Cassandra48

Today is Day 9 and I'm really struggling. I felt great last night, like I could beat this. I was actually looking forward to today! So what happened? I'm totally unmotivated today and question if I'm strong enough. I know I can't go back, that was no way to live. The question is, am I strong enough to live this way. Looking forward is bleak. Don't know what to do

bozboz

You can beat this temptaion. Are you able to go to a N/A meeting?

simian66

Some days will be more trying than others. I'm sorry you are having difficulties today. Try and be in the 'now'. I know if I think too much about the past or the future I become debilitated. Please clutch onto those 9 days! They are precious!

Bare in mind that this sobriety thing gets easier over time. If it remained at the early stage of those intense urges, I would have never given up drug (ab)use. When I was writing myself off for a quarter of a century, ever day became the same. It was one monotonous blur of despair. Being sober makes everyday unique. You have got this far which is commendable! Tomorrow will be different. It will also be day 10! If you can do 10 days, two weeks is very close! Try and hang in there Cassandra! If you feel the urge to bust, why not log into the chat room and get some realtime encouragement? There are people who understand. Treasure those days you have under your belt! They are priceless and worth protecting. Keep looking after yourself. Good luck!

Shining~Again

I know what you mean. Totally!
Tonight you'll most likely feel really proud that you got through today.
That's the great thing about it - you only have to make through today - not tomorrow or next month.
It a pain in the butt when we're all feeling good and then the next day just rots, for whatever reason.
Is it possible for you just to snuggle up and have some comfort food, pop in a funny movie? Like, take a mental break for just you?

One.Day.At.A.Time.
You're doing great! Keep posting and I'm sure many people will have some suggestions to help.

Cassandra48

I don't know. I just can't stop crying today. How could I have done this to myself? How do I go on? I know, one day at a time........but what if tomorrow is no better? I just don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. Either way, high or sober, life seems very bleak right now. Just so you know, I have no drugs in the house, so even if I wanted to, I couldn't use. I don't even have the strength or desire to call or meet my dealer. I'm in no danger of having a relapse today. It's my emotional state that I'm concerned about. Everyone will be home soon, my eyes are all red and the house is a mess......great. Life sucks right now and I have no one to blame but myself.

For those of you who have said that I've inspired you, I'm truly sorry to disappoint you. How can THIS be an inspiration......I feel so weak.

lostgirl25

(Cassandra48) it sounds like the depressed state is hitting you. This happened to me also. You have been so strong and inspirational but our brains have been altered and need time to heal. I can't remember all the medical terms but the crying and feeling so hopeless is part of the accepting I need a higher power to get me through this. A N/A meeting would help.

The 12 step program is keeping me sane. I need to work on how the drugs altered my thinking and behavior. Now we have to accept the addiction as a disease. Depression is debilitating and it is real. Many of us need the help of a doctor, therapist, or counselor to get through the bad times. I am thinking and praying for you to stay strong and tomorrow will be better. Keep posting and reading.

sophiamarie2007

(((Cassandra)))--The depressed state is horrible. I am going through it too but my doctor prescribed an SSRI which is helping alot. My brain just feels flat right now and I am hoping things brighten up in weeks to come. It's so hard going day by day in this state, but everyone says it gets better. Congratulations on 9 days, just think tommorrow will be 10!! Sending you strength and hugs.

simian66

What you have done to yourself is choose to not use drugs. That is a good thing. Remember how you said you felt last night? And now today it is almost the opposite. Things may be very rocky for a little while. Up and down, all over the place. Your emotions may be intense for a while too. But just like yesterday was different to today, so tomorrow can be.

Look at you. You have admitted you want change, you are saying a clear NO to the abuse and right now you are doing something about it. That's inspirational.

OwlFeathers

**************** Cassandra}}}}}}}} Crying is a good thing. I say, bawl your eyes out, it is very therapuetic. Your doing great. You will get through this. Don't worry about yesterdy or tomorrow. Just know that today, your good. 9 days is wonderful! You are stronger than you think.

Vigo

Try taking it an hour at a time. Or, one song at a time. Play some of your favorite music, and take it one song at a time.

Pandie

Keep holding on!! You can do this!

GravyDave

How are you holding up Cassandra? Did you make it through another drug-free day? You have been in my thoughts and I'm hoping you made it through today. Tomorrow is another day! That's what I keep telling myself. Stay strong!

Cassandra48

I made it through another drug fee day today. It was a rough one, but relapsing is not an option. I keep telling myself the same thing. Hopefully it'll be a better day for me. How are you doing?

GravyDave

I've been struggling a bit lately. I posted in my thread that I started on here. But congratulations, I'm proud of you! Getting to Day 10 would be a major, major accomplishment for me. Keep going and stay strong!

Cassandra48

I'm trying Dave, I really am.

OwlFeathers

:ghug3:ghug3 Yay Cassandra!!!!!!! Big hugs!

Spica

Hi Cassandra - has anyone shared the PAWS link with you?

PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms) will pop up from time to time after we go through hard detox. The symptoms are perfectly normal and we can make it through...

I personally like this link - another member here shared it with me when I got clean and it is great because not only does it explain what our bodies are going through but it also provides suggestions on how to cope...

PAWS « Digital Dharma

Definitely worth a read...

Hope you feel better soon!

neferkamichael

I'm 84 days off crack today and I just suffer through it one day at a time. It's get better for me and it will for you too. Hang in there, and have enjoy the holidays.

chained

YOU DID IT!!!
You are an inspiration to me, even after my 2 years and a little blip. You inspire me because no matter what day or year we are on, we all have a little bit of each other in us. That is what makes meetings and this place so great. We all get it and if time weren't a factor, we could all just as easily be in one another's shoes. Here is how you inspired me today...
1. You recognized within yourself that you were having a hard day (you could have turned your feelings of hopelessness into anger and taken it out on everyone else)
2. You did something about it by coming here
3. You asked for help
4. You acknowledged that you were continuing to struggle after the help was given, but you were still fighting
5. Though relapse is always an option, YOU took it out of your options.
6. You provided a thread for people like me to read to see that even when we are having that REALLY depressed day or week that we can do it too. Its pretty cool to read from beginning to end.
7. YOU MADE IT!

So, do you still think that you are not an inspiration? At each one of these points, YOU had a choice. They say relapse often happens way before the actual use occurs. You made great choices today, even when you were feeling really low. You should be incredibly proud of that. That is why you inspire me!

Cassandra48

Thank you so much chained. I've been reading your last post to me over and over again. If you had asked me to list reasons why yesterday was successful despite the despair I was in, I would have only thought of one......I didn't use. You have a gift with words for sure. You should be a councelor or motivational speaker. I'm not sure what you do for work, but I hope it involves writing, or helping others. Today is Day 10. My sober date is November 27th. I had a touch of night sweats last night, but it wasn't bad enough to keep me awake. I'm going to try and get moving today. Wallowing around in the house and feeling sorry for myself is just making me feel worse. Why am I feeling sorry for myself? I'm doing a good thing! I had my run with drugs and it had to stop. It was a longer run than I ever intended, but it's over. I can't look back, I just have to look forward.