I'm Back as a Newcomer
One Foot in Front of the Other
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 582
I'm Back as a Newcomer
Well, after a long struggle (10 years or more) with alcohol abuse, punctuated by a couple of really good runs of sobriety, or at least being dry, I crashed and burned spectacularly on New Year's Eve, almost torpedoing my marriage in the process. It still hurts to go into a lot of detail. There was no violence involved, but I acted horribly from a place of extreme hurt, anger, frustation, and also intoxication.
I guess the lesson here is the old adage, "if nothing changes, then nothing changes". During my most recent run of abstinence, almost 100 days, I had made a few positive changes but did little to truly start to heal, to address the underlying reasons WHY I want to self-medicate with alcohol. I have also failed to truly work some program of recovery, with assistance, in an effort to make a better and more peaceful life for myself.
Where I go from here I don't exactly know, but I'm trying to figure it out, write it down, and share it with my wife and others a little at a time. I attended an AA meeting early New Year's Day, and so GRATEFUL there were people there who were willing to listen to me and share with me. Longer-term, though, I'm not sure if it's the right option for me. I know it works well for many people. And many elements of it appeal to me, particularly the taking stock and accountability elements. At the same time, I struggle with the higher power and powerlessness elements from a philosophical standpoint.
Yet I know that, one way or the other, I need to quit. No remorse for doing so, and no excuses. I'm currently reading "Sober for Life" to try and get a better sense of my options for truly healing. I'm about 1/4 of the way through the book so far, and the common themes I've noticed among all of these inspirational people who have quit for good through a variety of methods seems to be that they:
Accordingly, I'll be back on a regular basis and cruising the newcomers and secular connections forums. I thank you not only for listening, but thank you in advance for your support.
I guess the lesson here is the old adage, "if nothing changes, then nothing changes". During my most recent run of abstinence, almost 100 days, I had made a few positive changes but did little to truly start to heal, to address the underlying reasons WHY I want to self-medicate with alcohol. I have also failed to truly work some program of recovery, with assistance, in an effort to make a better and more peaceful life for myself.
Where I go from here I don't exactly know, but I'm trying to figure it out, write it down, and share it with my wife and others a little at a time. I attended an AA meeting early New Year's Day, and so GRATEFUL there were people there who were willing to listen to me and share with me. Longer-term, though, I'm not sure if it's the right option for me. I know it works well for many people. And many elements of it appeal to me, particularly the taking stock and accountability elements. At the same time, I struggle with the higher power and powerlessness elements from a philosophical standpoint.
Yet I know that, one way or the other, I need to quit. No remorse for doing so, and no excuses. I'm currently reading "Sober for Life" to try and get a better sense of my options for truly healing. I'm about 1/4 of the way through the book so far, and the common themes I've noticed among all of these inspirational people who have quit for good through a variety of methods seems to be that they:
- Need to assess whether their relationship with alcohol is truly a problem (I have, and it is)
- Can see clear turning points in their lives or reasons to quit (I have and am able to articulate them); and
- Can also see what they have to live for, also reasons to quit
Accordingly, I'll be back on a regular basis and cruising the newcomers and secular connections forums. I thank you not only for listening, but thank you in advance for your support.
One Foot in Front of the Other
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 582
Thanks to all for the support and encouragement!
@Munchkin, "Sober for Life" is under $10 for the Kindle version, which can be viewed not only on the device but from any computer. And you get it instantly. It's a fantastic value!
@Munchkin, "Sober for Life" is under $10 for the Kindle version, which can be viewed not only on the device but from any computer. And you get it instantly. It's a fantastic value!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
Best to wait on doing the AA stuff until you have no other choice.
In the meantime, there are so many different approaches to try it may take you many more years to get through them all.
And AA will be there whenever.
In the meantime, there are so many different approaches to try it may take you many more years to get through them all.
And AA will be there whenever.
dopeless hope fiend
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Here. Now.
Posts: 1,021
i'm a buddhist/atheist who used to have a very real disdain for western religion and it's apparent connotations in AA, but i tried it anyway because i wanted the freedom and general happiness most of those people displayed in meetings.
l found out that the higher power business is entirely up to me, people generally don't care or want to know what my thoughts are on higher power, and most importantly the introspection, self-analysis, and psychic shift that you speak of, i found by working the 12 steps.
that's my experience. i hope you find something that works for you.
l found out that the higher power business is entirely up to me, people generally don't care or want to know what my thoughts are on higher power, and most importantly the introspection, self-analysis, and psychic shift that you speak of, i found by working the 12 steps.
that's my experience. i hope you find something that works for you.
One Foot in Front of the Other
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 582
To those AA members who have responded, I truly appreciate your input. If I want to make the best decision possible to maintain sobriety, then it is imperative that I really consider all options, including AA. I haven't shut the door on that by any stretch, just contemplating. Thanks!
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
WB!
I had to use everything. In hosp detox, docs, rehab, AA, and here 24/7. I am so far from religious without being an atheist that Higher power is perfect. After my first three months sober, and I started to realize I was actually going to make it, other than regular checkups, I pretty much maintain here on SR, even though I claim to be recovered. I am still just one drink away from crashing and burning like you did. Maybe the difference is that I don't want any. Even if I could drink normally, I already drank enough for three lifetimes. I never want to go back to that dark place that I was trapped in by my own hand.
I will look for your posts.
I had to use everything. In hosp detox, docs, rehab, AA, and here 24/7. I am so far from religious without being an atheist that Higher power is perfect. After my first three months sober, and I started to realize I was actually going to make it, other than regular checkups, I pretty much maintain here on SR, even though I claim to be recovered. I am still just one drink away from crashing and burning like you did. Maybe the difference is that I don't want any. Even if I could drink normally, I already drank enough for three lifetimes. I never want to go back to that dark place that I was trapped in by my own hand.
I will look for your posts.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by aeo1313 
I just joined today. Was not aware there was a secular connections forum- I might see you over there. I am Jewish and have trouble with some of the AA stuff.
Neither of us has had an issue with spirituality as it's presented in the Big Book.He didn't like it, however, if anyone at a table referred to Jesus.....so I had him take that resentment (and several others) to a 4-column inventory. Now, I don't think he cares if it's Jesus, Allah, Mohommad, Buddha, or Universal Power that's being discussed by a member at a table....he's free of that resentment.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
WTH, JACS has been around a fair while and might be a good source of information for you, and they do have an email discussion group and organize some activities...
JBFCS > JACS
JBFCS > JACS
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