Introduction - Day 1 for me!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Graham, WA
Posts: 3
Introduction - Day 1 for me!
Hello everyone...I've been lurking on this forum for awhile now, reading information about methadone treatment as I prepared to begin my recovery. My brother in law has been taking methadone for 9 yrs. now and suggested I try it. It took me 6 weeks of orientations, assessments, UAs and doctor appts. but I got my first dose today.
I'm the 34 yr. old single mother of a 10 yr. old girl that I adopted. I got custody of her when she was just barely two years old and is quite a handful but I love her more than anything. I am in a relationship with a man I love deeply, but who has never had a problem with addiction and doesn't really understand it...even though he's a nurse and former drug user. When I get sick from withdrawal, he tells me to eat salt or go for a jog! haha
I've used drugs recreationally from the time I was 14, but my original addiction was food. I had gastric bypass surgery 5 yrs. ago, lost 120 lbs. and soon after, transferred my addiction to sex. Around the same time I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 yrs., I got unlimited access to marijuana and started smoking daily to deal with the pain of that breakup.
About a year into that habit, I developed what I now know to be Cannabinoid hyperemesis. My pain was unbearable, the vomiting constant, the nausea like nothing I'd ever experienced in my life. It would strike me 2-3 times a week and I'd be bedridden for another day afterward recovering. I began what would be a 2 yr. odyssey with hospitals, doctors and specialists trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with me. I went to the ER at least 3 times a month and was prescribed oxycodone for the pain.
I'd experimented with plenty of drugs in my time...ecstasy, acid, mushrooms, cocaine, etc. but I'd never been addicted to any drug until I met oxycodone. It only took me about 4 months to become a daily user. I can count on my two hands the number of days I've gone without a pill in the past 2 yrs. Most days I took around 120 mg.
I had a friend who was diagnosed with Cannabinoid hyperemesis, so I stopped smoking weed to see if my symptoms would go away and they did. I've had almost 3 months now without that problem, so I know that I can safely try to get off of opiates without having to endure that unbearable pain again without the assistance of medication.
During my two year addiction, I lost my car and my home. I'd bought my house about 10 yrs. ago and even though changes in my business (I've been self employed for 11 yrs. now) had me dropping from a strong 6 figure income to about $55,000 a yr., my illness had pretty much dried up any money coming in. That combined with all the money I was spending on pills just meant there wasn't anything left for the mortgage company.
I moved 2 months ago into a 3 bedroom apt. in the basement of a lovely old home on 20 acres less than a mile from where my old home was. My daughter is almost 11 and she got to stay in the same school, which was very important to me.
As I mentioned, I'm on day 1 of methadone treatment. The current plan is to stay on that until I get some counseling and really think that I can stay sober on my own. I'm pretty sure that will take awhile, but I'm willing to do what it takes at this point.
The biggest problem I had on opiates is that I turned into a complete bitch. I constantly yell at my daughter and she's willful and disobedient, but on drugs, I just can't handle even the slightest rebellion from her.
It was awesome not to really feel anything for awhile, but I finally started to realize that even though it's nice not to feel the bad, it's not good to not be able to feel the good. I can't even remember the last time I really really LAUGHED uncontrollably. I don't have the motivation to do anything and as a self employed person, that's dangerous.
I'm hoping I can find a little bit more support here while I investigate the options for in person therapies through the clinic I'm using. Every other treatment place I've talked to won't have anything to do with me if I plan to stay on methadone.
So anyway, there's my intro! I'm looking forward to talking to everyone. I'm really feeling good for the first time in months...physically as well as mentally because I'm not having to worry about how I'm gonna get money for pills or whether my dealer will be able to find any and how much they'll cost me. I hope this is the beginning of a successful attempt to find HAPPINESS. I've never really known that.
Happy holidays everyone!
I'm the 34 yr. old single mother of a 10 yr. old girl that I adopted. I got custody of her when she was just barely two years old and is quite a handful but I love her more than anything. I am in a relationship with a man I love deeply, but who has never had a problem with addiction and doesn't really understand it...even though he's a nurse and former drug user. When I get sick from withdrawal, he tells me to eat salt or go for a jog! haha
I've used drugs recreationally from the time I was 14, but my original addiction was food. I had gastric bypass surgery 5 yrs. ago, lost 120 lbs. and soon after, transferred my addiction to sex. Around the same time I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 yrs., I got unlimited access to marijuana and started smoking daily to deal with the pain of that breakup.
About a year into that habit, I developed what I now know to be Cannabinoid hyperemesis. My pain was unbearable, the vomiting constant, the nausea like nothing I'd ever experienced in my life. It would strike me 2-3 times a week and I'd be bedridden for another day afterward recovering. I began what would be a 2 yr. odyssey with hospitals, doctors and specialists trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with me. I went to the ER at least 3 times a month and was prescribed oxycodone for the pain.
I'd experimented with plenty of drugs in my time...ecstasy, acid, mushrooms, cocaine, etc. but I'd never been addicted to any drug until I met oxycodone. It only took me about 4 months to become a daily user. I can count on my two hands the number of days I've gone without a pill in the past 2 yrs. Most days I took around 120 mg.
