First Day of the Rest of my life (hopefully)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: London, UK
Posts: 16
First Day of the Rest of my life (hopefully)
Hi guys. I think I have finally come to the conclusion that I do have a drink problem, and now is time to do something about it. I think I realised after drinking (a lot) in bars on Friday night, and then waking up on Saturday morning, and going straight back out to spend the whole day out drinking. Not the first time.
My drinking has gone up and down through certain periods in my life (I’m only 28). It all really seemed to start when I was 19 and at University. I got a call from an ex girlfiend living on the other side of the country to say she was pregnant. I took it very badly, in hindsight too badly, and the only place I could forget about it was “drunk” (I smoked a lot too). I managed to scrape my way through university and pass my course.
I then managed to get a job in Paris, which seemed like one big drunken party for a few years, where I managed to keep a good job, and really enjoyed, I seemed to be able to drink as much as I wanted then and still get up for work.
Then I moved back to the UK and tried to patch things up with my daughter which didn’t work out. It’s a long (even longer than this!) story, but that then sent me into a serious bout of depression. That’s when I really started drinking, 24-48 hour drinking sessions, but only at weekends, still managing to keep some quite high profile (and highly paid) jobs. But starting to miss some shifts at work.
I was then out of work for a while so had no reason not to drink as I could sleep it off the next day, my girlfriend at the time didn’t seem to notice, she likes a drink too so didn’t see anything wrong ( I have mentioned to her in the past that I think I have a problem and she thinks I’m being silly) .
I went through a succession of contract jobs, leaving them before they noticed the patterns in my sick days.
I then curbed my drinking, a bit, and got into fitness in a big way (I definitely have an addictive personality), this helped me for a while (especially with the depression) before I injured my knee quite badly stopping that.
I have now looked back over the last ten years, realising I have not had a hangover free day on a weekend (or Monday). I have not achieved anything, my job now isn’t even as good as my first. I have nothing to show for all of the work I have done. All I have done is wish away the week ready for that first drink on a Friday. Time for a change!
I want to turn my life around, I’m willing to accept help this time. No-one around me see’s that I have a problem which I don’t know if is a good or a bad thing?
I can’t even think of anything that I used to enjoy pre-drinking or even where to start my life of sobriety.
Sorry for the VERY long post but I thought maybe getting some of this off my chest would be a good place to start.
Fingers crossed!
My drinking has gone up and down through certain periods in my life (I’m only 28). It all really seemed to start when I was 19 and at University. I got a call from an ex girlfiend living on the other side of the country to say she was pregnant. I took it very badly, in hindsight too badly, and the only place I could forget about it was “drunk” (I smoked a lot too). I managed to scrape my way through university and pass my course.
I then managed to get a job in Paris, which seemed like one big drunken party for a few years, where I managed to keep a good job, and really enjoyed, I seemed to be able to drink as much as I wanted then and still get up for work.
Then I moved back to the UK and tried to patch things up with my daughter which didn’t work out. It’s a long (even longer than this!) story, but that then sent me into a serious bout of depression. That’s when I really started drinking, 24-48 hour drinking sessions, but only at weekends, still managing to keep some quite high profile (and highly paid) jobs. But starting to miss some shifts at work.
I was then out of work for a while so had no reason not to drink as I could sleep it off the next day, my girlfriend at the time didn’t seem to notice, she likes a drink too so didn’t see anything wrong ( I have mentioned to her in the past that I think I have a problem and she thinks I’m being silly) .
I went through a succession of contract jobs, leaving them before they noticed the patterns in my sick days.
I then curbed my drinking, a bit, and got into fitness in a big way (I definitely have an addictive personality), this helped me for a while (especially with the depression) before I injured my knee quite badly stopping that.
I have now looked back over the last ten years, realising I have not had a hangover free day on a weekend (or Monday). I have not achieved anything, my job now isn’t even as good as my first. I have nothing to show for all of the work I have done. All I have done is wish away the week ready for that first drink on a Friday. Time for a change!
I want to turn my life around, I’m willing to accept help this time. No-one around me see’s that I have a problem which I don’t know if is a good or a bad thing?
I can’t even think of anything that I used to enjoy pre-drinking or even where to start my life of sobriety.
Sorry for the VERY long post but I thought maybe getting some of this off my chest would be a good place to start.
Fingers crossed!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Welcome to the family.
You can start by not drinking today, then when tomorrow comes, do the same thing - don't drink. I've been not drinking one day at a time for the last two years and don't miss it one bit. I hope we can help you as much as this site has helped me.
You can start by not drinking today, then when tomorrow comes, do the same thing - don't drink. I've been not drinking one day at a time for the last two years and don't miss it one bit. I hope we can help you as much as this site has helped me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 69
Your life reminds me of what I used to want: to be in a position where I had every reason in the world to use. Living in Paris with a good job, in an environment that encourages using...that sounded like the ideal living situation for me.
However, just like that elusive high (the dragon), the perfect living situation for drug/alcohol use can never be found. Realizing that played a huge part in me getting sober.
