New start career-wise
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
New start career-wise
A little while ago I was posting about wanting to start my own business, but having fears of financial instability and not wanting to make any huge changes so early in sobriety etc. I have been really unhappy at my current job-- some of it is my fault, some of it is their fault; in general it is not the right place for me, and overall I have something different I have been wanting to do, a different goal or direction that I have been afraid to take the jump and take, so I have been staying stuck in inertia and fear. Well, right when I was at my wit's end and so unsure of what to do, I saw an opportunity that seemed perfect for me. The chance to work with other professionals on a contract basis and in exchange for resources like an office and support staff etc., as well as the ability to build my own business. I went and met with them and it has alll been worked out-- in January after visiting my family I will be leaving my current job and starting my own business while doing contract work to bring in steady income. The best of both worlds! 
One part of me is so excited and the other is so scared! I feel nervous about leaving my current job, how my boss (whom I do like a lot) will react, guilt that I could never seem to give it my all here, fear that I will continue my same patterns on my own and fail (yet I do have some faith in myself and feel I will be much happier and much more productive in a better, more positive environment). Ahhhh. I feel like I am never happy! I get exactly what I wanted and more, and now I am afraid of leaving what I didn't/don't want. Overall I am very happy and feel grateful,and at times on top of the world that this opportunity fell into my lap and worked out, but I still have big twinges of fear and regret. Above all during this time no matter what I don't want to drink! I know it will only cause me problems instead of helping me. So I feel I will be posting a lot and going to more meetings. I am off to one right now but just wanted to post an update first!! So that when I post a lot everyone will know why.
PS Today I am 38 days sober.
One part of me is so excited and the other is so scared! I feel nervous about leaving my current job, how my boss (whom I do like a lot) will react, guilt that I could never seem to give it my all here, fear that I will continue my same patterns on my own and fail (yet I do have some faith in myself and feel I will be much happier and much more productive in a better, more positive environment). Ahhhh. I feel like I am never happy! I get exactly what I wanted and more, and now I am afraid of leaving what I didn't/don't want. Overall I am very happy and feel grateful,and at times on top of the world that this opportunity fell into my lap and worked out, but I still have big twinges of fear and regret. Above all during this time no matter what I don't want to drink! I know it will only cause me problems instead of helping me. So I feel I will be posting a lot and going to more meetings. I am off to one right now but just wanted to post an update first!! So that when I post a lot everyone will know why.
PS Today I am 38 days sober.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
Pigtails, that's wonderful news. And, it seems like things are working out for you so quickly. Of course, you're nervous/anxious about changing jobs and doing something different. But, I have a feeling that this is meant to be, at this time, and things are working out just the way they should.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 343
Congratulations!!
Employment (or lack of) is going to be one of my biggest stress factors when I finish treatment on Friday. I've been unemployed for over two years and that is one thing that facilitated my trip down the drain. So happy for you!
Employment (or lack of) is going to be one of my biggest stress factors when I finish treatment on Friday. I've been unemployed for over two years and that is one thing that facilitated my trip down the drain. So happy for you!
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Congrats on the breakthrough, Pigtails! I am in the same boat, at 4+ months sober. I left my previous employer on Friday to embark on my own, in the same career. I totally get the scared and excited feelings you are having, but it can be done!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
There is no better place to be throughout the entire universe than where you are right now.
four essential ingredients of successful achievement:
Choose a career you love
Give it the best there is in you
Seize your opportunities
And be a member of the team.
I wish you the best in your new endevour.
four essential ingredients of successful achievement:
Choose a career you love
Give it the best there is in you
Seize your opportunities
And be a member of the team.
I wish you the best in your new endevour.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Singapore
Posts: 737
First off congrats on 38 days. No small feat for us booze hounds
Secondly, I agree with Emerald, there is just no better place to be than having a unique opportunity to really and truly grab the bull by it's horns. So many of us never get to see the world from that perspective. Awesome and exciting stuff Pigtails.
Secondly, I agree with Emerald, there is just no better place to be than having a unique opportunity to really and truly grab the bull by it's horns. So many of us never get to see the world from that perspective. Awesome and exciting stuff Pigtails.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Very cool, Pigtails - I wish you all success!
It's always scary to try something new (like getting sober!), but the people who succeed are the ones that don't let that fear hold them back. I'm happy for you!
It's always scary to try something new (like getting sober!), but the people who succeed are the ones that don't let that fear hold them back. I'm happy for you!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: London, UK
Posts: 16
Hi Pigtails. I am doing the exact same thing. Taking some contract work while I get my own business of tje ground in the nee year. Pretty scary but think of the benefits. No.1 Being your own boss!
Good luck!
