ybnormal

Jan 1, 2012 2:30 a.m. I awoke to my TV on at high volume. I was sitting on my kitchen bar stool, slouched on the kitchen island. In front of me is my laptop, which went into sleep mode. I got myself together, put the tv volume down. Swiped my finger on the laptop mouse pad and the screen came to life. A Skype session was opened which had been discontinued. I thought, WTF happened here. Then it dawned on me. The last thing I can recall is that I was on Skype talking to my wife and three year old daughter, about 30 minutes before the countdown to the new year. I remember seeing 11:34 pm and all the hype on TV. But nothing after that. I did not make the countdown. I must have passed out just before. I rushed for my phone. I see missed calls and a text message: "you a**hole".

I had already decided that I would quit drinking as of Jan 1 2012. The plan was to not drink on new years eve and Skype with my family. But I thought, hey, I could have a few last drinks on new years eve and its not a big deal. I was home alone. A few drinks turned into 10! I missed the countdown and my wife and daughter witnessed me acting like a drowsy incohorent idiot who later passed out, most likely in front of them.

Anyway, I had decided that I would not drink anymore. I went to the cupboard and notcid that there was about 2 drinks of vodka left (my booze of choice). I looked at the time again. I thought, hmmm, let me finish this and then start my sobriety. Then I said, wait, its Jan 1 technically. Then I looked backed as the bottle. Then I finally decided, in anger, F*** this! I took the bottle, emptied it in the sink, opened the patio door and threw it, smashed it on the brick wall at the back of my house.

Jan 1, 2012, 2:30 a.m. is when I decided to quit once and for all. I have not touched a drink since then.

Good luck to you all and God bless.

Fubarcdn

to SR
I quit on the same day as you.
There is a lot of good support here.
Good luck

Fubarcdn

Duplicate entry.
Computers- Can't live with them-Can't live without them.

Hevyn

ybnormal - welcome to SR! What an excellent post. You sound motivated and determined to make that the last embarrassing drunken event of your life. We're here to help. Please let us know how you're doing.

ybnormal

It's good to have this support network. Trying alone was difficult and I did not want to get my loved ones involved. Why? Because they had no idea. I pulled it off really good. I like the fact that every day of this month on the calender accurately reflects the number of days sober!

doggonecarl

Hey, yb, if I could ask, your loved ones had no idea of what?

ybnormal

Hey dogonecarl - the secret is that I won 10 million dollars. What do you think? - my drinking! Just having fun, don't take it as an insult, ok?

They did not and do not know that I drink. I drank outside then came home and got "really tired and needed to sleep". this went on for 3 years. I would get up at like 4am since i was would fall asleep at like 9pm. Then one day my wife could not take it and left....not knowing all the while that it was cuz of alcohol She thought I had problems - ED to be on of them. But really it was lazy ol me drunk and not wanting to do anything but sleep.

eJoshua

Welcome to SR!

I hope you find that you are able to sustain your resolve to quit drinking. For many of us the fervor that originally caused us to quit can wax and wane as life goes by and we have to learn how to make good decisions to keep ourselves sober.

I hope you stick around and share more of your story. SR has been instrumental in my sobriety, and I'm sure that if you keep posting and reading you'll find the same support I did.

Best wishes

doggonecarl

You passed out in front of your computer, drunk, on New Years Eve, and they don't know you drink. Okay. I'll take you at your word.

The good thing is you know you need to quit. Good Luck.

ybnormal

doggonecarl - i know it sounds strange - but I was going to create another thread in the near future - why my wife left me. We are currently separated. No one knows I drink thid much. On new years eve I told her her that I had 3 neo citrans and was about to pass out. You may think that sounds odd - but for someone who does not know you drink - that sounds very reasonable. Like I said, one day I will go into detail my secret daily drinking sessions which fooled everyone- family, friends, and work.

Dee74

Welcome to SR ybnormal
I fooled a lot of people for a long time too - then I didn't....

it's good to quit at the earliest point on that trajectory - glad you're here.

D

Gerbosko

We are masters at hiding our drinking problems from others. I did it quite well for several years.

Glad you're sober now.

ybnormal

So.....I cant respond to private messages till 5 posts???? so here is my 5th post.

Creekryder

ybnormal, I thought I was fooling a lot of people many times, but know I wasn't really.
BTW, my "new" sober date is also The 1st of this month, not a new year's resolution, a life resolution that just happened to occur on New Year's Day. I'll join you and Fubarcdn and share the celebration of sobriety.

Pádraic

Mammyof3boys

Welcome ybnormal. I am new too, finishing my 11th day sober. I was also the master of disguise with my daily drinking, (even in a tea cup in the late morning surrounded by family and friends). What a messed up life I thought I was living. I am realizing more and more each day that I wasn't living, I was hiding. Besides hiding alcohol all around my house, I was not participating in my home, heading up to bed at 6pm so I could drink alone in my room and not have to deal with looks of concern/judgement from my husband. He wasn't even looking at me, I was just so paranoid he'd catch on. My kids would play there in front of him, while I was upstairs binge drinking. Then I would pop some advil so as not to get a headache in the morning after my wine and beer binge. It was just wine for a long time, but then I had tried to control my drinking so I drank beer. But then I wasn't getting drunk, so I mixed. Obviously I have no control (I am learning on the site that most alcoholics don't). I usually got the headache, the depression and the guilt too.
I have already found alot of support on this website. I hope you do too...
-Mammy

Mammyof3boys

Creekryder - I love your quote about water. So true.

sugarbear1

listen to aa speakers online. try going to some aa meetings.

kiki5711

I think your wife knew more than you think about your boozing. I also thought I was a good hider of my stash/bottles/cans even when it was so clearly obvious to everyone but me.

Zebra1275

I think your wife knew more than you think about your boozing

My thoughts exactly.

I think the person you really fooled is the one in the mirror.

ybnormal

No. I bought a small bottle a day and drank it outside right after work. every day. there was no evidence at home. nothing stashed anywhere. my wife had no clue - trust me. she does not drink, period. never tried it. so she does not know much about the experience. and i only drank daily a specific amount at specific times (like 5 to 7pm weekdays and early morning on weekends when everyone was asleep). I could function at most times, just slept early every day. I am (or was) what is called a functioning alcoholic. Maybe the amount of alcohol consumed daily was not so bad, but it became a habit which I could not break, and it affected my marriage. Thats why I knew I had to stop.