tammygirl

I was doing so well and I caved in Wednesday and yesterday. I woke up this morning still drunk and now the anxiety, sweats, heart racing, naseaus is setting in. I'm afraid I'm going to die or have a heart attack and feel horrible. I'm shaking and feeling so much guilt and regret. WHY DID I DO IT?? WHY CAN'T I STOP?

All I want for Christmas is to be sober and stopped drinking. I KNOW I can't moderate, I can never drink again, and yet I do. The hatred I feel for myself is awful.

It's 3:15 in the afternoon on a Friday and I feel lousy. PLEASE, PLEASE, SOMEONE TELL HOW TO MAKE THIS GO AWAY AND HOW TO STAY STOPPED DRINKING?

I feel like I am such a failure, a loser, no willpower.

My stomach is killing me and no appetite.

doggonecarl

You are not a failure, or a loser. I think you are a person in the grip of something (alcoholism, perhaps) that you can't fix on your own. You said in an earlier post that you had attended AA and that helped, but it made you think you had it under control. Obviously not. Why not go back to AA. Get a sponsor, work the steps. AA works for so many; but it isn't meeting attendance that keeps them sober. It's working the program.

Give it all you've got and you've got a chance.

DarrenW

What triggered you to drink? Were you at a party and feeling shy? Were you searching for something that you thought alcohol could solve (stress, fear, etc), but in actuality makes your problems worse. Today you feel stressed, scared, etc etc. It is a temporary crutch that makes things so much worse. I have just come to envision that it does not provide the benefits that I thought:

Overcome shyness: sure, but makes me do and say stupid things. its better to be yourself than act a fool.

Relax: hell no- makes me depressed, cant sleep good

See where I am going- whatever the reason we drink, alcohol cannot really help.

Anna

So, figure out why you decided to drink on Wednesday and on Thursday and find a way to make it a learning experience for you. What changes can you make today to prevent that happening again? Do you have alcohol in your home?

You are not a loser. You have a disease.

tammygirl

Darren, I don't know what made me want to drink. Maybe stress, but I don't feel stressed.

Alcohol is not my friend and yet I seem to think it is.

I need to go back to AA and work the program and keep on here. Just a couple of days away will drive me right back to my old thinking.

The anxiety that I am going through right now is horrible and the fear just intensifies it. I have xanax that I take for anxiety, but it is not coming close to helping, of course I only took half of a tablet, but I have a fear of overdosing on prescriptions, but don't think twice at how much alcohol I put into my body.

Nights are the worst when this happens and I know better. I have been in the ER several times for severe anxiety only to find out it was caused from drinking.

TODAY WILL BE MY DAY 1, the beginning of what I hope will be a beautiful life. I may have to take it 5 minutes at a time, but I can't give up on this.

I wish I was one of the lucky people who say, something just clicked and they never looked back.

DarrenW

I am pulling for you! You can do it

Dee74

Hi Tammy

You're not a loser - you're just addicted...addiction's illogical and doesn't care about willpower or anything else. But we can learn to beat it

I used to wish I was one of those people too - & eventually I was

If what you've been doing has not been enough, think of things to add to it...if you've tried things before that worked, go back to them...& keep reaching out for support here.

We can all change our lives if we make enough changes

D

instant

It is addiction, keep trying and you will get there. Try not to focus on the discomforts and the part of you that tells you it is a good idea to drink.

If you are really aware of how much you are struggling, I recommend reading the Big Book (free online). Despite it's age it really helped understand what is going on.

langkah

That's the way it happened, Tammy. I began AA meetings at age 21 and 7 years later it just clicked for me when I got around to doing all the stuff.

Hope you're a little sharper and can cut your lag time.

tammygirl

Thank you all! I know the meetings work, I know I need to ask for help and support and I know I have to let go of a lot of things in my past that I carry as baggage....I can't keep blaming an abused childhood, a horrible marriage, messy divorce, weight gain, my mother walking out on us when i was 14...these are in the past and I cannot change it. I can accept it and get past it, without alcohol. in fact, the alcohol allows me to hold onto all those horrible things and tells me to self medicate.....i'm tired of the lies that Miller Lite tells me.

I need to regroup and really need to get back to church...when my marriage failed, I stopped going and began drinking...that was almost 5 years ago and I need to step up to the plate this time around!

sugarbear1

You drank because as an alcoholic, we drink. The obsession to drink along with the physical allergy....one is too many, 1000 is never enough. Find someone to guide you through the steps quickly, for relief, then practice 10, 11, 12 and begin at 1-12 more slowly, not stopping ....

Relief is real!