tammygirl

After my horrible hangover, withdrawal, anxiety on Friday that lasted ALL day and most of night, I caved in Saturday night at 7:30 and drank 16 beers. I woke up on Sunday, ready for some football and started at 11am and by 6:30pm, was in bed.....15 beers later!

I woke up at 1:30am with my heart pounding, racing, sweats same crap as what I went through just Friday. The anxiety was SOOO bad. I tried to wait it out until 3:15, when I called a man I've started dating and told him I was having really bad anxiety..he told me to hold tight, he was on his way and not to hang up...he's 40 minutes away! He stayed on the phone, trying to calm me, telling me it would be okay, he'd be there soon...he had no idea how much I drink or had even had a drink at all on Sunday.

I came clean, I was honest, I cried, I apologized, I was embarrassed, I was feeling horrible, I told him I know I have a drinking problem and the cause of my anxiety is from drinking, but I do very well at hiding it. He stayed on the phone with me, spoke kind words and when he go here, he held me and told me I can do this, I have to do this and he is not leaving my side...WE will get through this, together. I cried even harder to know I finally had someone here to support me, not judge me...listen to me, not yell at me....tell me it's not my fault and it's not going to be easy, but he will not let me give up.

He spent the night, I only slept a few hours and woke up feeling achy, fuzzy, shaky, but the heart racing had subsided. I took my bp medication, a xanax and went to work. Around 4:30 yesterday, I began to sweat, get a little shaky, upset stomach, fuzzy thinking, dizzy and new I was craving alcohol. I knew he was coming over again around 7pm and I busied myself, making soup for us for dinner, doing the dishes that had been in the sink for 5 days, reading posts on here and when he got here, I fell into his arms and cried and said I didn't think I could do this. He looked in my eyes and said, "yes, you can, I did it." WOW!

I did make the mistake of drinking 3 diet cokes and the caffeine didn't help my already impending anxiety. I switched to water, we talked, we cuddled, I cried and I made it through my first day.

Although, I was NOT tired at all and when I did sleep, it was not restful and unfortunately, he suffered as well because I kept him up. I got up at 5:30, washed the dishes from last night, made decaf coffee, came on here and again, busied myself. We had breakfast together and i still feel fuzzy headed and had some sweats earlier, but so far, I'm winning. My blood pressure is normal and I now have a sore throat and runny nose..but better than that withdrawal/hangover feeling.

I'm exhausted from lack of sleep, but I am going to his house in two hours and because of the drive, I will not drink. I know I will not drink at his home, as he will not allow me to.

I have found my angel, he is so supportive and i hope and pray that I don't let him down, he can't be with me 24/7, but I am trying.

I do have a question, though, has anyone experienced an itchiness on their skin and a slight rash in spots on the body? It seems I have broken out with, what seems to be an allergic reaction. Coincidence? I thought maybe it was because of the sweats that kept coming on and then i would get cold and did not shower, it was from that, but now I'm wondering if it's the toxins leaving my body?

Just wanted to update you all. Wish me luck and i will stay on here, even if I don't post, I read and read and read.

Maybe it's my time, finally.

least

Welcome to a supportive site for getting sober. I gave up drinking for good two years ago and don't miss it one bit. One of the reasons for not drinking again is that I cannot stand to go thru that horrible w/d anxiety again. If you stay sober you'll never have to feel so bad again.

Tigger41

Wow Tammy - it's great you have someone in your corner. My skin was itchy for a day or so and then it went away.

Anna

I'm glad you're doing well and that you have found good support in your boyfriend.

1undone

I was itchy for about a week and the sweats and lack of sleep we're awful!!!!! Fortunately I went to the doctor and told them what was up. They helped me get through it. I too am fortunate to have a husband that is 100% behind me. I can't completely rely on him though because I need to be with others that share my issues and can be good sober friends to me.. AA is where I have found that, mainly the women's groups. I wish you all the best! Keep us posted on your progress!

yo466

Tammy-

The first week is usually pretty hellish physically, but once you make it through you should start to feel better and the process of recovery can begin. It's great that you have someone to support you through this. Just remember that you are doing this for yourself and not to lean too hard on one person for support. You can always lean on us, go to AA, see a counselor, etc. to spread the support options around, so to speak. Good luck to you!

