Confused reading the big book
sobriety date 5-2-12
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
Confused reading the big book
I have gone to AA meetings and find them helpful, but am not finding the book relevent to my life at all. My pill usage and weekend drinking never had dire consequences. I don't owe money, have marital issues, legal issues, etc. The book seems to be written for the hopeless male alcoholic, and that is not me. I am a woman with a minor problem stopped in the early stages. It seems almost harder to fix when at this stage bc my life is not unmanagable. Acording to the book I probably am not even an alcoholic. Words of wisdom please?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
I have read the Big Book, but I've read a lot of other books on alcoholism/spirituality also, which were very relevant to me. I found "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp to be pivotal in convincing me that I could succeed in my recovery. It's a memoir of a young, high-functioning woman, written with emotional honesty.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: california
Posts: 323
Originally Posted by aeo1313 
I have gone to AA meetings and find them helpful, but am not finding the book relevent to my life at all. My pill usage and weekend drinking never had dire consequences. I don't owe money, have marital issues, legal issues, etc. The book seems to be written for the hopeless male alcoholic, and that is not me. I am a woman with a minor problem stopped in the early stages. It seems almost harder to fix when at this stage bc my life is not unmanagable. Acording to the book I probably am not even an alcoholic. Words of wisdom please?
Have you tried the Basic Text (blue book) of NA? My lovely sponsor gave it to me and I found it more relevant.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Are you working with a sponsor? Someone who has studied this textbook? I couldn't relate until years later, after my life changed due to drinking.
try some other books or try a meeting. maybe listen to speakers online.
try some other books or try a meeting. maybe listen to speakers online.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Newburgh
Posts: 868
I couldn't relate to some of the things that happened to those in the Big Book. But I could relate to how they FELT after drinking. The guilt, shame, remorse, all the emotional garbage that went with my drinking and drugging.
Many people don't get into any financial, legal, physical, marital problems. I had many of these issues, but I didn't lose everything. But I did lose everything spiritually and emotionally. For me that was just as bad as losing anything else.
Hope that made sense.
God bless.
Many people don't get into any financial, legal, physical, marital problems. I had many of these issues, but I didn't lose everything. But I did lose everything spiritually and emotionally. For me that was just as bad as losing anything else.
Hope that made sense.
God bless.
sobriety date 5-2-12
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
Originally Posted by eJoshua
I wouldn't suggest for you to continue in harmful behavior, however if you haven't had any negative consequences because of your addictions then why do you want to quit?
These all seem so minor, but I guess they were negative consequences and I shouldn't compare myself to others' anyway- we all have different lives and issues
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 456
Originally Posted by aeo1313
I have gone to AA meetings and find them helpful, but am not finding the book relevent to my life at all. My pill usage and weekend drinking never had dire consequences. I don't owe money, have marital issues, legal issues, etc. The book seems to be written for the hopeless male alcoholic, and that is not me. I am a woman with a minor problem stopped in the early stages. It seems almost harder to fix when at this stage bc my life is not unmanagable. Acording to the book I probably am not even an alcoholic. Words of wisdom please?
AA is a program of action and work and from what I've seen, rarely works for those that don't feel they've lost enough or had enough of the negative consequences yet.
Good luck.
sobriety date 5-2-12
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
Originally Posted by StPeteGrad
One of the fundamental tenets of AA is the concept "hitting bottom." AA does dictate what that bottom is, it is completely up to each of us. Some people have very high bottoms and some never seem to feel they've gone low enough.
AA is a program of action and work and from what I've seen, rarely works for those that don't feel they've lost enough or had enough of the negative consequences yet.
Good luck.
AA is a program of action and work and from what I've seen, rarely works for those that don't feel they've lost enough or had enough of the negative consequences yet.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
aeo1313,
Look at the first paragraph on page 44. Does that describe you? When you start drinking, can you control how much you drink? Can you stop drinking entirely?
Those are really the only two things you have to relate.
Look at the first paragraph on page 44. Does that describe you? When you start drinking, can you control how much you drink? Can you stop drinking entirely?
Those are really the only two things you have to relate.
Encourager In Training
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: KS
Posts: 717
Originally Posted by aeo1313
So where do middle of the road people go for help then? I don't want to reach as far bottom as I can with this.
Your bottom is yours alone.
And AA does not discriminate by bottom size.
sobriety date 5-2-12
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
Originally Posted by Ranger
AEO - As a woman you can surely appreciate the advice to resist the urge to compare your bottom to another's.
