Happy Birthday to me
recovering using AVRT
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 294
Happy Birthday to me
I am a binge drinker. I have been for 25 years (I'm 39). There were times I went a while without a drink (3-4 weeks or when I was pregnant at 20 I was sober for a year) and there were periods of time where I was black out passed out drunk 3x week. The last few years it has been a couple times per month.
I can't say I've ever tried to stop drinking before. Of course I had many of the I'll-never-drink-again mornings but nothing more than that. It certainly didn't help that I surrounded myself with enablers. I knew it was a problem but not really a problem (obviously). I was high-functioning after all!
But last Wednesday I promised myself that I'm not going to live like this anymore. I am tired of punishing myself, of the guilt, of the fear, of the embarrassment, of the let downs, of the broken promises, of ruined relationships, and of the LYING (to myself and to others). My 40th gift to myself is loving myself enough to stop.
I can't say I've ever tried to stop drinking before. Of course I had many of the I'll-never-drink-again mornings but nothing more than that. It certainly didn't help that I surrounded myself with enablers. I knew it was a problem but not really a problem (obviously). I was high-functioning after all!
But last Wednesday I promised myself that I'm not going to live like this anymore. I am tired of punishing myself, of the guilt, of the fear, of the embarrassment, of the let downs, of the broken promises, of ruined relationships, and of the LYING (to myself and to others). My 40th gift to myself is loving myself enough to stop.
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
and :day1You are in the right place.
Everybody here is rooting you on.
We are here to share each others trials and tribulations, successes and failures and everything in between.
Good luck on your quest.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
Welcome to the family sober4me! What an good post & a great attitude. Sounds like you're ready to kick that stuff out of your life.
I had reached the point where drinking was doing nothing for me. It was once fun, relaxing, a way to celebrate. In the end, all it brought me was misery, embarassment, even danger. It wasn't worth the risk anymore. Sounds like you're there. Congratulations on making this wise choice for yourself. You can do it - we're here to help you through the rough times.
I had reached the point where drinking was doing nothing for me. It was once fun, relaxing, a way to celebrate. In the end, all it brought me was misery, embarassment, even danger. It wasn't worth the risk anymore. Sounds like you're there. Congratulations on making this wise choice for yourself. You can do it - we're here to help you through the rough times.
recovering using AVRT
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 294
I haven't decided upon a program yet. Emotionally I know I'm ok for another couple weeks. After that is when "the beast" will have simmered to the top. That's when I go on the hunt for an activity that involves drinking but that I can suggest without looking like I'm trying to drink. (i.e. going out for sushi, cooking meals that use alcohol has an ingredient, having friends over, getting some yummy salsa at the mexican restaurant down the street, etc...).
So far the only "program" is detoxing my body. I am going to a 2 week holistic wellness retreat (all inclusive) in 3 weeks. I'm currently in the middle of a master cleanse as well.
The funny thing is... 80% of the time I live a life of total wellness. I exercise (pilates), eat only organic and prepare most meals myself with strict healthy standards. I juice several times per week and rarely eat out (see excuses for drink above). BUT, get a drop of alcohol in me and I turn into another person completely. I eat garbage, I'll even smoke cigarettes without one care in the world what it's doing to my body.
I want that 80% person to become 100%.
on edit: my lifestyle is one of the reasons why no one believes I am an alcoholic.
Thanks so much for the support!
So far the only "program" is detoxing my body. I am going to a 2 week holistic wellness retreat (all inclusive) in 3 weeks. I'm currently in the middle of a master cleanse as well.
The funny thing is... 80% of the time I live a life of total wellness. I exercise (pilates), eat only organic and prepare most meals myself with strict healthy standards. I juice several times per week and rarely eat out (see excuses for drink above). BUT, get a drop of alcohol in me and I turn into another person completely. I eat garbage, I'll even smoke cigarettes without one care in the world what it's doing to my body.
I want that 80% person to become 100%.
on edit: my lifestyle is one of the reasons why no one believes I am an alcoholic.
Thanks so much for the support!
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Awesome and Happy B day. 
Like Dee and yourself. I began sobriety at 39 now 40. From 20 to 39 I could count my sober with only my hands.Today it would take a lot more than my hand and toes .
Welcome aboard.
Like Dee and yourself. I began sobriety at 39 now 40. From 20 to 39 I could count my sober with only my hands.Today it would take a lot more than my hand and toes .
Welcome aboard.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 92
Welcome and Happy Birthday! Thank you for posting, i totally identify with a lot of what you are saying. It is so easy to rationalize away binge drinking, not only myself but some of my loved ones as well. It is brave to commit to abstinence, I wish you the best of luck! Take good care of yourself! xo
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