Well here goes...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 19
Well here goes...
I’m 27 and I have a drinking problem. There, I said it.
I’m a binge drinker. Every few weeks I get the urge to suck myself silly. I’m actually pretty amazed at how much I can drink. I can easily put down a whole bottle of liquor and top it off with beer. Do not misunderstand me, I take no pride in this. To be honest I’m amazed that I have never wound up in an ER getting my stomach pumped.
When I drink to this point I sometime become a complete ass which doesn’t really make sense to me. I am the friendliest guy in the world when I’m sober. But something seems to set me off when I’m drunk.
I have a wife and 3 year old son. My son has never seen me this way, thank God. But my wife certainly has, the latest being this weekend.
I attended a going away party for a friend, my wife had some friends at our house for a “girls night”. I came home in the early morning hours happy as can be. My wife and I went downstairs to have a cigarette while our mutual friends were upstairs socializing.
As we were smoking my wife began joking around with me, making some pretty crude comments. She was drunk and thought she was being funny, but in reality the stuff she was saying was utterly MEAN. Now I should have recognized it for what it was, but being filled with alcohol myself I snapped on her, which escalated into a full blown argument.
The argument continued upstairs in front of friends with me looking like the ******* because nobody had seen what started it. Since it seemed to me that everyone was siding with her, I started being a complete dick to everyone in the house, even going so far as getting toe-to-toe with my best friend of over 10 years. I said some truly nasty things to my wife and everyone else.
I completely overreacted and am pretty sure I lost a few friends that evening. I feel horribly guilty. This wasn’t a one time occurrence. I have exploded before over equally trivial things but not to this level. I sent a letter of apology to everyone involved but beyond that I don’t know what else to do.
My wife likes to drink too, from time to time, but she is not the problem – I am. This morning we made a little pact with each other – I will not drink if she doesn’t and vice versa. My family is the most important thing in the world to me and I do not want to lose them. I don’t know if this idea will work, or if it even makes sense. I’m hoping it will keep both of us in check with one another.
Has anyone ever done anything similar? I’m open to all opinions and suggestions.
I’m a binge drinker. Every few weeks I get the urge to suck myself silly. I’m actually pretty amazed at how much I can drink. I can easily put down a whole bottle of liquor and top it off with beer. Do not misunderstand me, I take no pride in this. To be honest I’m amazed that I have never wound up in an ER getting my stomach pumped.
When I drink to this point I sometime become a complete ass which doesn’t really make sense to me. I am the friendliest guy in the world when I’m sober. But something seems to set me off when I’m drunk.
I have a wife and 3 year old son. My son has never seen me this way, thank God. But my wife certainly has, the latest being this weekend.
I attended a going away party for a friend, my wife had some friends at our house for a “girls night”. I came home in the early morning hours happy as can be. My wife and I went downstairs to have a cigarette while our mutual friends were upstairs socializing.
As we were smoking my wife began joking around with me, making some pretty crude comments. She was drunk and thought she was being funny, but in reality the stuff she was saying was utterly MEAN. Now I should have recognized it for what it was, but being filled with alcohol myself I snapped on her, which escalated into a full blown argument.
The argument continued upstairs in front of friends with me looking like the ******* because nobody had seen what started it. Since it seemed to me that everyone was siding with her, I started being a complete dick to everyone in the house, even going so far as getting toe-to-toe with my best friend of over 10 years. I said some truly nasty things to my wife and everyone else.
I completely overreacted and am pretty sure I lost a few friends that evening. I feel horribly guilty. This wasn’t a one time occurrence. I have exploded before over equally trivial things but not to this level. I sent a letter of apology to everyone involved but beyond that I don’t know what else to do.
My wife likes to drink too, from time to time, but she is not the problem – I am. This morning we made a little pact with each other – I will not drink if she doesn’t and vice versa. My family is the most important thing in the world to me and I do not want to lose them. I don’t know if this idea will work, or if it even makes sense. I’m hoping it will keep both of us in check with one another.
Has anyone ever done anything similar? I’m open to all opinions and suggestions.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Sober State
Posts: 1,126
Welcome. I was a weekend binge drinker, then every other day, then, everyday.
I acted like an arse to my husband many a times, blamed him for my own mistakes.
Alcohol is deceptive. It makes you think you're having a good time. Once it's in your system, you lose complete control of your mind, emotions. It jarbles your thinking. Makes you do things, you'd never do sober.
Stop now before it gets worse & it will.
I acted like an arse to my husband many a times, blamed him for my own mistakes.
