Drove her away
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: charleston, sc
Posts: 35
Drove her away
I really just drove her away totally now. She wont let me see my daughter for Christmas. I told her to lets put all this aside for Christmas and we will go away and take our 14yo. She says she hates me and she will never go any where with me or will never be with me again. It devistates me. You know after much thought I do not need to date. I need to be alone and just deal with this the best that I can. I feel at peace for a few minutes then it all goes to crap. I am moving back. I think when I get back things will be better. I told her that I wanted to see my daughter. She says no. When I move home things are gonna be better. I am so homesick. I am moving into the home we lived in when we got married. Its 1/4 the size of our home on the lake. It is in the country. A very serene place. I feel some peace coming over me every time I post. I love my wife alot. I have tried to control her by doing everything I have done. She even got arrested. I hope she forgives me. I didn't have her arrested. Her dr launched an investigation with dhec after i went to them to have them cut her off the first time. she was getting 2 prescriptions of the same thing from 2 different drs.. I felt really bad. i never expected her to get arrested. I am not calling the drs again. I am going to let it go. I didn't cause it. I can't change it or cure it. I am letting it all go right now. I have to. Thank you for all of your support and comments. I really enjoy the honesty here on this site. 
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
hey dog...since you enjoy the honesty...I gotta say that reading your posts is a little crazy making. it seems like you are spinning, whirling, without a center...without stability.
are you speaking face to face in a meeting? do you have a therapist? can you get yourself a sponsor? maybe start doing some journaling and "tracking" of which side of the fence you are on? your instability feels a little dangerous. seriously. your splittedness in your thoughts around this situation is kind of remarkable.
when you go from calling authorities and reporting on her (which, given the circumstances seems like the very appropriate thing to do) to wanting to "run away" together and "leave it all behind" (which, given addiction and the circumstances is an absolutely inappropriate fantasy) you are on a see saw that is kind of maniacal.
keep seeking counsel, you present yourself as pretty desperate which can make a person behave in kind of crazy ways.
are you speaking face to face in a meeting? do you have a therapist? can you get yourself a sponsor? maybe start doing some journaling and "tracking" of which side of the fence you are on? your instability feels a little dangerous. seriously. your splittedness in your thoughts around this situation is kind of remarkable.
when you go from calling authorities and reporting on her (which, given the circumstances seems like the very appropriate thing to do) to wanting to "run away" together and "leave it all behind" (which, given addiction and the circumstances is an absolutely inappropriate fantasy) you are on a see saw that is kind of maniacal.
keep seeking counsel, you present yourself as pretty desperate which can make a person behave in kind of crazy ways.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I remember thinking, when my son was breaking my heart with his addiction, that I'd rather live with it and accept his bad behaviour than try to live in the emptiness, pain and fear without it.
I was wrong. Addiction is a progressive disease and as my son got worse, so did I...I was going down with him and I knew I would not survive.
The pain of letting go and reaching out for the lifeline of recovery literally saved my life. It didn't save him, but neither did going down with him. Today I live my life well, finding beauty in every single day despite the fact that my son is still lost in his addiction somewhere, we know not where, and has been for many years. Each morning I pray and give his care to God, then live in faith rather than fear, and that has made all the difference.
I hope you can find your own "healthy place" in all this. The pain of her addiction may not go away, but your own pain at trying to control this situation will only take you down too. For the sake of your child, maybe find the strength to find your balance and live well.
Hugs
I was wrong. Addiction is a progressive disease and as my son got worse, so did I...I was going down with him and I knew I would not survive.
The pain of letting go and reaching out for the lifeline of recovery literally saved my life. It didn't save him, but neither did going down with him. Today I live my life well, finding beauty in every single day despite the fact that my son is still lost in his addiction somewhere, we know not where, and has been for many years. Each morning I pray and give his care to God, then live in faith rather than fear, and that has made all the difference.
I hope you can find your own "healthy place" in all this. The pain of her addiction may not go away, but your own pain at trying to control this situation will only take you down too. For the sake of your child, maybe find the strength to find your balance and live well.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: charleston, sc
Posts: 35
Originally Posted by lesliej 
hey dog...since you enjoy the honesty...I gotta say that reading your posts is a little crazy making. it seems like you are spinning, whirling, without a center...without stability.
are you speaking face to face in a meeting? do you have a therapist? can you get yourself a sponsor? maybe start doing some journaling and "tracking" of which side of the fence you are on? your instability feels a little dangerous. seriously. your splittedness in your thoughts around this situation is kind of remarkable.
when you go from calling authorities and reporting on her (which, given the circumstances seems like the very appropriate thing to do) to wanting to "run away" together and "leave it all behind" (which, given addiction and the circumstances is an absolutely inappropriate fantasy) you are on a see saw that is kind of maniacal.
keep seeking counsel, you present yourself as pretty desperate which can make a person behave in kind of crazy ways.
are you speaking face to face in a meeting? do you have a therapist? can you get yourself a sponsor? maybe start doing some journaling and "tracking" of which side of the fence you are on? your instability feels a little dangerous. seriously. your splittedness in your thoughts around this situation is kind of remarkable.
when you go from calling authorities and reporting on her (which, given the circumstances seems like the very appropriate thing to do) to wanting to "run away" together and "leave it all behind" (which, given addiction and the circumstances is an absolutely inappropriate fantasy) you are on a see saw that is kind of maniacal.
keep seeking counsel, you present yourself as pretty desperate which can make a person behave in kind of crazy ways.
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