I am an alcoholic who had bariatric surgery
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 3
I am an alcoholic who had bariatric surgery
Well, I never thought I'd be someplace like this (an alcoholic), but here I am. I have been in denial for about 10 years now. Despite many embarrassing moments an countless lost friends, I never wanted to admit that I had a problem. With the aid of my alcoholic dependence I managed to gain 100 pounds in one decade and succeeded to thouroughly worry my poor wife over my health and behavior the whole way. Before I came to admit I was an alcoholic I managed to qualify for and have the gastric sleeve surgery with the full intent of not drinking anylonger and begin a new more healthy lifestyle. However despite my intentions I have not been able to stop my addiction. As many know, drinking and bariatric surgery do not mix and can be very dangerous to ones liver. Knowing what what damage can result from this and the fact that I still continue to drink has lead me to the conclusion that I am without doubt an alcoholic. The question is now where to go from here? If the fact that potential liver failure has yet to keep me sober I have a difficult time believing that I am even capable of sobriety! My wife is about ready to call it quits if I do not change and I love her dearly. If I were to lose my family I think my problems with alcohol would spin out of this world control! I have lost 60 pounds in two months from that surgery and I have a lot of good things going for me but the lure of alcohol is almost to much for me to bear on my own. I pray to god for deliverence and then head right back to the liqour store almost as if I'm in a panic for fear I will never get to drink again! It's a viscious cycle and I feel that I have lost control! Where in the heck do I go from here? I feel so helpless like a ticking timebomb and one day I will have my last drink followed closely by my last breath. It's very sad and I need help.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
I presume the surgeons did not know about your alcoholism? Most bariatric centers require a thorough psych evaluation prior to surgery -- can you go back and talk to those people?
You have already discovered that placing obstacles to drinking in your way does not work. All the threats and begging and screaming and cajoling do not work. Even knowing you are risking your health does not work.
The ONLY thing that DOES work is a decision on your part that you are a non-drinker. All the planning AROUND quitting drinking is of no value. What IS of value is that simple little decision.
My guess is that you thought the surgery was going to help you gain a feeling of control and that everything else was going to fall into place. Another obstacle. Another plan. But, after all that, you are left with yourself and why you became an alcoholic to begin with.
My suggestion to you is to quit labeling yourself like you just did above: 1) in denial, 2) out of control, and probably more things you did not voice in the post (weak? powerless? bad? what?)
All labels do is create a self image of someone who does not deserve anything better than what you have ended up with right now. Quit doing that now. If you are, maybe I'm wrong about that, but I think I am on the money with you.
In order to succeed at being a non-drinker, you must self identify as a non-drinker. After you do that, all decisions about alcohol become non-issues. You don't buy alcohol for other people, you don't keep it in your house. You don't plan for some future time when you can be a "normal drinker."
I think you should get with a counselor about your self esteem and control issues. As long as you consider yourself powerless or out of control, you will not take control and empower yourself to do this.
Check out the AVRT thread on the secular connections forum for some more thoughts about self determination and recovery. Do the 12 step AA route if that works for you.
Good luck.
You have already discovered that placing obstacles to drinking in your way does not work. All the threats and begging and screaming and cajoling do not work. Even knowing you are risking your health does not work.
The ONLY thing that DOES work is a decision on your part that you are a non-drinker. All the planning AROUND quitting drinking is of no value. What IS of value is that simple little decision.
My guess is that you thought the surgery was going to help you gain a feeling of control and that everything else was going to fall into place. Another obstacle. Another plan. But, after all that, you are left with yourself and why you became an alcoholic to begin with.
My suggestion to you is to quit labeling yourself like you just did above: 1) in denial, 2) out of control, and probably more things you did not voice in the post (weak? powerless? bad? what?)
All labels do is create a self image of someone who does not deserve anything better than what you have ended up with right now. Quit doing that now. If you are, maybe I'm wrong about that, but I think I am on the money with you.
In order to succeed at being a non-drinker, you must self identify as a non-drinker. After you do that, all decisions about alcohol become non-issues. You don't buy alcohol for other people, you don't keep it in your house. You don't plan for some future time when you can be a "normal drinker."
I think you should get with a counselor about your self esteem and control issues. As long as you consider yourself powerless or out of control, you will not take control and empower yourself to do this.
Check out the AVRT thread on the secular connections forum for some more thoughts about self determination and recovery. Do the 12 step AA route if that works for you.
Good luck.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi Restlessone
coming here is a good start. There's a lot of support advice and encouragement here.
SR really helped me turn my life around
If you think face to face support is what you require as well, some of the main recovery players are here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I hope you may find some leads there or in FT's suggestions above
good to have you with us
D
coming here is a good start. There's a lot of support advice and encouragement here.
