Change4good

So I hope I haven't lost my seat in the December class. I relapsed tonight. After a week of not drinking, and no withdrawals, I felt quite comfortable having a few glasses of wine tonight while we got the kids ready for bed. I don't plan on drinking more tonight, but did feel anxious until I partook in my usual Friday night. My husband and I did stories and letters with the children, and they are asleep.

My best friend has asked me to write a letter in support of her adopting a child. I have been by her side through three unsuccessful IVF procedures, and adoption is their last resort. This is awful to admit, but I almost felt as if I needed a few drinks before I could write the letter. I attempted it at work, but couldn't quite get the right words or tone to the letter. I just finished it, and it conveys what I feel, and what the Chinese government is looking for. I had a neighbor read it, and apparently it is just right.

That said, I feel like the Colorado artist on this forum (regrettfully I didn't write down her alias), who had difficulty putting brush to canvas without a drink. I feel the same way when I am tasked with writing something personal. My blog posts and emails have been received with lots of great commentary and kind words. Most don't know that I was three deep when I wrote them.

So kind people of SR, help me move past this. I will sign off, wash my face, brush my teeth, drink a glass of water, and resume again tomorrow.

And please forgive me for not responding to the newcomers and current members in my shoes. I read your posts, and send thoughts your way. With two small kids, I just don't have the luxury of spending lots of time on the laptop.

Goodnight all. Tomorrow is another day.

Anna

As is often said around here, it's about changing behaviours.

I had to learn how to deal with all the stuff that comes along with life and family and it was hard and I felt clueless. But, after awhile, it started to feel comfortable to deal with things in a healthy way.

Hang in there!

Dee74

There's a lot more of December left, Change - your seat is safe

I empathise with the thought pattern.

I spent a lot of time convincing myself I needed to drink - the 'if you had my life you'd drink too' syndrome - I was disabled, I was stressed, I was running deadlines and needed to relax, I needed to perk up, I needed to slow down, I needed creative inspiration...

I had a million reasons.

I haven't needed a drink in nearly 5 years. I can't think of any area in my life where I've lost anything by not drinking, or where being sober made me less capable than I used to be.

The opposite is true

D

Change4good

Dee, thanks for that post. As I was getting water out of the fridge, I saw this magnet:

"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying "I will try again tomorrow."

I need that voice to be a little louder. :-)

NewWay

I have written so many things in the past with a glass of wine next to me. It just made it easier, but now I have to figure out another way to do it sober.

I am glad that you are getting back on the wagon. I know Friday night is tough, it is like a signal to start drinking, at least it is for me, but I am trying a different way now.

You can do this. We all can.

Change4good

I went to bed, and can't sleep. Now reading SR, hopefully to offer support, despite the fact that I failed today.

Dee74

I know it's natural to think of it as failure, but sometimes I wonder whether it's not better seen as 'learning another lesson'

D

EmeraldRose

Complacency is a huge problem in early recovery. And having wine in the house is, too!
Tomorrow is another day....wishing you peace and strength.

gaffo

The SR crew suggested that I dump the lone brew in my fridge and I did. If I were you I would get the wine out of easy reach. Set yourself up for success.

I am a writer and an artist and I used to drink while I worked. Since I'm a pro, I have no choice--I have to do it sober. It's different but not worse. I can use my brain for longer stretches, later into the night. I remember what I wrote in the morning!

Good Luck!

Change4good

Thank you gaffo. We have Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale in the fridge. I love the taste of it. Finding it hard to keep reaching for water when I see it.

When did you find your voice/talent without drinking?

GirlFromCO

Oh my god, I almost killed myself with that stuff last winter. I just had an involuntary gag response when I saw that name! Like seeing an ex-boyfriend in the grocery store, lol. *shudder*

Change4good

GirlfromCo, you were the one I mentioned in my earlier post! Thanks for commenting.

I am still awake, lamenting the fact that I have to start again tomorrow. My husband doesn't understand that I can't drink again. He will support me, but I have to educate him about this disease, and the toil it is taking on me.

He gave up alcohol for lent (40 days). I didn't drink during both of my pregnancies. But we both resumed drinking when it was "safe."

I am learning that even if you aren't drinking, you are still an addict.
*sigh*

cuyootoo

Stephen King used to use cocaine and alcohol too. If you have the chance you should listen to his book, On Writing. I think you might like it.