Your bottom is yours alone.
And AA does not discriminate by bottom size.
Your bottom is yours alone.
And AA does not discriminate by bottom size.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
From reading your posts it sounds like pills were as much as, or a greater problem than drinking. Take a look at the Basic Text of NA, you can read it free online, and see if that resonates a bit more. I abused both but found the BT more pertinent to my situation.
I am so glad that you realize that you don't have to go any lower, to start recovery . You are spot on!
Don't think your low is low enough? Think about this for a minute, how quickly and easily booze+pills=death.
If you wait for that consequence (and its really hard when you're wasted to remember how many pills or how many drinks we had) there will be NO chance of recovery. So stopping and staying stopped now is a real good idea.
Many 12 step programs do focus on bottoms and some meetings turn into "my bottom was worse than yours" fests.
If you find that is really making it difficult for you to identify, try another meeting, and check out some other recovery programs. If you can't identify with being derelict, but you KNOW you have using problems, RR/AVRT might be real useful to you.
Addiction may be addiction may be addiction, but as someone who abused both booze and pills, I truly feel there are some aspects of alcoholism that are not the same as drug use. That is one of the reasons I found a recovery home in NA rather than AA. It's not a case of one being better than the other, just which one I was better able to put myself into.
I am so glad that you realize that you don't have to go any lower, to start recovery . You are spot on!
Don't think your low is low enough? Think about this for a minute, how quickly and easily booze+pills=death.
If you wait for that consequence (and its really hard when you're wasted to remember how many pills or how many drinks we had) there will be NO chance of recovery. So stopping and staying stopped now is a real good idea.
Many 12 step programs do focus on bottoms and some meetings turn into "my bottom was worse than yours" fests.
If you find that is really making it difficult for you to identify, try another meeting, and check out some other recovery programs. If you can't identify with being derelict, but you KNOW you have using problems, RR/AVRT might be real useful to you.
Addiction may be addiction may be addiction, but as someone who abused both booze and pills, I truly feel there are some aspects of alcoholism that are not the same as drug use. That is one of the reasons I found a recovery home in NA rather than AA. It's not a case of one being better than the other, just which one I was better able to put myself into.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by aeo1313
I have gone to AA meetings and find them helpful, but am not finding the book relevent to my life at all. My pill usage and weekend drinking never had dire consequences. I don't owe money, have marital issues, legal issues, etc. The book seems to be written for the hopeless male alcoholic, and that is not me. I am a woman with a minor problem stopped in the early stages. It seems almost harder to fix when at this stage bc my life is not unmanagable. Acording to the book I probably am not even an alcoholic. Words of wisdom please?
Wishing you the best.
Bob R.
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
aeo ... (((hugs)))
Now ... let me remind you what you posted a few days ago. You were getting off the pills, but then went to a friend's house for dinner ... went to their bathroom, and found a bottle of painkillers. You stole several of them. Took them. Got sick. Felt terrible remorse. Gained greater resolve. Then felt your resolve wavering again.
Classic addict. I know. I've been there.
You don't have to have your entire life in the toilet to be an addict. If your addiction is interfering with your life in any way, even in the smallest of ways, then you have a problem. If you're stealing pills from friends, you have a problem. Is your life unmanageable? Maybe, maybe not. Only you can decide that. If you are convinced your life is not yet unmanageable, then fine. But I guarantee you that if you continue to use in any way, shape or form, you will get there eventually.
Rationalizations and denial are the addict's worst enemies, and they are powerful. They can convince us that we are "okay" because we aren't as "bad off" as some of the other people we've heard about or have met in our AA or NA meetings. So the alcoholic says, "Oh, I've been sober for (insert number here) days ... I can have a drink or two." The pillpopper says, "I've been clean for (insert number here) days ... I can pop a couple." The insanity of it all is knowing that we can't stop at that first drink or that first pill ... and doing it anyway. And then saying that we're still okay because "my life isn't unmanageable, I'll be okay." Denial at its finest.
Only you can determine if you are alcoholic or a narcotics addict. From your previous posts, it seems clear to me that you have already decided this but you figure since your life isn't completely out of control, it may be okay to continue using. I can only say that I feel for you, but this is dangerous thinking. My life wasn't completely unmanageable because of my drinking either, but it was still out of control and ugly in many ways. If I'd waited until it was completely unmanageable (it was bad enough already), I may not have pulled out of it in time to save myself and everyone/everything I cared about.
