story74

On monday's visitation I had to deal with the other woman.

My x husband addict told me that supervised visits are ridiculous and that he can never build a relationship with his son like this. Meanwhile, he has seen his son now 6 times in 9 months, and has done nothing to build trust. I have set boundries on the visits, such as, he has to call/text before 12on visitation days to confirm visit. This boundry was set because he was a no call no show and canceling visits. I set these boundries, and he seems to think he doesn't have to follow them. I'm being controlling and this is why he divorced me. He usually texts me @ 11:55 am...if and when he does on the day of visitation. Anyways, he is just very difficult, but for some reason it always becomes my fault.

This Monday his ***** took his phone away from him bc I thought she had called me and told him she is to not contact me. The phone is in her name. Then she started texting me and blaming me for everything. Of course, I didn't respond. I blocked yet another number. When I saw my x at the park that day I calmly asked him for contact info, and he refused to answer me. I told him that she had texted me, and he responded it was my fault. Then, my son isn't too keen on him and doesn't want to be held, hold hand or hug...and again he kept saying snarky comments under his breath that this was my fault. When I finally lost it and told him I wouldn't take it anymore he was like "what? I haven't done anything" My poor son was confused. I stopped. Explained to my son that mommy lost her temper, apologized to my son and my x and said let's start over. My x then began to cry, just sat there and left an hour early abruptly without even saying goodbye and wouldn't give me an explanation. The next day I felt horrible about myself for not only responding to his text, but loosing my temper. I started to feel like it was all my fault.
I let him get to me. I have to be the bigger person and just let it go.

After this circus, my mom has agreed to supervise visits. He was suppose to see my son this Friday, but never contacted me. I sent a professional email (for documentation) stating he didn't make the visit and I have no idea how to contact him, but he knows my number. Again, I have to let him know he missed a visit? But, I felt like I had to send it for documentation because I am documenting everything. Its exhausting.

It just upsets me. I have done pretty well with no contact. But on Monday when he asked for unsupervised visits, I responded. I should have never responded.

I'm so tired of feeling bad about myself. Like I am the one who is crazy and being unfair. I am trying so hard to be fair. I hear what they say and question myself. They both say they are clean, but who behaves like this? Its like he wants to do whatever he wants and just wanys me to sit there with my hands folded. He is so angry and unreasonable. He seems more angry now then before. Are there stages of addiction? Emotions they go through? This summer he was confident and had no regrets. Now, he told me he is hurting, I never helped him when he needed it, my son will resent me and I am the one who asked for a divorce. Its like what? He could careless this summer when we were starving. I had to hunt him down just to talk to him. Looking back, I should have just changed my number then. My friend is getting a divorce and her and her husband are rational and do everything for the child. There is pain there, but they are acting like adults. My x won't even talk to me alone.

He has shown me no respect in years. Nothing he does is for our son. I shouldn't have to be upset all week...every week. This is a new year. I'm tired of being depressed. I just want some happiness. I just want left alone.

I have to continue to just not respond to anything he says.
I have to set up a 3rd party for visitations.
I have to stop worrying about what he says or thinks.
My aunt said, "They both aren't right." Then she said, "its hard to be ghandi" but I have got to start trying!

I wouldn't wish dealing with an addict on my worst enemy!

outtolunch

He's your ex. You have sole custody. He gets 2 hours a week of supervised visitation. Why put yourself or mom through any more of this nonscence? You are documenting which is necessary. Stick to the facts and not how it makes you feel.

Your son is learning how to let the world treat him. Putting a child through this drama is not doing the child any good. Arrange to have the court supervise the visits and let him pay for it. Either he'll shape up or not. His choice. His consequence.

You should not have to be upset like this all week, every week. Give yourself a chance. His opinions do not define you. Allowing this guy to make you feel bad is a choice, your choice.

EnglishGarden

He does sound awfully vicious and bitterly hateful, story. This may be more than addiction. A book often mentioned here is "Why Does He Do That?" which describes the methods and motives of abusive men. He certainly fits the profiles in there. You might see if the library has a copy. It also gives advice about how to protect oneself when having to deal with this kind of man.

He seems to get a rush from hurting you.

I'm sorry there is such pain for you right now, but you are in recovery and you are bettering your life and it will pay off for you. It will. Stay on track and cloak yourself with support.

Bless your little child. Your child will be all right if you are. So you double your efforts to be all right.

Don't be alone. Always stay connected to recovering people because his disease is very powerful and he enjoys hurting you.

I hope your weekend gives you a much needed respite. You so need and deserve it.

Ann

I agree, your relationship with your ex is toxic and a terrible environment for your child.

Talk to your lawyer, know your rights and then change where and when visitation is to be held and perhaps ask about canceling altogether if your ex cannot be consistant with showing up to visit.

How hard this must be for you.

Hugs