Plath

I am powerless over other people's behaviors. I cannot control how they conduct themselves, and I can't resolve their issues for them.

If it is someone close to me, like my husband, I can do my best to help him with areas he needs help with, if he is open to changing (which he usually is). That's all I can do. I can't change even him. But I can support him when he needs and wants to change his own behaviors.

I give up trying to make people like me when they don't.

I have no say in whether they like me or approve of me, and it's just not my concern anymore.
I don't care.
For today, I don't care whether anyone likes or accepts or approves of me.

I like and accept and approve of Me today, and for today, that's all that matters.

Thanks for letting me share.

Plath

I really needed for that affirmation to be heard, or spoken out loud, even if by internet. Thanks for reading.

Willybluedog

Thank you, I will print that on a card to carry around with me, I needed that today.

Kialua

Yes! it is a good thing. Great insight!

Ms.TimmyV

yes, Plath! Say this to yourself at night before you go to sleep. They say that's the best time to do affirmations....something about your subconscious being more open or something like that.

You're right. Nothing you can do will ever change the mind of another person. Sometimes it's not even a point of liking you or not. Sometimes it just never occurs to a person to foster a friendship with you. I'm completely oblivious to people trying to befriend me.Think about the things that YOU like. Think of hobbies that you would like to pursue on your own that have nothing to do with your child or husband.

If your husband wants to change so of his behaviors or accomplish a few goals let him. If he comes to you and asks for help, do it. But I would just help him enough to get him to where he can help himself. For instance, my husband has to write a lot emails for his job. He's not the most confident when it comes to his grammar, so he asks me to review his emails. I did it a few times then I gave him a link to grammar girl's quick and dirty tips and showed him where he goes wrong a lot times in his emails. I gave him all the tools to do it himself. That, I think, is what helping is.

And yes! You can't control others behavior and actions by your behaviors and actions...you always have the option to walk away.

Look, if you can get over an addiction, break ties with an abusive family and still manage to keep it all together this should be a walk in the park. Consider it the last 10 pounds.

Plath

Saying that (and writing it) gave me a tremendous amount of relief today.

I just don't care anymore.

For today, that's where I'm at, and it's what is important to me.

All I can do is conduct myself with the grace and dignity that I know I possess, without the knee-jerk reactions I learned during my childhood.

Those reactions aren't who I am anymore, and they will no longer define who I am or how I conduct myself.

Oh, what a relief.

It's a wretched burden that I no longer wish to have, to carry around so much resentment for other people. They're just people. Doing what people do, and it doesn't affect me anymore at this point.
For today.

Thanks all for the support.

GingerM

To assume one has the power to change the behaviors of others, one must also assume that one has the power of being omniscient and all-powerful. One must assume one has powers similar to God.

I am not God, I am human. Therefore I cannot change the behaviors of others. I can only change my own behaviors, which is far more rewarding than changing others anyway.

This realization marked a major turning point for me. Repeat it all you need Plath, it is a good thing to remember.

m1k3

Plath, very cool. I have been using 'I love me'. Before I started working my recovery I would have thought that to be very narcissistic, now I realize it is simply healthy.

How can you love someone else if you don't love yourself?

And who is more worthy of your love than you?

Your friend,

Keyn

Plath, good on you! We can spend so much time invested in others that we neglect ourselves. I remember every day encountering all the people around me that I tried to wrestle my way of thinking on to. I thought "If you could just understand what I'm saying (or feeling), there's no way you could possibly argue." That's insane. It's manipulative. It drove me up the wall with the amount of energy I spent trying to twist others into the way I think.

It is so liberating when it lets go of you. When you have that epiphany, the need to control how others think just dissolves. Well, for me it did and I wish the same transition for others.

We were always powerless to change others. The difference is between those that still fight tooth and nail against it, and those who have come to some peace by accepting it. You are not responsible for some other person's way of thinking.

Plath

Thanks, everyone.

I think I'm going to actually write the first one down on a piece of drawing paper with some art work on it and pin it somewhere where I can see it (since my printer is out of commission and I can't do nifty stuff like that and print it out). It will give me some art therapy anyway.
And I am not going to worry about what my mother in-law or brother in-law think when they come over and see it pinned up on the wall.

Ginger, your comments always ring a bell for me and make me smile a bit as well. I am not, in fact, God, and therefore I just can't control others. It's just not in the cards for us as humans.
I am not God, or a hypnotist, or a magician. I'm not even an alchemist, so there's no turning lead into gold in my near foreseeable future.

And that goes with what others have said as well. I AM deserving of love, and most importantly love from myself, not just others.

I can, like Keyn said, drive myself mental trying to make the people around me see things the way that I want them to see things, but it just makes me miserable and resentful, and there's no point to that.

Thanks again to all for responding. Today is a better day, and it really is just one day at a time.