!
We all start off at the same place: scared, ashamed and overwhelmed. Things are going to start getting better. Like the others have said, take things one day at a time - baby steps - and keep it simple..... try not to stress yourself out. We're here for you!:ghug3
We all start off at the same place: scared, ashamed and overwhelmed. Things are going to start getting better. Like the others have said, take things one day at a time - baby steps - and keep it simple..... try not to stress yourself out. We're here for you!:ghug3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Washington
Posts: 176
So i sat down to dinner with my husband and he was asking about my day and i told him about all the support i have been getting from this forum today and how I don't feel so alone now. I tried to explain to him the shame that comes with being an alcoholic. He is being so understanding right now and it feels good. He said....can i ask you a question? I replied sure....then he asked "When i found all those bottles of wine in your wardrobe and you said you were collecting them for a friends wedding, that was a lie right?" I burst out crying and said... yes. I told him to expect to hear the truth about a lot of stuff that has gone on over the past year and he said that he will be happy to listen without judgement when i'm ready to talk about it. So thankful for him.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 274
I'm glad your husband is supportive, so was my wife, she was my rock along with this site and AA meeting.
It all take time. I didn't believe it in the beginning when everyone told me it would eventually get better, but it did with a recovery plan, I gradually lost the obsession with alcohol and am free to focus on better worthwhile things in my life.
I hope you can find your path in sobriety, and it helps coming here and read read and read. These folks are wise and they've been there. There's a lot of good advice and support here.
Best wishes..
It all take time. I didn't believe it in the beginning when everyone told me it would eventually get better, but it did with a recovery plan, I gradually lost the obsession with alcohol and am free to focus on better worthwhile things in my life.
I hope you can find your path in sobriety, and it helps coming here and read read and read. These folks are wise and they've been there. There's a lot of good advice and support here.
Best wishes..
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by Holly7
So i sat down to dinner with my husband and he was asking about my day and i told him about all the support i have been getting from this forum today and how I don't feel so alone now. I tried to explain to him the shame that comes with being an alcoholic. He is being so understanding right now and it feels good. He said....can i ask you a question? I replied sure....then he asked "When i found all those bottles of wine in your wardrobe and you said you were collecting them for a friends wedding, that was a lie right?" I burst out crying and said... yes. I told him to expect to hear the truth about a lot of stuff that has gone on over the past year and he said that he will be happy to listen without judgement when i'm ready to talk about it. So thankful for him.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...g-alcohol.html
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Washington
Posts: 176
Today is day 2 without alcohol and I'm doing ok. I drove past the store I normally stop to get wine from on my way home from college and it felt good to not be that person buying a bottle of wine at midday. I plan on going to my first AA meeting tonight with my husband( Today is also our 5th wedding anniversary) A conversation keeps going on inside my head about spending our wedding anniversary at a meeting, half of me is saying.... go to your first meeting tomorrow, but the other half is saying what a great way to start another year of marriage. Right now the "I'll go tomorrow" is winning but i know this is not the going to help. Also i wanted to ask you guys.... The meeting I'm planning to attend tonight is an open meeting but it also says its a big book meeting, does this mean its not for new comers?
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