I had a friend who was diagnosed with Cannabinoid hyperemesis, so I stopped smoking weed to see if my symptoms would go away and they did. I've had almost 3 months now without that problem, so I know that I can safely try to get off of opiates without having to endure that unbearable pain again without the assistance of medication.
During my two year addiction, I lost my car and my home. I'd bought my house about 10 yrs. ago and even though changes in my business (I've been self employed for 11 yrs. now) had me dropping from a strong 6 figure income to about $55,000 a yr., my illness had pretty much dried up any money coming in. That combined with all the money I was spending on pills just meant there wasn't anything left for the mortgage company.
I moved 2 months ago into a 3 bedroom apt. in the basement of a lovely old home on 20 acres less than a mile from where my old home was. My daughter is almost 11 and she got to stay in the same school, which was very important to me.
As I mentioned, I'm on day 1 of methadone treatment. The current plan is to stay on that until I get some counseling and really think that I can stay sober on my own. I'm pretty sure that will take awhile, but I'm willing to do what it takes at this point.
The biggest problem I had on opiates is that I turned into a complete bitch. I constantly yell at my daughter and she's willful and disobedient, but on drugs, I just can't handle even the slightest rebellion from her.
It was awesome not to really feel anything for awhile, but I finally started to realize that even though it's nice not to feel the bad, it's not good to not be able to feel the good. I can't even remember the last time I really really LAUGHED uncontrollably. I don't have the motivation to do anything and as a self employed person, that's dangerous.
I'm hoping I can find a little bit more support here while I investigate the options for in person therapies through the clinic I'm using. Every other treatment place I've talked to won't have anything to do with me if I plan to stay on methadone.
So anyway, there's my intro! I'm looking forward to talking to everyone. I'm really feeling good for the first time in months...physically as well as mentally because I'm not having to worry about how I'm gonna get money for pills or whether my dealer will be able to find any and how much they'll cost me. I hope this is the beginning of a successful attempt to find HAPPINESS. I've never really known that.
Happy holidays everyone!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome LaughTilItHurts!
I'm glad you're talking to a doc and have a plan..... I hope everything works out for you. You're so right about addiction cutting us off from life. When I got sober, I started appreciating all the little things again.
You may know this already, but there's a section on substance abuse and one on methadone treatment as well. Here's the links:
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Suboxone/Methadone Maintenance or Detox - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
So glad you've joined us!
I'm glad you're talking to a doc and have a plan..... I hope everything works out for you. You're so right about addiction cutting us off from life. When I got sober, I started appreciating all the little things again.
You may know this already, but there's a section on substance abuse and one on methadone treatment as well. Here's the links:
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Suboxone/Methadone Maintenance or Detox - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
So glad you've joined us!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Wis
Posts: 172
I have no history with your drug addiction but the haze of drugs or alcohol is the same. My advice is to try and see what life is like without the haze of drugs and then look around at the people that surround you and make sure they are who you want. You need a solid base to make this work and I hope to god you can. Good luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Graham, WA
Posts: 3
Thanks everyone. It's kind of weird...I have the same "wide awake, clear motivated" feeling on the methadone that I had when I was taking oxycodone. I know how it functions so I guess I can't be surprised, but after hearing "you won't be high" so many times, I guess I'm surprised at how I DO feel.
I haven't really been hungry today, but I'm not experiencing any withdrawal symptoms at all...I thought I might at the starting dose of 30 mg. I'll be on this dose until next Tuesday, when they raise it to 40.
I've definitely missed the comforting? feeling of sniffing and feeling the powder hit the back of my throat. I snorted almost all of my pills for the last year. I don't miss having to scheme to get money and listen to my dealer constantly whine about how she's not making anything off of me when I know she's charging me double what she pays.
I won't get assigned a counselor until next week sometime, I think. I'm also worried about getting snowed in and having it screw up my chances at earning extra carries. I live in a very rural area about 45 mins. away from the clinic and having to go 6 days a week is going to be hard for me. Earning those extra carries are very important.
I'm definitely feeling better than I thought I would. Thanks to everyone who posted welcoming me!
I haven't really been hungry today, but I'm not experiencing any withdrawal symptoms at all...I thought I might at the starting dose of 30 mg. I'll be on this dose until next Tuesday, when they raise it to 40.
I've definitely missed the comforting? feeling of sniffing and feeling the powder hit the back of my throat. I snorted almost all of my pills for the last year. I don't miss having to scheme to get money and listen to my dealer constantly whine about how she's not making anything off of me when I know she's charging me double what she pays.
I won't get assigned a counselor until next week sometime, I think. I'm also worried about getting snowed in and having it screw up my chances at earning extra carries. I live in a very rural area about 45 mins. away from the clinic and having to go 6 days a week is going to be hard for me. Earning those extra carries are very important.
I'm definitely feeling better than I thought I would. Thanks to everyone who posted welcoming me!
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