JFD

Hello, like a lot of you, I started my road to hell after some surgery about 7 years ago. The doctor gave me some Vicodin and from there everything escalated to where I am today (a loser drug addict). I went from Vic's to Percs then a 'friend' turned me on to OC 80's. Now that you can't get them anymore, I turned back to perc 30's. I had been doing up to 360mg a day for about 1 year and at $1.00 mg (here in Massachusetts) it didn't take long to go though all my savings including my 401k. After many failed attempts, I finally said to myself -enough is enough and stopped taking them. That was 17 days ago. The first 10 days were literally hell on earth with the worst symptoms for me being the insomnia and restless arms. It got so bad, on day nine, I wanted to be dead and thought that if I were to die 'who would even care'? I don't know how, but by some miracle I'm still here and still have my job. Things have gotten better for me physically in the last 17 days but not emotionally. I find myself crying alot about how much I missed out on and can't go back. I'm still very scared and thought I'd feel alot better than I do by now but, when I sit back and think about it rationally I say to myself - 'How can you abuse narcotics for seven years and expect to feel normal after only 17 days?'. I just keep telling myself that things will get better day by day and have come here to read about people, like myself who have indeed beaten this unbelievably hellish drug. I want to thank you all for sharing, as just knowing that I'm not alone is very uplifting. Now........if I could only help convince the scores of people I know personally that are at this very moment snorting poison into there noses I would feel even better but they have to learn on thier own I guess. Problem is - not all of them are going to make it and that makes me very upset.

1undone

Welcome! Thank goodness you made it through withdrawal! Glad you are here to share and help others. There is no other word to describe what you've been through other than HELL. Again, welcome!

JFD

Thanks, but I'm not sure I have made it through, yet. It seems very much like a roller coaster ride with many ups and downs. I have never in my life (I'm 51 years old) felt so useless and ashamed of what I've become. I have no idea anymore what to do as it seems my whole life became a search for opiates.
I know I've had enough but I know it will be very hard since even in my small town (less than 4k peolple) there are 6-7 people selling this poison. You want to hear something funny? I, of course stopped calling them for drugs so they started calling and texting me asking 'whats up' and trying to get me to buy. I have since changed my number.

ovrock

I feel and share your pain. I am having a hard time keeping it together emotionally too.. I hope you do feel better and continue along this new road...

Ginza

You found SR and that's a good start.

Welcome JFD!

JFD

Thanks you all for your help and support. I offer mine to all of you great people as well. It's just sad I'm trying to think of the last time I had fun without opiates and for the life of me I can't. Pretty bad, heh?

Impurrfect

(((JFD))) - Welcome to SR!! Though my DOC (drug of choice) was crack, I totally relate to sadness that people continue to abuse stuff and the inability to remember the last time I had fun and I wasn't messed up.

SR was a big help in that. Someone here was posting pictures that I loved, and I suddenly remembered that I used to like to take pictures - just a cheapo snap and shoot, but I really did like it. So, I got another cheap camera and it goes everywhere with me.

It took a while. I'm 50 now, going on 5 years of recovery, but I really beat myself up - ruined my nursing career, a gazillion dollars in debt, and now back in school. I realized that it doesn't matter what age we are, when we find recovery it's like starting a new life. Each day that we don't do something we'll end up regretting is a baby step and they add up.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Dee74

Hi JFD

I'm really glad you've joined us. Sounds like your making great strides with your life.
The last however many years are gone - we can't change them, however much we want to, but we can take the lessons learned from them

it's today that counts

Welcome to SR

D

Gile4551

stay strong. u can do it and you're not alone

Duke10

My drug of choice is booze but I can still relate. You hung tough and some day you will be the one on SR telling people your story and how it was tough but you made it through.

CaiHong

Hi JFD,

You sound very strong to get through the initial period of withdrawal on your own.

No use dwelling on the past it is gone.

Besides this forum how else do you plan to stay clean? I am coming up to 7 months sober with the help of AA and this forum.

All the best

CaiHong

JFD

Thanks for everyone's kind words and support. It's always amazed me that no matter how deep a hole you dig for yourself, there are people like yourselves who not only make time to help others, but do it in a professional and caring way. I can also tell from my quite extensive reading of these forums (I lurked for a while before posting to insure I had made it at least two weeks sober) that you are all intelligent individuals who, like myself, made what I hope is the biggest mistake of our lives and, like you say have learned a hard and painful lesson. Albeit, for me anyway, later in life than I expected. I promise to keep you all updated on my progress. Again, my thanks. My next goal is 30 days.

Ginza

You're most welcome. I'm new here too but everyone seems just peaches.

My goal is the same everyday.

My goal is today; no more - no less.

JFD

It's really moment to moment for me right now. I should have said my 'Next Milestone' is 30 days.

JFD

Hello my friends,

Though I've posted to try to help and encourage others, I thought I should update everyone on my own situation. Well, with all my heart and soul I fought and fought then fought somemore and and I'm extemely happy to say i haven't touched and oxy since back in early-mid December. I continue to read these forums everyday as part of my recovery process and want to thank everyone for all thier help, stories of hope and inspiration and for just being there.

In friendship,
JFD

soberred

That is wonderful news! Thank you for the uplifting update

Dee74

Congratulations JFD

D