Redheadsusie

apparently- I look at my old posts of splitting with AH and then gettin back- nothing changes. He tells me what I want to hear and because I have no self worth apparently I buy it. I buy that he has to drink after getting off work at 5 am because his body hurts and it is "nighttime to me". I tolerate being hung up on and ignored and told I am a B and god knows what else. I think it is normal to be cussed out on a daily basis because "that is how I talk". I am successful, joyful, grateful and have 3 spectacular sons from AH #1- without them life would be intolerable. My business as a Realtor is booming due to my hard work- he wants me to just hand him cash when I have a big closing which I still can't understand and won't do it - I pay 70% if not more of the bills as it is. Anyway- I am ashamed to be me and ashamed that I take this **** from him. I will not fight with him anymore - just walk away and tell him I choose happiness and he laughs at me. Laughs at me. Told me last night "you always pull the good witch card and I am sick of it and your patronizing" - so sick of this ride- so sick and so disgusted with myself. Why can't I just go. Why the hell not.

LaTeeDa

Only you know the answer to that. Maybe a therapist could help you figure it out?

L

marie1960

you can let go, and when the time is right I believe you will. Nothing happens overnight. We all have our own had enough switch, I had a problem locating it, but when I did, there was no turning back.
Godspeed, my friend

dollydo

No one is keeping you there, it is up to you to make the right decision for you, your well-being. Telling him that you are going to leave and continue to stay there only adds fuel to his fire. He knows that you are weak, and are just blowing smoke.

I agree, therapy would be a viable and necessary option...also,Alano meetings.

You have issues since this is the second A that you have married,that alone should tell you something.

EnglishGarden

Please don't be ashamed, RedheadSusie. Alcoholics are very powerful in their disease. They are tyrants in their homes. (Even the few who just drink and sleep still control the entire family). The ones who are puffed up with the alcoholic arrogance, they are very powerful and the spouse is simply unable to fight the abuse because the disease is CUNNING, BAFFLING, and most importantly to keep in mind: POWERFUL.

It is not unlike being a prisoner at the mercy of someone skilled in brainwashing. Over time, we lose all our self-esteem and our ability to take action, make decisions, stand up for ourselves or even for our children.

There are complex reasons why this happens in addictive families. But it is a fact.

So please do not be ashamed.

I agree with everyone's advice. Please STEP OUTSIDE YOUR PRISON and seek long term counseling. Until you get outside help, I don't think you will be able to save yourself. To save your TRUE self.

You are smart and as you say, you have joy in your life with your sons. You are successful in something you work hard at.

Yet, you feel DEEP SHAME. This is what the disease does to everyone in its wake. (And I would guess your sons also feel this way no matter how many smiles they put on their faces to help you feel happy).

Time for change, Susie!

blwninthewind

Because when they are good....they are VERY good.
kind, respectful, loving, helpful.

If it were bad all the time we wouldn't be where we are....it's the flip flop that makes us have hope that they CAN be good husbands and fathers...because sometimes they ARE.

....That's what makes me stay.
I just had a great time w/ my RAH ...it dulls the memory of the bad times...and makes it difficult to decide what is truly better for me....

There is only two choices... stay or go.
but I'm stuck in the middle right now...limbo sucks.