SR really helped me turn my life around
If you think face to face support is what you require as well, some of the main recovery players are here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I hope you may find some leads there or in FT's suggestions above
good to have you with us
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
He Restlessone,
Everything I say is out of true caring and concern for another human being. You are special, you are loved, and you deserve to feel good about yourself. Congratulations on the weight loss! That is great, and a good start to the healthier body you will have, especially when you quit putting alcohol in it and concentrate on nutrition!
Much love and hope for the New Year for you,
FT
Everything I say is out of true caring and concern for another human being. You are special, you are loved, and you deserve to feel good about yourself. Congratulations on the weight loss! That is great, and a good start to the healthier body you will have, especially when you quit putting alcohol in it and concentrate on nutrition!
Much love and hope for the New Year for you,
FT
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Albany NY
Posts: 1,212
Welcome to SR, restlessone. I'm glad you came here.
I can certainly identify with what you have written above. I recall the feeling of desperation and the horror of heading toward what I rightfully perceived as the equivalent of a freight train bearing down on me as I stared at it with my eyes wide open.
I WAS powerless over alcohol, but my definition of powerless has changed. I am powerless to stop after the first drink. I have come to learn that my true power over alcohol is to not pick up that first drink that leads inevitably to a conclusion I repeated over and over.
I, too, prayed for deliverance. What someone once wisely said to me was that if I were a farmer, I could pray for a bumper crop of potatoes but I still had to do some work with the hoe.
I can say, without doubt, that I had no idea how to quit when I was so desperate to quit. That is why I love the SR Forum. It has so much information for you. Keep reading, keep posting, and above all, have faith that you can live a life without alcohol.
There are many, many people who have succeeded.
Thanks for posting.
I can certainly identify with what you have written above. I recall the feeling of desperation and the horror of heading toward what I rightfully perceived as the equivalent of a freight train bearing down on me as I stared at it with my eyes wide open.
I WAS powerless over alcohol, but my definition of powerless has changed. I am powerless to stop after the first drink. I have come to learn that my true power over alcohol is to not pick up that first drink that leads inevitably to a conclusion I repeated over and over.
I, too, prayed for deliverance. What someone once wisely said to me was that if I were a farmer, I could pray for a bumper crop of potatoes but I still had to do some work with the hoe.
I can say, without doubt, that I had no idea how to quit when I was so desperate to quit. That is why I love the SR Forum. It has so much information for you. Keep reading, keep posting, and above all, have faith that you can live a life without alcohol.
There are many, many people who have succeeded.
Thanks for posting.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 20
Restlessone, let me encourage you to pursue sobriety with all your heart!
I had a gastric bypass in 2005 and lost over 100 pounds. Because of the calories in alcohol, binge eating when drunk, and the general de-motivation alcohol and hangovers cause, I have gained about 40 pounds back! And I'm lucky that my liver is still functioning. Please don't make the same horrible choices I have!!!
I had a gastric bypass in 2005 and lost over 100 pounds. Because of the calories in alcohol, binge eating when drunk, and the general de-motivation alcohol and hangovers cause, I have gained about 40 pounds back! And I'm lucky that my liver is still functioning. Please don't make the same horrible choices I have!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Welcome Restlessone,
I can hear the fear in your post that the idea of giving up alcohol is causing you.
Isn't alcoholism amazing. Faced with the loss of life, your wife threatening to leave you; for normal drinkers this would be a no brainer, stop drinking.
All I can say to you, is you need a program and fast. I use AA and this forum to stay sober.
I hope you find the strength to find and stick to a program. It will be OK I promise you if you do.
All the best.
CaiHong
I can hear the fear in your post that the idea of giving up alcohol is causing you.
Isn't alcoholism amazing. Faced with the loss of life, your wife threatening to leave you; for normal drinkers this would be a no brainer, stop drinking.
All I can say to you, is you need a program and fast. I use AA and this forum to stay sober.
I hope you find the strength to find and stick to a program. It will be OK I promise you if you do.
All the best.
CaiHong
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
Hi Restlessone,
I am glad that you found us.
Good for you for having lost 60 pounds, but I think you may have thought that losing weight was going to change your whole life. And, it doesn't. I hope that you can find the path and support that you need to find peace in your life.
I am glad that you found us.
Good for you for having lost 60 pounds, but I think you may have thought that losing weight was going to change your whole life. And, it doesn't. I hope that you can find the path and support that you need to find peace in your life.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
You're not alone, Restlessone - we know the feeling of helplessness that comes from seeing what alcohol/drugs is doing to us even while we choose to keep drinking/using.
Something happens when you start reaching out for support and this is the perfect place to start...... If we can do it, you can too!