Ghostlight

Hello, and thanks for doing the research for me. I've been through what you describe so many times I can't count them.
The fear, the anxiety and sweats. What a nightmare! Your post reminded me of those things, and that I never have to go through them again if I just don't drink.

I hope you can stop before it's too late, because, believe me, it only gets worse.

Thanks for posting, and best to you.

goldiilocks

My skin has been really itchy too for the past couple of days.... It gets like that when Ive stopped drinking in the past... I am attributing it to the cold weather, but come to think of it, I tried stopping in the summer time and relapsed, and the same thing happened. Thank you for pointing this out. It gets the worst when I am trying to sleep. Best of luck to you, this site has helped me so much an a lot of times when I feel like drinking I just get on here even if i dont post or say anything.

ttbp

Hello

I'm so glad you've got someone there supporting you - it's really important

Also, remember you can do this for YOU too though. Big hugs xx

tammygirl

At 6 pm tonight, I made Day 5, with the help of a wonderful man. He is out of town for the weekend and I will not see him until Monday night...this leaves me on my own for tomorrow and Sunday and I am TERRIFIED I will not make it.

Most of the anxiety, shakes and sweats have gone, but I still have an extremely fuzzy head, having a hard time focusing....still feel hung over.

I have not slept well at all and when I do, I have CRAZY dreams. I'm too exhausted to even feel exhausted. I have tried to keep myself busy...my house is getting so clean...I have neglected it for years and filled 3 garbage cans this week alone with junk from my ex that was left here. It's almost as I am cleaning up myself, I am cleaning out the garbage that I used to cling to when I was drinking.

I still am itchy and my face is breaking out horribly and I feel like I am dry from the inside out...and it's not from lack of fluids...I have been drinking seltzer water, 4 quarts a day, herbal decaf tea and diet soda daily.

The worst part now is the psychological cravings that come from nowhere. I had my daughter invite a friend over so I could not drive to the store to buy beer and now that I'm settled and they are here, I will be okay for tonight from not drinking, but still worried about tomorrow.

I also noticed that today, on Day 5, I am so sad and cry at anything, good or bad, happy or sad and I have no idea why. I am afraid that I will disappoint this wonderful man and I cry, I am so happy to have found such a wonderful man who loves me unconditionally and actually cares for me and I cry. I am afraid that he will come to his senses and decide to end this wonderful relationship and I cry. I don't know how to handle this emotional rollercoaster, I have always buried the hurt and drank away any other emotions that tried to surface.

Do I need to face this head on and cry it out? Get angry over my husband cheating on me, forgive him and her, move on and leave the past in the past? This is the hard part.

Thanks for listening. I am truly blessed to have stumbled on this site.

Tammy

Anna

Well, this is just me, based on my experience - yes, I do think you have to get it all out in the open. Cry, write, do whatever it takes to deal with the pain of the past and move on. I try to remember that forgiveness is for me, not the other person. It lessens my burden. And, sometimes you need to forgive over and over again because it can't be done all at once.

Tammy, keep the focus on you and your recovery. Can you make plans to be doing something different this weekend, something that you wouldn't normally do? It might help you to get through the weekend.

Dee74

I agree with Anna - get it out

I also know you can do this - it's great you have support but you absolutely have to learn to rely on yourself. It's your job to keep you sober - not your friends

You have the strength and the commitment to do this tammygirl - we all do

D

tammygirl

I made it through day 6 and it was a struggle. I was up early enough to see the eclipse, do some early morning shopping with my son and did not arrive back home until 2:30 this afternoon. My daughter had another play date over, keeps me grounded to home so I can't give in to that voice telling me to go get beer, it's just a couple... I made leftovers for dinner, actually ate with the kids and had ice cream for dessert....all the while, just wanting a beer or two or ten! I went back and reread my first post from last week when I had the worst experience of my life and it helped me focus on why I am on here and what I am attempting to achieve....a life of sobriety.

Tomorrow will be the hardest and will also prove to be the 7th day...one week. I am nervous...but will again, try to keep myself really busy, focus, maybe hit the gym to watch the football game.

Thank you all for pointing out, that, although it's nice to have someone who supports me unconditionally, I need to be the one in control of my sobriety, noone else. The problem is, i'm afraid to put me in control of that, but I am going to give it my all and if I need help, i will reach out this time.

Just wanted to keep you all up to date. Still not sleeping well, but i'm not waking up hungover...smiles!