Alcohol is deceptive. It makes you think you're having a good time. Once it's in your system, you lose complete control of your mind, emotions. It jarbles your thinking. Makes you do things, you'd never do sober.
Stop now before it gets worse & it will.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I made a pact like that...With myself....Then I did something about it. I hauled my ass down to an AA meeting and completely gave up...Alcohol won...I was beaten...I did what they told me and haven't had a drink since....That was only 8 months ago...But for me...That's a miracle.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Welcome ThisGuy 
I'm glad you've found us - welcome - there's a lot of support here
I've never made a pact with anyone no - if it helps you and your your wife then great - but I've seen more than a few pacts collapse and both parties go down together....
I think it's important to remember this is your journey, just as it's hers...make sure it's not dependent on someone else's success or failure
D
I'm glad you've found us - welcome - there's a lot of support here
I've never made a pact with anyone no - if it helps you and your your wife then great - but I've seen more than a few pacts collapse and both parties go down together....
I think it's important to remember this is your journey, just as it's hers...make sure it's not dependent on someone else's success or failure
D
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
Originally Posted by Sapling 
I made a pact like that...With myself....Then I did something about it. I hauled my ass down to an AA meeting and completely gave up...Alcohol won...I was beaten...I did what they told me and haven't had a drink since....That was only 8 months ago...But for me...That's a miracle.
I wish you luck.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by Dee74
I've never made a pact with anyone no - if it helps you and your your wife then great - but I've seen more than a few pacts collapse and both parties go down together....
My wife and I have been communicating through text messages today while I'm at work. She pointed out that I only get like this when I go to the bar and pound shots (which I do a LOT of).
We can sit home together and have a few beers with each other and have a great time.
I'm kind of at a loss. I don't know if it's really the alcohol, or an underlying issue that makes me want to drink a ton of it when I'm not at home.
I will say this, I have no desire to enter a bar ever again. I don't know if that's a good starting point or not.
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
Originally Posted by thisguy84
That's kind of what I'm afraid of, and I also feel like I may be deceiving myself into shirking some of the responsibility.
My wife and I have been communicating through text messages today while I'm at work. She pointed out that I only get like this when I go to the bar and pound shots (which I do a LOT of).
We can sit home together and have a few beers with each other and have a great time.
I'm kind of at a loss. I don't know if it's really the alcohol, or an underlying issue that makes me want to drink a ton of it when I'm not at home.
I will say this, I have no desire to enter a bar ever again. I don't know if that's a good starting point or not.
My wife and I have been communicating through text messages today while I'm at work. She pointed out that I only get like this when I go to the bar and pound shots (which I do a LOT of).
We can sit home together and have a few beers with each other and have a great time.
I'm kind of at a loss. I don't know if it's really the alcohol, or an underlying issue that makes me want to drink a ton of it when I'm not at home.
I will say this, I have no desire to enter a bar ever again. I don't know if that's a good starting point or not.
When one of you has a bad day the other one is there to pick him/her up.
Came to Believe
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Montgomery AL
Posts: 507
Yeah, I've made myself the center of attention at quite a few gatherings (and not in a good way), so I can definitely relate there. It's great that you're looking for solutions, but it's been my experience that if I put any kind of conditions on my sobriety, I'll eventually find a loophole. What happens if your wife doesn't hold up her end of the pact? Personally, I'd get drunk and then blame her for it. I'm not saying that's necessarily the case with you, but with me, sobriety had to be unconditional and in no way dependant on anyone but myself in order to even give me a shot at it.
--Fenris.
--Fenris.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I will say this, I have no desire to enter a bar ever again. I don't know if that's a good starting point or not.
I think a better start would be...Do you think you have a problem with alcohol?...When you start drinking...Do you have a problem stopping? Can you decide..When you drink..and when you don't drink?....Would you consider yourself an alcoholic?
I think a better start would be...Do you think you have a problem with alcohol?...When you start drinking...Do you have a problem stopping? Can you decide..When you drink..and when you don't drink?....Would you consider yourself an alcoholic?
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by Fenris
Yeah, I've made myself the center of attention at quite a few gatherings (and not in a good way), so I can definitely relate there. It's great that you're looking for solutions, but it's been my experience that if I put any kind of conditions on my sobriety, I'll eventually find a loophole. What happens if your wife doesn't hold up her end of the pact? Personally, I'd get drunk and then blame her for it. I'm not saying that's necessarily the case with you, but with me, sobriety had to be unconditional and in no way dependant on anyone but myself in order to even give me a shot at it.
--Fenris.
--Fenris.
