choublak

For not understanding how addicts think. I don't "get it".

Terminally Unique

It's fairly simple, actually. They want to get drunk/high as if life itself depended on it, as if that's what life is really all about.

choublak

For example, how does someone who has alcoholic loved ones, and a member of Al-Anon, later on become an alcoholic themselves? Wouldn't they know to stay away from it, or something?

I asked that question and got scolded with, "you don't get it".

Anna

You'll probably get more input about how an AlAnon member can become an alcoholic in the Friends & Families forum.

Dee74

Addiction not logical tho - I had a great many alcoholic relatives.
Still didn't stop me - I was 'different'.

Don't let anyone make you feel bad for not knowing...it took me 20 years to gain even a basic understanding...and I'm still learning

D

Threshold

Well, here is my take on it, as far as the how people who love addicts sometimes end up being one themselves.

You may not fit the CoD profile, but...many CoD's hang in there believing (because they want to or need to) the tales, promises and sorry's of the addict. They tell themselves that THIS time it's going to be different.

They make excuses for and justifications for their beloved addicts behavior, failings, etc.
They cover for them, bail them out, dust them off, over and over again.

They tell themselves NEVER again, but when the addict shows up, they take them back and repeat the cycle of insanity.

Addicts pretty much do all that and tell themselves all those things about our DOC.

Some CoD's can't put down the addict, and eventually they are so stressed they start using something to "deal", but really they are using it so they can NOT deal with the reality of the impossible situation.

And the cycle repeats.

If you don't have any of the patterns of a CoD, this probably still won't make sense to you.

choublak

I got some input; others didn't understand the question...

But thanks regardless.

instant

Sometimes the question cannot be understood, but there are just solutions

1983ritag

I never understood my mother's addiction to alcohol, or ny brother's addiction to coke. I always used to get mad at them and ask them why they couldn't just say no. Why couldn't they just make the choice to stop. For me, it was that easy, I would make the choice to stop and never had problems. I didn't have the obsession yet. In time things changed for me and it wasn't just an easy choice of saying no and being done with it. I finally understand them now. Isaid I'd never be an alcoholic or addict. Once I introduced that first drink, I think it was only a matter of time for me.

GalFriday

Here's how to understand it. Do not eat for a weak, and I mean nothing. It won't hurt you physically to got without, it will just consume your thoughts. Then at the end of the weak get a great big pizza, a juicy steak, some red velvet cake, and a pecan pie (or whatever is your fancy). Spread them all out on the table and sit down and look at them. That's right, just LOOK. Feel what happens to your body and mind...your mouth physically starts salivating, your hands are shaking, your mind tells you to dive in NOW, you cannot imagine NOT eating this food, your brain says "why the hell not?" because my body NEEDS this food to survive, it is a basic human instinct to eat!

That is what it feels/thinks like. A basic instinct to use. It is not a conscious decision or a irresponsible choice. It is a feeling that your body and mind produces that you have no control over, no more so than you can control your huger pangs.

quitforme79

That was so me threshold....thank you for helping me understand myself even more

midgetcop

As Dee already mentioned, there is no logic to alcoholism. Alcoholism does not respond to rational thought. Alcoholism doesn't care about your "reasons" for drinking, or "deep underlying issues". It just wants you to drink, and will help you fabricate any reason or rationalization in the world to pick up that first drink (and then the 2nd, and 3rd...).

Having said that, it's not fair for someone to dismiss you with a "you don't get it" type of response, when you're making an earnest attempt to understand. I think maybe alcoholics get defensive at having to explain our addictions to others, and "defend" ourselves from those who would dismiss/belittle our addiction (I don't mean you, just to be clear).

icutrauma1

GalFriday, that helps me to understand, it also keeps me from asking the constant "why", now that my xagf left her halfway house on day 2. She didn't take the advice to stay another 30 days. She had made some good progress and I hope when/if she hits another bottom she is MORE "sick & tired of being sick & tired".

flutter

choublak, I think it's good that you *know* you can't understand it.. that's better than thinking you do, and operating from there.

I think the fact that some of us HAVE suffered through alcoholic relationships and 'become' alcoholics proves how crazy this stuff is.

My personal experience in a really tiny nutshell: My parents are alcoholics, sober for almost 20 years.. I'm almost 37, so that means until I was leaving for college, they drank alcoholically. That damaged me, I know this. I also "hated" alcohol when I was young, experiencing first hand what it had done to my family (well at the time I blamed the alcohol, I know now obviously it wasn't the problem). I'd never ever ever be like them. Well, it was all I knew. It was what I learned. I grew up without learning any healthy coping skills in life, add to that a hefty genetic predisposition towards alcoholism. I became a teenager, and wanted the "bad".. so I drank. Logically, it makes no sense, I know.. So I drank, and drank.. it became my entire life's toolbox just like I learned all those years. I'll never blame my parents or their alcoholism for my issues, but it sure as heck didn't help! Towards the end of my drinking, I thought.. "I got worse than them..", and continued to spiral into the depths of my hell, until it almost (and very rightly should have) killed me.

No idea if that perspective is helpful or not, but that was my personal experience, it's all I have :o)

penny74

Be glad you don't "get it "

FlyerFan

There are theories that it can be hereditary, and even if they know its bad and to stay away from it, sometimes our minds convince us that we can control things when our bodies cant.