Purplecatlover

Been sober 35 or so days. Was feeling good. Had a bad day, stressed, depressed. I know drinking won't help. But had cravings for the first time in 3 weeks. Wanted ro binge & drown myself. Mad that I can't be normal. But I guess normal people don't binge. Mad at myself that I feel I need to escape.
I know I'll probably feel better tomorrow but life is hard sometimes.
Sorry to vent. Just feel alone & miserable.
I have alot to be thankful for.
Wish I had never discovered alcohol in the first place.
I know what's done is done. Just want relief from life.
I will be strong. Even if it's only the strength of a mouse.

Dee74

I'm sorry you had a bad day PCL.

Bad days are still hard sober - but at least they stay bad days and don't turn into bad weeks or bad months...

I hope tomorrow is better

D

Sapling

Hang in there PCL....Why don't you write a list...10 things you are grateful for...Works for me every time when I get in a funk like that.

LadyNoBinge

Do not apologize for venting, that's what these boards are here for. It is very brave to reach out, i admire you. 35 days is a big deal!!! I think it is normal to feel miserable now and then, we can't numb like we used to. Now we actually have to deal with these yuck feelings, it's the pits. You are never alone and I'm pretty sure you are stronger than a mouse! Thanks for posting! xoxo

Hevyn

Glad you came here to talk about it. I had those feelings quite a bit the first few months. They do fade away - your anxiety will lessen. It's early days yet - you will get there.

macknacat

its a miracle anytime i DONT use... drinking is what alcoholics do. so the miracle is that you are not drinking.

congrats and thank you for posting- i need reminding of just what it was like for me some 16+ years ago...

Anna

Life is hard, Purplecatlover, but you're doing great. You came here and vented and hopefully it helped a bit.

Purplecatlover

Thanks guys! I do feel better. Talked about my awful day to hubby & reading your words of encouragement help tremendously.
I know there will be bumps in the road.
Just glad I let the feelings slide on by & didn't pick up.
I know I will be VERY grateful tomorrow to wake up sober & renewed.
I'm so blessed to have found this site & strength from all of you!
Good night & happy tomorrows

PurpleCat

(((Purplecatlover)))

From one of us to the other, I know you can do it!

Wildcat16

Great work Purplecatlover - glad you spoke up! Funny how it helps to just say/type it outloud amongst friends... especially when it's friends who can relate whole-heartedly. The bad days are inevitable and it wouldn't be life if it didn't punch you in the gut periodically. It's through perserverance (especially on days like this) that true strength is gained though, and with every small victory we inch one step closer toward self-mastery. Give yourself a big pat on the back in the AM while you're celebrating day 36 with a hot cup of joe... or 5 if you're like me

Impurrfect

(((Purplecatlover))) - okay, I admit..purple is my favorite color and I AM a cat lover

That being said, I am coming up on 5 years in recovery. Today has been horrible. I turned to alcohol then drugs because I was overwhelmed with dysfunctional relationship.

I thought I was past that. Surprise! I'm back to where I want to get numb, escape, etc. because of someone else's actions (she's an A, and my stepmom).

I reached out to the people who "get me". I've been glued to SR for hours, e-mailed a friend from here.

I HATE that these feelings have re-surfaced. I'm more mad at myself than anyone.

However, my FIRST reaction was the same as it has been for almost 5 years.....get on SR, reach out.

Bad days come and go. They seem overwhelming, but when we know who and where to go to? It's absolutely priceless.

I'm glad you came here. I know, for me, that just venting, saying "I'm struggling" has kept me on recovery road.

Tomorrow is a new day...I pray that we BOTH appreciate it and keep moving forward

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Purplecatlover

Impurfect, thank you. I hope you have a better day.
I was more mad that I wanted to drink than my bad day.
Nature of the beast, he never takes a day off. Got rid of my stinking thinking.
But I woke sober & with more strength to slay him.
Wildcat, 2 cups of joe. Tastes better sober

We have strength in numbers.
Hope everyone has an excellent weekend. Thanks again, SR rocks