She's a great woman, I count my lucky stars to still have her after all of the bullsh!t I've put her through.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by Sapling
I will say this, I have no desire to enter a bar ever again. I don't know if that's a good starting point or not.
I think a better start would be...Do you think you have a problem with alcohol?...When you start drinking...Do you have a problem stopping? Can you decide..When you drink..and when you don't drink?....Would you consider yourself an alcoholic?
I think a better start would be...Do you think you have a problem with alcohol?...When you start drinking...Do you have a problem stopping? Can you decide..When you drink..and when you don't drink?....Would you consider yourself an alcoholic?
All I can say with certainty is that something is wrong and I need to fix it.
recovering using AVRT
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 294
Binge drinker here. One drop of alcohol set into motion a lot of ugliness for me. I knew I needed to stop 20 years ago but I didn't. Over the years I managed it well. I finagled it down from 2x-3x week in the late 90s/early 2000's to twice per month for the last several years. But no matter how "infrequent" I got it down to, I still had absolutely no power over it once it began. Then, 2 weeks ago, I made this bang up meal for my bf for Valentine's Day. Steak au Poivre. Familiar with it? It's made with cognac. It was really tasty. The steak wasn't bad either. I took a nice evening and made it all about drinking the minute that glass hit my lips. I sneaked a sip here and there throughout the evening until I got to the point where I was sitting in kitchen by myself, in the dark and thought "WTF are you doing?!?! This isn't fun. I don't feel good. Cognac tastes like crap. And, I'm alone!" I woke up the next day I changed my life.
2 weeks for me isn't necessarily that hard. Last time I had drank before that was the end of January and the time before that New Years Day. So time will tell in a week or 2 when the habit circles back around for another appearance how I'll manage. But for today I'm building up the strength to make the right choices when it does.
Glad you're here!
2 weeks for me isn't necessarily that hard. Last time I had drank before that was the end of January and the time before that New Years Day. So time will tell in a week or 2 when the habit circles back around for another appearance how I'll manage. But for today I'm building up the strength to make the right choices when it does.
Glad you're here!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
When I ask myself those questions I get conflicting answers. Yes, I think I have a problem. If I start drinking do I have a problem stopping? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It really depends on where I am to be honest. I have turned down alcohol on many occasions, at social events, etc. Just wasn't "in the mood", you know? Would I consider myself an alcoholic? Looking back at my answers... maybe. I'm really not sure. Maybe it's denial.
All I can say with certainty is that something is wrong and I need to fix it.
If you're going to solve a problem...You got to know what the problem is....Then you can look for the solution to whatever the problem may be...Does that make sense?
All I can say with certainty is that something is wrong and I need to fix it.
If you're going to solve a problem...You got to know what the problem is....Then you can look for the solution to whatever the problem may be...Does that make sense?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by Sapling
If you're going to solve a problem...You got to know what the problem is....Then you can look for the solution to whatever the problem may be...Does that make sense?
I think that's why I'm here, to find someone who's situation may be similar to mine, and what they discovered and did.
Came to Believe
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Montgomery AL
Posts: 507
I think having the love and support of family and friends makes a huge difference in how successful a person is at sobriety. I've also learned that having the love and support of complete strangers who've gone through what you're going through can make an even greater difference. Welcome to SR, thisguy. Keep reading and posting.
--Fenris.
--Fenris.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
My situation was pretty close to yours....But my wife didn't make a pact with me...She left. And I continued to drink...even worse than I was...for another 6 years...Then I had to face the fact...That I had no control over alcohol...I didn't have the power to decide when I started...Or when I stopped...I was an alcoholic. So I had to do something to stop...Or continue killing myself slowly....I went to AA. I stopped. That's just me. Maybe your story is different.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by Sapling
My situation was pretty was pretty close to yours....But my wife didn't make a pact with me...She left. And I continued to drink...even worse than I was...for another 6 years...Then I had to face the fact...That I had no control over alcohol...I didn't have the power to decide when I started...Or when I stopped...I was an alcoholic. So I had to do something to stop...Or continue killing myself slowly....I went to AA. I stopped. That's just me. Maybe your story is different.
I could see myself furthering a downward spiral at that point, as I would have nothing left to care about.
I do not want this to happen. I appreciate you sharing your experiences.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by thisguy84
I fear that happening... that one day my wife will say enough is enough, take my son, and leave.
I could see myself furthering a downward spiral at that point, as I would have nothing left to care about.
I do not want this to happen. I appreciate you sharing your experiences.
I could see myself furthering a downward spiral at that point, as I would have nothing left to care about.
I do not want this to happen. I appreciate you sharing your experiences.
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