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 1,387
Very impressive!!!! You jumped! Good for you. Be thankful that the option was open for you (thank yourself for getting yourself in that position, actually) and be grateful you are sober (and, again, thank yourself). Almost any change that is worthwhile is scary - the fact that you faced your fears and are making a change is monumental.
Congratulations. What a great post to read at the beginning of what is going to be a very, very long day. (Man, this Christmas thing is getting out of hand. I want it to be over...) HAVE A GREAT DAY. YOU DESERVE IT.
Congratulations. What a great post to read at the beginning of what is going to be a very, very long day. (Man, this Christmas thing is getting out of hand. I want it to be over...) HAVE A GREAT DAY. YOU DESERVE IT.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Thanks everyone! It's so nice that everyone is being so supportive. I have been feeling so many mixed things!
I feel like good things have always come my way without me having to earn them, but finally it all started catching up with me, and I was miserable because I wasn't taking an active role in my career, I was just "letting" things happen to me without really being present or decisive. I felt empty in many ways and it showed in my career... my current bosses have been scratching their hands thinking, "she is smart and could be great but something's missing, she's just not giving us as much as she should." (They have told me as much, and, honestly some of them treat me/everyone beneath or around them horribly, and the pay is low for the field/industry, so I guess I justify not trying hard with a bunch of different things, but in the end I feel guilty looking back).
When I took this job over a year ago, my life was in pieces as a result of some very bad decisions I had made, in which alcohol played a very big role, but I was just an all-over mess. I was almost positive I didn't want to stay in my current career and I just took this job as a way to have a paycheck while I figured out what I really wanted to do. Instead of figuring it out, I stalled, continued drinking, continued wallowing in misery, being unhappy at work but rarely trying to do anything to fix it, being unhappy even when I was actually trying to fix things, being unhappy at work while applying to writing schools so I could change everything about my life... I was all over the place and it was hell!
A good thing that came out of my job was that it helped me decide that I DO want to stay in my career (at least for now) and it helped show me the areas I'm interested in and that I am interested in doing things a different way and in a different field so to speak than where I currently work. I started thinking about what I would really do with my background and education and experience if I didn't need to work here and even if I didn't care about a stable paycheck/benefits, status, image, etc., and I realized it would be something quite different, and that I should follow my heart (while still making a sound business plan to take care of my financial needs!).
Looking back, I guess I was here for a reason, because I was ready to run away from everything and now I have a new direction and purpose in my career that has come from trying to figure out who I really am and what I really want (and as part of an overall new purpose and direction in life). Yet even after I figured it out, I stayed here because it was so scary to leave, and meant jumping into the unknown with a lot of fears about money and change etc. So I kept staying here but wanting to leave. That was definitely the ugliest part-- knowing I wanted to do something else, and that I had a plan, but yet I stayed doing what I knew I didn't want to be doing.
Finally I stopped drinking for good (I say for "good"; it's been 39 days, but something clicked and is different this time and I feel a lot more concrete in my decision) and I feel like things really fell into place. I saw this opportunity in a trade publication, applied for it, got a call from the people and went to interview with them, and was presented the offer on Tuesday. So here it is, my big chance, even more than I was hoping for. A way to start my own business while also having a good deal of financial security and in fact the opportunity to make as much or even as more as I make now, as I grow my business. And yet I feel full of regret for how I handled things at my current job, or even taking my current job when my heart was never in it, or for staying here longer than I should have... I would just like to start moving towards the future rather than being stuck in the past.
I do like my boss and working for her has helped me define the type of business I want to do, just in a different way. So it will be hard to tell her I'm leaving and I feel a lot of guilt because she relies on me a lot and will be put in a bind without me... but then again, I'm probably placing too much importance on myself-- they are used to people coming and going and she'lll find someone else. I guess the thing that bothers me is thinking "what could have been" or "how I did things wrong" --- I start to think this COULD have been a good opportunity for me to develop my career under my boss, but, in reality there were issues with that, not just with her personality and the way things are set up here but also with political BS among the different business partners, and internal fighting and decision-making that I only get glimpses of and get caught up in just by the fact that I work here. In reality it would have been very hard, if not impossible, to work things out so that I could stay here long-term and be relatively happy, and besides, I have figured out that I want to do something different, a path that takes me off of this current path.
So I want to feel happy and resolute about my decision but in the meantime my boss talks about work projects for next Spring, etc. and I start freaking out inside knowing I am leaving but can't tell her until after I return from the holidays (or else I will lose the vacation time I'd saved up... although I keep thinking of just telling everyone now and taking more of a break but without pay, just to get it over with and have more peace of mind!).