Thank you for sharing your story, I can identify with you very much. Best wishes for your recovery.
However, just like that elusive high (the dragon), the perfect living situation for drug/alcohol use can never be found. Realizing that played a huge part in me getting sober.
Thank you for sharing your story, I can identify with you very much. Best wishes for your recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: London, UK
Posts: 16
Thank you.
What I'm really worried about is when the weekend comes. I can lose myself in my work Monday to Friday.
I seem to have built my while social life around drinking. My friends and even my partner too if I'm honest.
What I'm really worried about is when the weekend comes. I can lose myself in my work Monday to Friday.
I seem to have built my while social life around drinking. My friends and even my partner too if I'm honest.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 69
That has been the most difficult part for me as well. I'm a little more than 10 months clean and sober, and I almost lost it last Saturday night due to boredom. For that reason, I am going to my first NA meeting this Saturday.
I'm discovering now that a big part (maybe the biggest) of recovery is relationships with others. It was always easy for me to find people to get high with -- hell, I didn't mind getting high by myself.
In sobriety, I am finding out what loneliness really is. But I know it doesn't have to be that way. If I sit around in my house on Friday and Saturday night, yes, I am going to be lonely. If I go to a meeting, though, I won't be.
I'm also starting Yoga this week, as I've heard great things about it, plus it's another opportunity to meet people.
I'm discovering now that a big part (maybe the biggest) of recovery is relationships with others. It was always easy for me to find people to get high with -- hell, I didn't mind getting high by myself.
In sobriety, I am finding out what loneliness really is. But I know it doesn't have to be that way. If I sit around in my house on Friday and Saturday night, yes, I am going to be lonely. If I go to a meeting, though, I won't be.
I'm also starting Yoga this week, as I've heard great things about it, plus it's another opportunity to meet people.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: London, UK
Posts: 16
I have always thought that I don't mind my own company but now I really think drinking (plus others) has been the companion to me over the years.
I would like to look into meditation, it sounds like a natural way to feel good about myself when I'm alone.
And Yoga sounds great!
I would like to look into meditation, it sounds like a natural way to feel good about myself when I'm alone.
And Yoga sounds great!
- Motivated -
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Framingham, MA
Posts: 309
Hey FD83, welcome to SR. I think it's great that you're doing this at 28. A lot of time to get your life back in order. Alcohol will absolutely ruin your life and if you continue to drink things will NOT get better. Hope you stick around
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Welcome to SR Firstday83
I think staying sober takes a lot of changes for sure, but I don't regret making any of them - I live a far more real life, and I'm a far more real me, without booze calling the shots
You'll find a lot of support here
D
I think staying sober takes a lot of changes for sure, but I don't regret making any of them - I live a far more real life, and I'm a far more real me, without booze calling the shots
You'll find a lot of support here
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 69
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I live a far more real life, and I'm a far more real me, without booze calling the shots
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Welcome Firstday83,
If you are willing to accept help and do what it takes to get sober, you will.
Six months down the road of sobriety and I have never felt so much better and what Dee said about real being so much better is true for me.
I would never have believed it at the beginning. Now that I am living it, I am so grateful to the people who helped me to get here.
I do hope you find the program that suits you and get the true happiness that you deserve.
All the best
CaiHong
If you are willing to accept help and do what it takes to get sober, you will.
Six months down the road of sobriety and I have never felt so much better and what Dee said about real being so much better is true for me.
I would never have believed it at the beginning. Now that I am living it, I am so grateful to the people who helped me to get here.
I do hope you find the program that suits you and get the true happiness that you deserve.
All the best
CaiHong
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome to the forum, FirstDay -
I didn't know if I could get sober, either...... Drinking was about the only thing I looked forward to most days. It does take some time to get used to sobriety, but it gets a little better each day and there are so many rewards along the way.
Glad you've joined us!
I didn't know if I could get sober, either...... Drinking was about the only thing I looked forward to most days. It does take some time to get used to sobriety, but it gets a little better each day and there are so many rewards along the way.
Glad you've joined us!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: London, UK
Posts: 16
Thanks everyone for the great messages of support. After doing a lot of reading of posts on here I am finally starting to be able to see what has been happening. Making plans for my fisrt sober weekend in over 10 years.
Going to make the long drive up to see my family on Friday, take the dogs out for a long walk in the hills or forest, haven't decided yet, and then looking forward to not being ill on a Monday.
I really have the motivation to do things I should have done a long time ago.
Thanks guys!
PS I treat myself to some nice over indulgent food for dinner tonight for the first time in a long time. I'm not saving calories for booze anymore!
Going to make the long drive up to see my family on Friday, take the dogs out for a long walk in the hills or forest, haven't decided yet, and then looking forward to not being ill on a Monday.
I really have the motivation to do things I should have done a long time ago.
Thanks guys!
PS I treat myself to some nice over indulgent food for dinner tonight for the first time in a long time. I'm not saving calories for booze anymore!
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