lillamy

I know better. I really do. But right now, the relationship I have to have with AXH (because we share custody of children) is functional. For the first time, really, in almost 2 years. And I'm hoping again.

Hoping that, for the sake of the children, it remains this way. It's so much better for them when everything isn't like pulling teeth. He even listens to their wishes and is flexible with the schedule when they want to do something other than what the agreement says.

And I'm trying to live in the now and enjoy that. But part of me says, "you know it's not going to last. You know it's only a matter of time before he gets his panties in a wad about something and blows up in your face again."

I hate that part. I need to work on that part. Need to work on not worrying about things that may happen (even if they probably will). Just enjoy that right now, things are working.

Tuffgirl

For some reason, I envisioned you standing in the eye of a hurricane. Enjoy it!

And prayers to you that this time, it lasts.
~T

LaTeeDa

The only thing certain in this life is that things will change. Whether they go from bad to good, good to bad, bad to worse, or good to better, change is inevitable. Here is a thread I started several years ago that seems appropriate to what I want to say to you.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...hall-pass.html

L

NYCDoglvr

Oh yea, "the voices". What I learned is that I am terrible at predicting the future. I stopped projecting by saying a loud "NO" when the thinking returned. I kept reeling my mind back to the present. And also letting go of expectations ............

fourmaggie

OOH gosh...i hate those expectations!!!

wicked

Thank you for posting FourMaggie. I have a program today, and this is how I get the negative voices in my head to quiet down.

Sometimes, I just have to laugh about it. Oh, how I want my children to act a certain way, and when it doesn't happen, then I pout. LOL Ridiculous!
Then I remember I have no control over grown children. I will support life.
It is time to take care of me!
*****! Chocolate time!

Beth

wanttobehealthy

When you figure out how to not worry about what is coming next, bc it seems inevitable that that panties in a bunch phase always returns, please market the advice and I will be your first buyer! Trying to be humuorous about a serious thing! I know precisely how you feel though I am still deeply mired in the AH freaking out being a jerk phase and have figured out pretty much how to ignore it and not be phased by it. I think I am actually far more fearful/anxious about the phase you describe. Functional, working sort of together... Because it's always when in that phase, that I let my guard down and then WHAM.

I guess maybe the fact that you know what could come is good preparation?

lillamy

True, being prepared is a good thing. But not when you let it ruin the NOW, kwim?

It's like... not being able to enjoy a beach vacation in Hawaii because you know that at the end of the vacation you have to go back to a job you hate...

theuncertainty

It's hard: trying to get away from waiting for the other shoe to drop. And it's so hard to drop the expectations. Expecting him to behave like a decent person, not likely to happen. Expecting him to f- up his job situation, or start drinking again, or .... while likely to happen, won't happen on any timeline I could possibly anticipate.

I try to tell myself to just keep doing what I need to do, don't expect anything from him. Like the little fish in Finding Nemo: just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

A friend that I absolutely adore jokes with me: "Nothing'll let you down like Hope."

fourmaggie

gosh...is this what i have to look forward to in TEENAGERS?...lol

m1k3

In the course of working my program I came to realize that any control I had was an illusion, all I had control over was how I reacted to life and my attitudes.

Along the same lines I began to understand the past and the future are illusions also. I can't change the past and I can't control the future.

So, when I feel myself getting caught up in my stinking thinking I take 3 or more deep breaths. Breathing in I think "I am calming my mind and body". Breathing out I smile. If you are into brevity you can just think calm or relax.

Remember you are always living in the moment, it's just your ego trying to take you some place else. It takes a while to train your ego to let go of control but each time you do the breathing to calm down you are taking another step towards being sane and healthy.

Your friend,

Willybluedog

My wife says to me all the time:

"They call it spritual PRACTICE for a reason, becuase you have to keep practicing it at, if it was spiritual perfection then you would be the second coming of the lord wouldn't you"

I know she's right, and I know I need to use my "recovery tools" instead of my "destructive tools".

Hang in there, we are all rooting for you.