aeo1313

Everyone I have talked to about my quitting booze has been supportive except one friend at work. I think she feels threatened bc our drinking styles are very similar- weekend blackout binge drinkers. She has been on me all day today how I'm fine, I don't have a problem, etc. We are both 36, but I have a 10yo and 12yo and she has no kids. I said one main reason was bc my kids were seeing me drunk too often- so she says just go out and then sleep at my place. She keeps saying how going out once or twice a month is good for me. Mind you, these are all the same things I say to myself when I question my drinking. It's only 1-2 times a month/ I'm not that bad, etc. I finally told her my depression is bad, and drinking isn't helping.

I am not strong enough in my belief that I have a drinking problem to keep hearing this pressure. She is saying everything I want to hear. Basically, she's thinking if you think you have a problem, then I do too (I'm guessing).

Anyway...I don't really have a point in all this, just, at 36, this is the first time I have had peer pressure to drink which is kind of ironic.

Sapling

Sounds like a friend you could do without.

Bikeguy

I agree with Sapling, may-be it's time to distance yourself a bit from this friend. Your 36, an adult, just lay it out there, I'm not going to drink and if she is uncomfortable with that...well then her problem, not yours.

Dee74

I had a friend like that too - we parted ways.
He kept drinking and I hear he's happy that way still, I stopped and I'm happy too

D

Sapling

Yeah...You really have to look at what do you have in common besides drinking...Like Dee said...I had a few like that and they are all doing the same thing. I have my own life to take care of.

Fubarcdn

My answer is exactly the same as Dee's answer. I had a similar friend.
If someone is pressuring you instead of supporting you sometimes the only solution is to part ways.

desertsong

Can't help but agree with everyone else here. Your sobriety may be causing her to examine her own drinking habits and she may not be liking what she sees. Also, if you were her "drinking buddy," she might be afraid of losing that, along with losing your friendship entirely.

Whether you keep her as a friend or not, you just keep yourself focused on your own sobriety. You're doing great.

Wasted

This

nexttime

I am pretty sure I am going to have to go through this with a "friend" very soon. So far I have avoided telling him about my decision to quit because I am not sure what I will get in response but my gut and brain are both telling me it will be peer pressure for the exact same reasons aeo talks about. I am hoping that we will still have a friendship but my health, family and the example I set for my kids going forward are far more important to me than the two to six times a month he and I drank together.

Lost3000

ugh. I had "friends" like that. They all disappeared - poof! - just like that. Now when I see them at work they treat me like a leper. I tried to get them to do non-drinking things, simple stuff like lunch, but they couldn't do it.

Honestly I'm glad I ditched them because now I have a different perspective. And they are not happy - they are miserable. It's obvious to me now and I'm so glad I moved myself away.

Hope it works out with your friend. But yeah, I think that is was inevitable for me.

least

a true friend understands what 'no' means and won't pressure you. i'd drop her like a hot rock...

Terminally Unique

This is the standard explanation you'll hear, and while often true, it is actually far more elemental than that. People who are impassioned to drink don't trust anyone who doesn't drink like they do, or more accurately, anyone who might disapprove of their drinking. They can sniff out others who are also impassioned to drink, almost if by instinct, and will usually try to drag such people into the gutter with them. I have observed this degenerate behavior for a long time, and I have never liked it, even while I was a booze hound myself.

This may not suit your temperament, but I have usually dealt with such people by saying the following: "Listen up, and listen real good, because I'm not going to say this twice. I don't care if you drink yourself ********, even in my presence, and you are welcome to do so, but I'm not drinking, end of story. Do not ask me again. Is that understood?" None have asked again. While some who were interested in "me" stuck around, those who were only interested in dragging me down with them simply moved on, all on their own. I didn't even have to ask.

quitforme79

If she doesn't or can't respect the fact that you are trying to live a healthier life (whatever the reason) I would do what least says...drop her. If she can't hang with you sober what kind of friend is that anyway? I have had a lot of my friends say, "yeh i've been there, we all drink too much sometimes." Well maybe a lot of my friends are problems drinkers haha But I know the ones that really love me are proud of me and supportive. Stay strong aeo...just say no

quitforme79

If she doesn't or can't respect the fact that you are trying to live a healthier life (whatever the reason) I would do what least says...drop her. If she can't hang with you sober what kind of friend is that anyway? I have had a lot of my friends say, "yeh i've been there, we all drink too much sometimes." Well maybe a lot of my friends are problem drinkers haha But I know the ones that really love me are proud of me and supportive. Stay strong aeo...just say no

iceteaplease

Aeo...if you were suffering from serious diabetes, would a real friend pressure to join her at Dunkin' Donuts for half a dozen? If you found out you had sky-high cholesterol would she be miffed that you didn't wish to spend an evening at a famous local steakhouse? My goodness, this sounds like quite a lack of sensitivity on her part. I am very sorry you are going through this.