ownedbypugs

My AS is in jail, and has a bail review on Monday. In October, he was arrested, went to jail for a week, got out, and came to live with me. He had his own apartment prior to that, but, lost it. He also has a German Shepherd that came to live with us. He went into a 28 day rehab in November, and when he got out, he turned himself in on a warrant for violation of probation. He has been in jail ever since then, which was December 16th.

I had an appointment tonight to go for orientation at a gym I just joined, and have my first session with a personal trainer. I have three small dogs, and when I leave the house I put my son's dog into his bedroom, leave a light on, and close the door. She usually lays on the bed, or in her crate. She has tangled with one of my pugs once, and I don't feel comfortable leaving her out with them. My dogs have the run of the house.

Well, tonight as I was leaving and I went to put her in the bedroom, I noticed paint chips on the carpet. I walked in and looked behind the door, and she is gouging my door, and part of the door frame from scratching. I put her in the crate because I wasn't going to be gone long, but, I was beyond pissed. I don't blame her, but, it all just hit me how f'ing unfair it is that my son makes the bad choices, and everyone else gets stuck picking up the pieces. I don't want another dog, and I am getting so resentful about it. I feel so bad for her, and I try to be very nurturing with her, because none of this is her fault, but, it is taking a toll on me.

When I got to the gym, my trainer was about 20 mins. late for our appointment, and seriously, I could have started crying. She eventually came out, and she's really, really nice and everything went well, but, when I got home and started telling my husband everything, I just lost it. I am so sick of dealing with this crap. I called my son's girlfriend and told her if she talks to him tomorrow before I do, that he needs to find another solution for his dog. I've had her 3 mos., now he can figure it out.

I want to go to a Naranon meeting tomorrow night, but, at this moment, it actually seems stressful just thinking about having to go somewhere tomorrow after working all day. I just want to chill, but, I know I should go.

Sorry this is so long, but, thanks for letting me share.

Ilovemysonjj

Pugs, sometimes yelling and screaming is necessary to maintain sanity. I am happy you have a trainer, I love my weekly workouts. My trainer is kind of like my psychiatrist , i can tell her anything. we work on my body and my mind. when I leave the gym, I feel so much better. I hope you find that release and the endorphins kick in when you can work up a good sweat.
Hugs coming from another Momma with an AS.
Blessings and peace for you.
Teresa

laurie6781

I am sorry you are going through this. I have more empathy right now for the dog than I do your son.

You might want to contact these folks, tell them what is going on, and see if there is a 'foster home' available for the dog. These 'foster homes' are

are very familiar with and used to the breed

have experience dealing with this type of stress in the GSD

Mid-Atlantic German Shepherd Rescue

Hopefully you can get to that meeting tomorrow night.

Love and hugs,

ownedbypugs

Laurie - I know them well. We actually adopted a German Shepherd from them and when she was about 1and a half and she is about 8 now. She is so good with my pugs. (We have four dogs total, but, my GS gets along well with my son's dog). I actually volunteer for a pug rescue and have taken fosters a few times (my dog Buddy was a foster I adopted), and while I have his dog, I can't even foster a dog for a short time. That is another aspect of the whole thing that is bothering me. Now, it's preventing me from doing something I love to do.

I told his gf, that if she talks to him before I do, to give him the heads up to start figuring out what he wants to do with the dog (her name is Morgan, after Captain Morgan, naturally). I have kept her because I felt bad for her, and because I know if anything is important to him it is his dog, but, I'm done.

When she first got here and he was in rehab, his gf would come over to see her and walk her, but, she never comes over anymore, and she hangs out with my son's best friend EVERY DAY. That is a whole other story, that really doesn't even concern me. I just feel like I have had enough. I can't give his dog away without talking to him, but, he needs to figure this out right now.

Heartbroken0608

I'm so sorry! I hope you have a better day today and that you find the energy to get to your meeting tonight. I know many times the last thing I want to do is go out after a long day of work but afterwards I find it was worth it

((hugs))

catlovermi

In the interim, could you try putting your GSD in with his, in the room, for the day? If they get along, it might be just the thing your son's GSD needs, to stop trying to get out. She knows she's isolated and there are other dogs "out there," and dogs are social animals, so it's not surprising she's trying to get away from her isolation and to where there is other action going on.


