Crack Confusion
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
Crack Confusion
It is really hard for me to understand, please help me! I am in recovery now for six years and I love someone who has been struggling with crack addiction for twenty years. For over two years I have been a loving, understanding, supportive "witness". To be honest it is hard to admit complete powerlessness. I believe we all need one another, and we hold each other accountable.
After two years I have come to see all of the excuses that are cycled through and used again and again for the binge relapses. I also know that addiction is a powerful disease and that each of us is powerless. Still...aren't we responsible to do what we can to keep ourselves clean? If the excuse has been made that cash in pocket has become a problem/trigger...then doesn't it seem that being stubborn about cash... re: getting paid, keeping the whole wad of cash in your pocket, and then using it as an excuse that you used...doesn't that just scream loudly of intentional using? Can one be that insanely blind to their own blind spots? The excuses for using cycle around.
He swears he doesn't want to use, gets hijacked by the craving...but isn't he responsible for doing what it takes. RE: if he keeps cash it's the same as "wanting to use"...it seems that simple to me.
After two years I have come to see all of the excuses that are cycled through and used again and again for the binge relapses. I also know that addiction is a powerful disease and that each of us is powerless. Still...aren't we responsible to do what we can to keep ourselves clean? If the excuse has been made that cash in pocket has become a problem/trigger...then doesn't it seem that being stubborn about cash... re: getting paid, keeping the whole wad of cash in your pocket, and then using it as an excuse that you used...doesn't that just scream loudly of intentional using? Can one be that insanely blind to their own blind spots? The excuses for using cycle around.
He swears he doesn't want to use, gets hijacked by the craving...but isn't he responsible for doing what it takes. RE: if he keeps cash it's the same as "wanting to use"...it seems that simple to me.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 445
Hi Lesliej
I was just looking and saw your post; I know I knife jumped from friends and family.... But hope you dont mind.
Just wanted to say I'm sorry your guy is still struggling. I'd have to agree with your comments on the trigger... If you know it's a trigger you stay clear.
Anyway, think of u sometimes and all the advice you so kindly gave me.
So just wanted to send hug - sounds like you could use one about now.
Kel
I was just looking and saw your post; I know I knife jumped from friends and family.... But hope you dont mind.
Just wanted to say I'm sorry your guy is still struggling. I'd have to agree with your comments on the trigger... If you know it's a trigger you stay clear.
Anyway, think of u sometimes and all the advice you so kindly gave me.
So just wanted to send hug - sounds like you could use one about now.
Kel
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Leslie))) to answer your question about "Can one be that insanely blind to their own blind spots?" I was, with alcohol, then opiates (though I quit both with no problem/withdrawal). Crack? All I wanted was crack. Damned the consequences..I'll deal with them later. Damn getting clean, I'll deal with that later. I went from an RN to a streetwalking crackhead because it's all I could think of...need that high.
Jail didn't stop me, getting beaten up, almost killed didn't stop me, loved ones in tears didn't stop me. I had to face enough consequences (just my experience) to where I finally realized I can't do this any more.
Had lurked her a couple of years...had some ideas about recovery. Logged on at 6 months clean, coming up on 5 years.
Triggers? Oh EVERYTHING was a trigger..mention of a dime (to most people it's a form of money, to crackheads? it's a "rock". Certain music that my now XABF#3 used to sing to me. I could go on, and on, and on.
Did I struggle when the triggers happened in early recovery? Oh yeah. However, I'd made the decision to give recovery everything I had for 6 months..if I was still miserable and craving, crack was everywhere. It didn't take me 6 months to want to continue with recovery.
As ((Anvil)) mentioned above...short of someone holding a gun to my head to FORCE me to smoke crack? Not gonna happen. FWIW, I was a victim of 2 armed robberies and DID have guns at my head, so yeah....I'll do what you want if you just let me live. After both those robberies, though? When I was talking to cops, in the ER getting my head stapled up, all I could think of was "just let me to get to SR and I'll be okay".
I want recovery more than anything in life. Without it, I HAVE no life. It doesn't sound like your guy is there yet. He may never be..my last XABF died in a crack house. It hurt, it saddened me, I went through all the grief, but in the end...I couldn't save him and I had had to get away from him to save me.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Jail didn't stop me, getting beaten up, almost killed didn't stop me, loved ones in tears didn't stop me. I had to face enough consequences (just my experience) to where I finally realized I can't do this any more.
Had lurked her a couple of years...had some ideas about recovery. Logged on at 6 months clean, coming up on 5 years.
Triggers? Oh EVERYTHING was a trigger..mention of a dime (to most people it's a form of money, to crackheads? it's a "rock". Certain music that my now XABF#3 used to sing to me. I could go on, and on, and on.
Did I struggle when the triggers happened in early recovery? Oh yeah. However, I'd made the decision to give recovery everything I had for 6 months..if I was still miserable and craving, crack was everywhere. It didn't take me 6 months to want to continue with recovery.
As ((Anvil)) mentioned above...short of someone holding a gun to my head to FORCE me to smoke crack? Not gonna happen. FWIW, I was a victim of 2 armed robberies and DID have guns at my head, so yeah....I'll do what you want if you just let me live. After both those robberies, though? When I was talking to cops, in the ER getting my head stapled up, all I could think of was "just let me to get to SR and I'll be okay".
I want recovery more than anything in life. Without it, I HAVE no life. It doesn't sound like your guy is there yet. He may never be..my last XABF died in a crack house. It hurt, it saddened me, I went through all the grief, but in the end...I couldn't save him and I had had to get away from him to save me.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 43
Originally Posted by lesliej 
RE: if he keeps cash it's the same as "wanting to use"...it seems that simple to me.
We can't control anything except what WE do about it for ourselves. Sounds so simple, right?
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