I also just have fears about myself, like, needing to be more productive and disciplined when I do this, afraid that I'll fail. When I re-read my post I see I just second-guess myself and over-inflate my own importance and have a lot of fear and insecurity. I'm working on these things because I know they hold me back and make me unhappy, but it seems to be a very hard process and I am hoping to use this time to pursue my dreams and goals positively instead of beating myself up negatively. Thanks everyone for listening. I think I just need to vent about this because it's driving me crazy.
I have been feeling so many mixed things! I feel like good things have always come my way without me having to earn them, but finally it all started catching up with me, and I was miserable because I wasn't taking an active role in my career, I was just "letting" things happen to me without really being present or decisive. I felt empty in many ways and it showed in my career... my current bosses have been scratching their hands thinking, "she is smart and could be great but something's missing, she's just not giving us as much as she should." (They have told me as much, and, honestly some of them treat me/everyone beneath or around them horribly, and the pay is low for the field/industry, so I guess I justify not trying hard with a bunch of different things, but in the end I feel guilty looking back).
When I took this job over a year ago, my life was in pieces as a result of some very bad decisions I had made, in which alcohol played a very big role, but I was just an all-over mess. I was almost positive I didn't want to stay in my current career and I just took this job as a way to have a paycheck while I figured out what I really wanted to do. Instead of figuring it out, I stalled, continued drinking, continued wallowing in misery, being unhappy at work but rarely trying to do anything to fix it, being unhappy even when I was actually trying to fix things, being unhappy at work while applying to writing schools so I could change everything about my life... I was all over the place and it was hell!
A good thing that came out of my job was that it helped me decide that I DO want to stay in my career (at least for now) and it helped show me the areas I'm interested in and that I am interested in doing things a different way and in a different field so to speak than where I currently work. I started thinking about what I would really do with my background and education and experience if I didn't need to work here and even if I didn't care about a stable paycheck/benefits, status, image, etc., and I realized it would be something quite different, and that I should follow my heart (while still making a sound business plan to take care of my financial needs!).
Looking back, I guess I was here for a reason, because I was ready to run away from everything and now I have a new direction and purpose in my career that has come from trying to figure out who I really am and what I really want (and as part of an overall new purpose and direction in life). Yet even after I figured it out, I stayed here because it was so scary to leave, and meant jumping into the unknown with a lot of fears about money and change etc. So I kept staying here but wanting to leave. That was definitely the ugliest part-- knowing I wanted to do something else, and that I had a plan, but yet I stayed doing what I knew I didn't want to be doing.
Finally I stopped drinking for good (I say for "good"; it's been 39 days, but something clicked and is different this time and I feel a lot more concrete in my decision) and I feel like things really fell into place. I saw this opportunity in a trade publication, applied for it, got a call from the people and went to interview with them, and was presented the offer on Tuesday. So here it is, my big chance, even more than I was hoping for. A way to start my own business while also having a good deal of financial security and in fact the opportunity to make as much or even as more as I make now, as I grow my business. And yet I feel full of regret for how I handled things at my current job, or even taking my current job when my heart was never in it, or for staying here longer than I should have... I would just like to start moving towards the future rather than being stuck in the past.
I do like my boss and working for her has helped me define the type of business I want to do, just in a different way. So it will be hard to tell her I'm leaving and I feel a lot of guilt because she relies on me a lot and will be put in a bind without me... but then again, I'm probably placing too much importance on myself-- they are used to people coming and going and she'lll find someone else. I guess the thing that bothers me is thinking "what could have been" or "how I did things wrong" --- I start to think this COULD have been a good opportunity for me to develop my career under my boss, but, in reality there were issues with that, not just with her personality and the way things are set up here but also with political BS among the different business partners, and internal fighting and decision-making that I only get glimpses of and get caught up in just by the fact that I work here. In reality it would have been very hard, if not impossible, to work things out so that I could stay here long-term and be relatively happy, and besides, I have figured out that I want to do something different, a path that takes me off of this current path.
So I want to feel happy and resolute about my decision but in the meantime my boss talks about work projects for next Spring, etc. and I start freaking out inside knowing I am leaving but can't tell her until after I return from the holidays (or else I will lose the vacation time I'd saved up... although I keep thinking of just telling everyone now and taking more of a break but without pay, just to get it over with and have more peace of mind!).
I also just have fears about myself, like, needing to be more productive and disciplined when I do this, afraid that I'll fail. When I re-read my post I see I just second-guess myself and over-inflate my own importance and have a lot of fear and insecurity. I'm working on these things because I know they hold me back and make me unhappy, but it seems to be a very hard process and I am hoping to use this time to pursue my dreams and goals positively instead of beating myself up negatively. Thanks everyone for listening. I think I just need to vent about this because it's driving me crazy.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
