NoHo

As I accepted a glass of wine after 7 months clean a while back, I didn't think of myself as relapsing, but rather as progressing into a life of normal, moderate consumption. I had proven my ability to go without alcohol for a prolonged period, and therefore convinced myself that I didn't really have a problem to begin with beyond occasionally drinking too much in the past. I drank two glasses of wine that night and went home sober and convinced that I had reached a milestone. I was now a normal, responsible drinker. Six months later, I was lying in a hospital bed receiving a benzo shot and having my heart monitored after a brutal panic attack. From two glasses of wine that one night, I had progressed to regular late night binging; nights bleeding into stress-filled work days capped off with more drinking to relax. It was a dangerous cycle, with the stress-relieving vice becoming the cause of greater stress, and worse than the one that had led me to stop drinking before. In the hours spent in the hospital, I thought back on my behavior since the relapse. I was grateful that nothing catastrophic had happened, yet embarrassed that the number of close calls had become more frequent. I was on a dangerous ride and needed to get off.

I have now reached the same length of time in recovery, and am completely amazed at the difference in my approach and attitude towards drinking now versus then. I thought I'd share some of those:

Old 7 months - "I won't drink to prove that I don't need to."
Now - "I DON'T drink because it is unhealthy for me to do so."

Old 7 months - "I just got over my skies sometimes, but can control drinking/not drinking by myself."
Now - "I need therapy/a program to assist in helping me to understand why I drank and to help find alternatives."

Old 7 months - "I just need to be strong enough to resist temptation. I am successful if I just don't drink."
Now - "I need to acknowledge that I will have temptations and not dismiss them, but rather seek to understand the underlying triggers and deal with them in another way."

Old 7 months - "I will hide/minimize the fact that I am not drinking from others. I don't want to seem weird or weak."
Now - "I will unapologetically refrain from drinking. I am not alone. Acting in a healthy way is no reason to apologize."

Old 7 months - "I will be able to one day drink responsibly, I just need to prove that to myself."
Now - "Regardless of whether I can ever drink responsibly, I've decided that the risks are too great and the highs too low to justify trying. I don't and will never again drink."

Perhaps the best way to define the difference is in the mentality of a "won't drink" versus a "don't drink". The mental shift to adopting this permanent position is one of strength, not weakness.

Impurrfect

((NoHo))) - Awesome post and a big congratulations to you on 7 months!!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Sharzy

That was good to read that. Well done and keep going

Sapling

What a great share...Where two glasses of wine can take you...It's amazing...I'm curious what you chose to stop for good....You didn't mention it..

Healthyfood

NoHo

Thank you for this post! You refocused my thoughts!!! I was thinking about the same recently, what would I do when I get to 6-9 months sober? Try a glass and see what happens, but after reading your post, Im sure I will not try it! Its a forever thing for me.

Dee74

Thanks for your post NoHo - and congratulations on your continued progress

D

Purplecatlover

It has to be a forever thing. Good for you, thanks for sharing!

CaiHong

NoHo,

Fantastic post. You certainly said it how it is .

I think it is really good when people post what they have learnt are experiencing along the way.
I am at 9 months and I think I have reached an impasse that I need to explore further.

Fabulous
CaiHong

newleaves2012

I think the "won't" versus "don't" is an important concept that I totally missed when I tried to quit last summer. it felt like I was fighting off the alcohol instead of just walking away. thanks for that and great job with 7 months.

debsam

Thank you NoHo!

Amazing post - felt like you were reading my mind. I can relate to soooo much to all of this.

I'm coming up to a year sober - change your thinking, and you will change your world.

sugarbear1

Congratulations on 7 months! Keep moving forward!!

artsoul

Great insights - thanks for sharing them! Congratulations on your 7 months!