Something happens when you start reaching out for support and this is the perfect place to start...... If we can do it, you can too!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Newburgh
Posts: 868
Hang in there my friend. You made a great start by posting here. It will get better if you stick with it. I strongly suggest a support group of some kind. AA is very helpful. There are others as well that work for many people. Explore this site to learn about them. You CAN do this. Your life CAN get better. It will be tough at first, but if you find a good outside support group and share honestly with others you will succeed. Best wishes and God bless.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 3
I just want to say thanks to all of the people who have reached out with your support. It is nice to be able to correspond with others who know what I'm going through. Having read all your posts I am starting to feel more hopeful. I'm glad that I stumbled upon this website.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3
Hi there! Up until I was 30 I had a completely healthy relationship with alcohol. I had the gastric bypass in 2006 and by 2009 I was heading toward full blown alcoholism, which progressively or worse until today. 11 days ago I quit drinking (after multiple times "trying" and failing). Over the last 4 years I went through the various stages of denial:
I am not an alcoholic I just like to have fun.
I drink too much but I only drink wine so I can't be an alcoholic.
Maybe if I just limit the drinking to weekends.
Maybe if I quit now and sometime in the future I'll be able to redevelop a healthy relationship with alcohol like I used to have (MAJOR fear of giving it up forever)
Ok, I recognize I'm an alcoholic and at some point I'll need to quit but not ready to do that yet.
I am a hot mess and I need help. I don't ever want to touch that poison again.
4 years later I was enjoying binges that would last days long - completely drunk and passed out on the couch just to wake up and drink again. Luckily, although the alcoholism did start to affect my relationships and was beginning to affect my work, nothing dramatic happened for me to take that final step and get help. I just knew it was finally finally time. I admitted my problem to my closest family members (completely and utterly embarrassing because I'd always been the "strong" one). I hired a therapist (felt like I had ingrained and deep self esteem issues that underlied both the eating compulsion when I was fat and he alcoholism). Did plenty of research about recovery. Yes, I'm scared I will fail again. Yes, my confidence took a big dent in it. But I feel like if I can conquer this I can do anything. When I feel like drinking I think of that sad sad lonely girl, hair frazzled, eyes puffy, passed out drunk on the couch, bloated, depressed, and the physical problems that come with it. And I make the decision to not drink. You can absolutely do this. But you will have to cross a line in the sand from all those stages I listed above to a rather simple decision - "I don't drink". It's scary for sure but once you do it you will feel a HUGE weight lifted from you. No longer will you have to "plan" for situations where you can get alcohol is none is readily available, or how you're going to apologize to your wife, or when you are going to get sober, or or or all the things that come with being an alcoholic. Instead you'll fill that time up with healthy activities like working out, making your wife happy, going to family events and actually being PRESENT, enjoying life and waking up everyday feeling refreshed youthful and energetic. Good luck to you :-)
I am not an alcoholic I just like to have fun.
I drink too much but I only drink wine so I can't be an alcoholic.
Maybe if I just limit the drinking to weekends.
Maybe if I quit now and sometime in the future I'll be able to redevelop a healthy relationship with alcohol like I used to have (MAJOR fear of giving it up forever)
Ok, I recognize I'm an alcoholic and at some point I'll need to quit but not ready to do that yet.
I am a hot mess and I need help. I don't ever want to touch that poison again.
4 years later I was enjoying binges that would last days long - completely drunk and passed out on the couch just to wake up and drink again. Luckily, although the alcoholism did start to affect my relationships and was beginning to affect my work, nothing dramatic happened for me to take that final step and get help. I just knew it was finally finally time. I admitted my problem to my closest family members (completely and utterly embarrassing because I'd always been the "strong" one). I hired a therapist (felt like I had ingrained and deep self esteem issues that underlied both the eating compulsion when I was fat and he alcoholism). Did plenty of research about recovery. Yes, I'm scared I will fail again. Yes, my confidence took a big dent in it. But I feel like if I can conquer this I can do anything. When I feel like drinking I think of that sad sad lonely girl, hair frazzled, eyes puffy, passed out drunk on the couch, bloated, depressed, and the physical problems that come with it. And I make the decision to not drink. You can absolutely do this. But you will have to cross a line in the sand from all those stages I listed above to a rather simple decision - "I don't drink". It's scary for sure but once you do it you will feel a HUGE weight lifted from you. No longer will you have to "plan" for situations where you can get alcohol is none is readily available, or how you're going to apologize to your wife, or when you are going to get sober, or or or all the things that come with being an alcoholic. Instead you'll fill that time up with healthy activities like working out, making your wife happy, going to family events and actually being PRESENT, enjoying life and waking up everyday feeling refreshed youthful and energetic. Good luck to you :-)
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