DazedAnd

So I got off of everything I do all at once, alcohol, marijuana and cigarettes. I didn't want to feel like a slave for anything. I went 13 days and last night, a girl wanted to shot gun marijuana with me (lock lips while she exhales her smoke into my mouth). I didn't get high from it, it was only once and it really isn't much of anything (though I kind miss the marijuana now, I'll be honest) and in an instant I felt like a failure like I should start the clock at zero or not call myself "straight edge" anymore. What do I do with this guilty. It was getting so hard to get to 2 weeks, I don't want to feel like I started the clock all over again maybe its all in my head and these labels don't matter, but I can't convince my brain that.

surrenderordie

todays a new day! i would ask myself why i was in that situation in the first place recovery is our most valuable asset so we should guard it like our life depends on it strangely it does

WantToHeal

Counting days is not as important as what you do with those days, and what you learn from them. And as the saying goes, you're only a failure if you fail to try, and keep trying. I applaud your honesty. Getting honest with yourself and others is, to my way of thinking, an important step in growth, healing, and recovery.

Keep your head up!

Innerchild

Try not to beat yourself up you are doing well. We are human we slip up from time to time. Today is a new day and be proud of yourself for how far you have come and realize that the way you felt while smoking wasnt the same as it once made you feel. Think about what you have achieved during your sobriety.

DazedAnd

I was hanging out with an enabler. I avoided her long enough that I thought I could deal with it, but I didn't want to abandon her as I don't have many friends. I made it clear I wouldn't do anything and I even thought of every possibility and what I would do, but in that split second decision to basically kiss a cute girl I didn't think with my head. I'll learn from it though

I didn't think of it like that, piling up the numbers has been my number one concern and only way to cope. Thanks for the inspiring words, friend

I can't say I wasn't tempted to smoke, a lot, at that moment. I was offered a "real hit" and was so very close to saying "screw it" but luckily didnt. But it did make me realize how fragile my sobriety is right now. Thank you too for the kind words

Ursula745

I am not the alcoholic or addict; I am a recovering codie. But, I saw your post and just wanted to say that I think the growth from experiences are more important than any numbers. Learn from it and create a plan for next time, then let it go. Don't beat yourself up. Life isn't black and white. You're still doing great!

TheOjibway84

As they say, counting days isn't as important as what you do with those days. I'm 5 months sober from alcohol. But that must be hard to quit all those things at once, but I know as a fact why you're doing that. I had a friend whom smoked very heavily whenever we drank. It was a luxury when drinking for him. WHenever we didn't drink... mostly when I wasn't hanging with him he wouldn't smoke as much but when drinking hardcore he would be smoking hardcore. You want to quit right? Well are you just doing it on your own without help? Do you want help? If not I guess the only thing you can do is try to occupy your mind with other things. DO something other then do your usual habits that make you think about wanting to use again. I use to sit around and do nothing and it reminded me of drinking because I'd be here in this basement downing 26ers of vodka every Friday night. So now... well seeing I'm dating someone now it's different... before her I should mention. I got out and did new things. If I havent the cash to do something I'd go to volunteer work. Help the homeless with food and such. I tired new things but don't get me wrong though. I wanted help too so I'm in AA, maybe you can try AA and NA. Worth a try and if it's not for you try my suggestions. It's a good start your here at this site, shows you really want recovery. But it's going to take time and work, you can't just expect recovery in your lap right away. I've relapsed so many times up to 5 months ago and never had a craving since. I do things that I never have done before. Service work in AA, I look after Literature and buy books and materials we need and get reimbursed for purchasing them with my own money, I've started chairing AA meetings again and I'll be chairing my first interchange group meeting which I never done before because I kept drinking on and off for 5 months on my own. All these things take time though. I didn't get to chair until I was 3 months sober. Now I'm 5 months and in February I'll be doing that interchange and a week after that I'll be 6 months sober. But i'm getting ahead of myself. im focused on today only.I live one day at a time, just see my following signature. I hope you get things figured out! Remember! We're all here for you! We can help as well and the chatroom helped me in so many ways too, to be able to speak to people in real time helped when I had no one to talk to in the middle of the night when I worked the night shift and was still drinking. Good luck

Dee74

Well I can tell you what I think - 5 years on, my sober date still means something to me because that's the day everything changed and I left an old life behind.

Whatever you decide on the day thing, though, I'd definitely think about the situations I put myself in DA.

I had to be super vigilant for a while - recovery was important to me

D