Not trying to be harsh here ... just offering a reality check. It sounds to me like you're wavering about using again, and my "red flags" went up. I hope you make the best decisions for yourself and your family. Stay strong ... keep your eyes on the prize. It is so much easier to just say "I don't need this stuff" then to engage in brain debates about whether or not you can use "safely and moderately." For must of us, the answer is pretty clear. Best wishes to you.
Now ... let me remind you what you posted a few days ago. You were getting off the pills, but then went to a friend's house for dinner ... went to their bathroom, and found a bottle of painkillers. You stole several of them. Took them. Got sick. Felt terrible remorse. Gained greater resolve. Then felt your resolve wavering again.
Classic addict. I know. I've been there.
You don't have to have your entire life in the toilet to be an addict. If your addiction is interfering with your life in any way, even in the smallest of ways, then you have a problem. If you're stealing pills from friends, you have a problem. Is your life unmanageable? Maybe, maybe not. Only you can decide that. If you are convinced your life is not yet unmanageable, then fine. But I guarantee you that if you continue to use in any way, shape or form, you will get there eventually.
Rationalizations and denial are the addict's worst enemies, and they are powerful. They can convince us that we are "okay" because we aren't as "bad off" as some of the other people we've heard about or have met in our AA or NA meetings. So the alcoholic says, "Oh, I've been sober for (insert number here) days ... I can have a drink or two." The pillpopper says, "I've been clean for (insert number here) days ... I can pop a couple." The insanity of it all is knowing that we can't stop at that first drink or that first pill ... and doing it anyway. And then saying that we're still okay because "my life isn't unmanageable, I'll be okay." Denial at its finest.
Only you can determine if you are alcoholic or a narcotics addict. From your previous posts, it seems clear to me that you have already decided this but you figure since your life isn't completely out of control, it may be okay to continue using. I can only say that I feel for you, but this is dangerous thinking. My life wasn't completely unmanageable because of my drinking either, but it was still out of control and ugly in many ways. If I'd waited until it was completely unmanageable (it was bad enough already), I may not have pulled out of it in time to save myself and everyone/everything I cared about.
Not trying to be harsh here ... just offering a reality check. It sounds to me like you're wavering about using again, and my "red flags" went up. I hope you make the best decisions for yourself and your family. Stay strong ... keep your eyes on the prize. It is so much easier to just say "I don't need this stuff" then to engage in brain debates about whether or not you can use "safely and moderately." For must of us, the answer is pretty clear. Best wishes to you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Some great advice here aeo 
I spent a lot of my 30 years or so as a drug taker and drinker finding it hard to believe I had a problem- I paid all my bills, I achieved a lot in my various careers, I was very skilled at not letting people know I had a problem (or so I thought anyway).
I was very good at finding people to look at say 'hey at least I'm not like them'.
then...I ended up a shambolic, unemployed 24/7 very public drunk.
That progression wasn't clear to me at the time - but when I looked back it was inevitable.
finding the differences is easy - I didn't know many other university educated alcoholics and addicts who were also professional musicians and academics with cerebral palsy (but they're probably out there)
I think now it's way more beneficial to look for the similarities
D
I spent a lot of my 30 years or so as a drug taker and drinker finding it hard to believe I had a problem- I paid all my bills, I achieved a lot in my various careers, I was very skilled at not letting people know I had a problem (or so I thought anyway).
I was very good at finding people to look at say 'hey at least I'm not like them'.
then...I ended up a shambolic, unemployed 24/7 very public drunk.
That progression wasn't clear to me at the time - but when I looked back it was inevitable.
finding the differences is easy - I didn't know many other university educated alcoholics and addicts who were also professional musicians and academics with cerebral palsy (but they're probably out there)
I think now it's way more beneficial to look for the similarities
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 93
---[pills were interfering with my depression and not letting my prozac work]---
Pills interfere with your depression meds?! I've never heard that. Call me stupid, maybe it should have been common sense. Maybe that's a big part of my problems too.
Pills interfere with your depression meds?! I've never heard that. Call me stupid, maybe it should have been common sense. Maybe that's a big part of my problems too.
sobriety date 5-2-12
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
Originally Posted by GalFriday
---[pills were interfering with my depression and not letting my prozac work]---
Pills interfere with your depression meds?! I've never heard that. Call me stupid, maybe it should have been common sense. Maybe that's a big part of my problems too.
Pills interfere with your depression meds?! I've never heard that. Call me stupid, maybe it should have been common sense. Maybe that's a big part of my problems too.
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