Just a thought...

Sorry for your stress, taking on the effects of your AS's addiction consequences.


CLMI

laurie6781

I have sent you a PM. lol

Love and hugs,

TiredandSpent

I share your dilemma, Pugs. My AS left his mixed poodle terrier. She's about 2 years old if that, and she was never trained. She's a sweet thing, but has no shots, never been fixed, pulls my couch cushions off the couch and bites holes in them and pulls out the stuffing. She tears up everything and can't be left in the yard because she's an escape artist. She also poops and pees every where. Since AS was home all day and the rest of us home all night her destructiveness was curbed, but since we all work, she's home alone a lot and she's getting out of hand.

I have to figure out what to do with her because AS never will. The problem is I love her, and so do the other two kids (but they'll be gone in two years and I'll still have this dog). What's worse is I have an older dog, six years old, who is blind and has kidney failure. I really don't have the money to put into these dogs. I'm annoyed because I made the commitment to the one dog, but not to AS's dog, and yet I'm stuck. I don't want her, but I can't let anything bad happen to her. She doesn't seem to be easily trainable.

It's just one more thing on the 'it's not fair' list.

ownedbypugs

I feel bad because it's not Morgan's fault, but, on the other hand it is not my fault. When my son called me on Friday night from jail, I kind of had a mini meltdown and told him he needed to figure something out with her. He called me yesterday and apologized for everything, and said if I wanted to surrender her to the rescue I could. There is no way in hell that I am going to be the one who "got rid of her". Hopefully he will make bail on Monday, and if he does, I told him he could figure it out then.

This has been an especially hard week, because I don't usually work 8 hours every day. I usually work between 6 and 7 hrs. and am home pretty early, so the dogs aren't alone too, too long. I work 10 mins. from home. My husband works shift work and sometimes he is home during the day, and only works 4 days a week. So we are really lucky in that sense. Lately I have been trying to work 8 hrs. a day and my husband was on 4 12 hr. shifts. I have a doggie day care that I use occasionally, but, Morgan is not fixed so that is not an option.

I have had a very generous offer from someone to take her, and I think it would be an awesome home for her, but, I don't want to be the one to make that decision. I want my son to do the right thing for her.

We have only been dealing with this situation with my son since October. That's when we found out about the heroin. I now am finding myself just being so mad at him, when at first I was just depressed.

Freedom1990

I understand your feelings on this, I honestly do.

I took in my AD's first dog several times over the years, usually when she could not care for her, and/or was transient.

The last time she brought her to me, Raven was 12 years old, thin, flea-ridden, and in advanced congestive heart failure.

I put my foot down and said that was it. Raven would stay with me permanently. There would be no more uprooting this poor geriatric dog who deserved to be healthy, happy, and in a stable environment.

With medications, Raven amazed all of us by living to the ripe old age of 16 1/2, and she was a joyful addition to my family.

My AD was never going to do the "right thing" for Raven, and so I did. I have zero regrets.

TiredandSpent

I think in your shoes, I'd take the generous offer for Morgan with the caveat, "When AS comes out of jail, he might want her back." The chances of that are itsy bitsy to non existent, so Morgan would probably stay with her new owners which would make everyone happy.

laurie6781

Then tell your son of the offer. Let it be his decision.

This is more about Morgan now than your son. He knows, somewhere in his heart that his has not been and cannot be for sometime to come, a good caretaker of a four legged fur kid.

You will have done your 'duty'. You are doing for this beautiful dog what he cannot.

Love and hugs,

ownedbypugs

He will be out on bail tomorrow, and going to a halfway house for at least three months. We talked a little about it today on the phone, but, I need to talk to him in person, when he is not in a position that he really cannot talk, like he is now in jail. I need him to see that the best thing for Morgan would be to be with someone who can take good care of her.

I love dogs, but, I have four of my own and just don't want another dog. I feel guilty for even saying that, because I love my furbabies. It seems like anymore, I feel guilt over everything.