Loosing 2 Important People To Addiction In Less Than 2 Weeks
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Atlanta,GA
Posts: 38
Loosing 2 Important People To Addiction In Less Than 2 Weeks
It's been a really hard week. I've come to many realizations and I can't stop thinking about my relationships and friendships.
In less than 2 weeks, I'd lost two important people to addiction. I ended my 5 year relationship because I realized that I could no longer deal with my bf's addict behavior. Relapsing, lying, him lying about relapsing when I confronted him, etc. The usual. It seems like the next day I noticed my friend/neighbors apartment had a stench and I hadn't seen him in days. His excessive drinking and smoking was the main contributor to his heart attack.
All of my friends know about my losses. Not one has asked me if I'm ok or reached out to me. Even after telling my best friend about how I've lost these people, she's more concerned about her relationship and hasn't talked to me since. It baffles me that my addict ex-bf came by to make sure I was ok and if I needed anything. The person I thought was my best friend hasn't even asked me if I'm ok.
Although my mother has always been there for me, she's lucky enough to be able to get away. I've been needing to get away to another place for a long time and I resent her for not noticing how much I need that. I haven't had a break to clear my head or breath. She's goes to different places like its nothing.
I haven't talked to my ex since he'd dropped by my place. After my neighbors death I knew talking to him would make me more sad. I can't handle saying goodbye to him like I had to with my friend/neighbor.
A lot of the time lately, I feel ignored. Like the child that was always picked last for teams in elementary school, haha. I've never been the 'poor pitiful me' person and I don't intend to be. It would just be nice for my friends to see if I'm ok and actually be my friends. It would be nice for my mom to notice how much I'm suffering and to notice how I need a break. I just want them to really listen to me.
Is it true that the only person you can really count on is yourself? Am I wrong for feeling ignored and wanting to get away for the reasons stated?
I'm stuck and I need help moving through this easier.
In less than 2 weeks, I'd lost two important people to addiction. I ended my 5 year relationship because I realized that I could no longer deal with my bf's addict behavior. Relapsing, lying, him lying about relapsing when I confronted him, etc. The usual. It seems like the next day I noticed my friend/neighbors apartment had a stench and I hadn't seen him in days. His excessive drinking and smoking was the main contributor to his heart attack.
All of my friends know about my losses. Not one has asked me if I'm ok or reached out to me. Even after telling my best friend about how I've lost these people, she's more concerned about her relationship and hasn't talked to me since. It baffles me that my addict ex-bf came by to make sure I was ok and if I needed anything. The person I thought was my best friend hasn't even asked me if I'm ok.
Although my mother has always been there for me, she's lucky enough to be able to get away. I've been needing to get away to another place for a long time and I resent her for not noticing how much I need that. I haven't had a break to clear my head or breath. She's goes to different places like its nothing.
I haven't talked to my ex since he'd dropped by my place. After my neighbors death I knew talking to him would make me more sad. I can't handle saying goodbye to him like I had to with my friend/neighbor.
A lot of the time lately, I feel ignored. Like the child that was always picked last for teams in elementary school, haha. I've never been the 'poor pitiful me' person and I don't intend to be. It would just be nice for my friends to see if I'm ok and actually be my friends. It would be nice for my mom to notice how much I'm suffering and to notice how I need a break. I just want them to really listen to me.
Is it true that the only person you can really count on is yourself? Am I wrong for feeling ignored and wanting to get away for the reasons stated?
I'm stuck and I need help moving through this easier.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 181
Is your best friend an addict too? That would explain the egocentrism. So sorry you feel alone. You are never really alone. Sometimes we have to let people know we need their attention. Everyone is just trying to deal with life. Some people just don't know how to comfort people or feel uncomfortable with raw emotion. How awful to have found your neighbor like that. I will say a prayer for you...hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
I don't always pick people with addictions in my life, but for a time I was really picking people that were "needy" to have in my life. For me this allowed me to get my fix of crazy codependent issues to deal with that were all about me.
I have had to look at why I choose relationships and many have changed significantly as part of recovery....for the better. A lot of my relationships from my high school days etc have remained the same. This was challenging for me because there was so much upheaval going on at the same time in my relationship with my exAH etc. My heart goes out to you at this difficult time.
I have had to look at why I choose relationships and many have changed significantly as part of recovery....for the better. A lot of my relationships from my high school days etc have remained the same. This was challenging for me because there was so much upheaval going on at the same time in my relationship with my exAH etc. My heart goes out to you at this difficult time.
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
I am sorry you are feeling alone. Is it possible that you are keeping a calm and strong exterior and people don't realise how much you were affected by the deaths?
The best piece of advice I ever got from a counselor was that I should ask for what I need and not expect other people to guess what is going on with me. It was hard initially, but it really does work. Maybe you need to tell the people around you how badly you are affected and that you could do with support?
I hope you feel better soon and that you will get the support you need from the people around you.
The best piece of advice I ever got from a counselor was that I should ask for what I need and not expect other people to guess what is going on with me. It was hard initially, but it really does work. Maybe you need to tell the people around you how badly you are affected and that you could do with support?
I hope you feel better soon and that you will get the support you need from the people around you.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
People who don't understand addiction will never understand the pain we feel. They see it through different eyes, and often no longer see that the addicted person is somebody's son, brother, girlfriend, sister...we never lose sight of that.
One place where I found people truly did understand and could help me through my grief was at meetings. CoDA was my home fellowship, but Al-anon and Nar-anon are similar fellowships of support and healing.
I am truly sorry for your pain, I know how awful it is when we lose someone we care about to addiction and to death.
Hugs
One place where I found people truly did understand and could help me through my grief was at meetings. CoDA was my home fellowship, but Al-anon and Nar-anon are similar fellowships of support and healing.
I am truly sorry for your pain, I know how awful it is when we lose someone we care about to addiction and to death.
Hugs
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
