Adjusting to Change
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
Adjusting to Change
Hey Folks -
I'm not sure exactly what I want to say - but I wanted to share my thoughts with you all because maybe somebody out there could relate and gleen something from it!
As you all know, my life is changing... in a big way. Nothing seems to be the same anymore. I am in the process of divorcing my AH, whom I'm still sharing a house with. We no longer sleep/bath in the same rooms - I have moved to the guest room/spare bath. I have moved my most worn clothing and dresser into the guest room. I feel better about my living situation now that I've carved out some "me" space. But, the whole situation is awkward, limbo-landish. My closest in the guest room is very small and didn't have enough room for all my clothes - some stayed behind in our walk-in closet. I went in there this morning and noticed that my AH had taken my remaining stuff and shoved/crammed it into a corner and spread his stuff out into my part of the closet. It felt wierd to see it - but I understand his need to establish "his space" too.
Thanksgiving was tough - separating out time for each of us with the kids - but we got through it. We put the tree up together, somewhat... for the kids sake. It was hard to dig through all the ornaments and memories. I wish that I wasn't living here but it is what it is. My hope/plan is to be in my own rental by mid-January.
I'm suppose to be winding down my outstanding projects under my business... in preparation for starting my new job this coming Monday - but I'm having no luck focusing. While I'm excited about the new job, I'm scared/nervous. This is the first "job" I've had in 7 years. I know it's the right decision... and I know that I will do fine. I'm just... I don't know what I feel. Sad, nervous, anxious...
So many things are changing, yet somethings (that I really want to change - ie living together) aren't changing fast enough.
Today is my AH's birthday. I helped the kids purchase and wrap gifts for him. They wanted to have the neighbors over for dinner and cake tonight so I helped them organize it. I do still love my AH, and want him to have a nice day. Helping the kids for his birthday and getting him a nice (but definetely detached!) card was, in my mind, detachment with love.
I'm no longer his wife, but that doesn't mean I need to be cold/distant. I know I don't want to me married to him anymore... but am still dealing with residual feelings of care/concern.
I know all this change, while painful and scary right now, is the *right* thing for me. The "hell in the hallway" feelings seem to be subsiding and being replaced with calm acceptance. I feel like I'm doing a pretty good job adjusting. I'm by no means happy, but I'm not filled with rage/anger or flooded with tears and sadness either. I guess I've made progress, eh?
I'm grateful for my recovery. I'm grateful that I have been able to apply "Easy Does it!" "One Day at Time" "More will be Revealed!"... they have given me so much patience and courage to let life unfold before me, to allow me to have faith that my HP is watching over me... and yes, that everything WILL be okay - no matter the outcome.
I AM going to get through this.
Thanks for listening!
Shannon
I'm not sure exactly what I want to say - but I wanted to share my thoughts with you all because maybe somebody out there could relate and gleen something from it!
As you all know, my life is changing... in a big way. Nothing seems to be the same anymore. I am in the process of divorcing my AH, whom I'm still sharing a house with. We no longer sleep/bath in the same rooms - I have moved to the guest room/spare bath. I have moved my most worn clothing and dresser into the guest room. I feel better about my living situation now that I've carved out some "me" space. But, the whole situation is awkward, limbo-landish. My closest in the guest room is very small and didn't have enough room for all my clothes - some stayed behind in our walk-in closet. I went in there this morning and noticed that my AH had taken my remaining stuff and shoved/crammed it into a corner and spread his stuff out into my part of the closet. It felt wierd to see it - but I understand his need to establish "his space" too.
Thanksgiving was tough - separating out time for each of us with the kids - but we got through it. We put the tree up together, somewhat... for the kids sake. It was hard to dig through all the ornaments and memories. I wish that I wasn't living here but it is what it is. My hope/plan is to be in my own rental by mid-January.
I'm suppose to be winding down my outstanding projects under my business... in preparation for starting my new job this coming Monday - but I'm having no luck focusing. While I'm excited about the new job, I'm scared/nervous. This is the first "job" I've had in 7 years. I know it's the right decision... and I know that I will do fine. I'm just... I don't know what I feel. Sad, nervous, anxious...
So many things are changing, yet somethings (that I really want to change - ie living together) aren't changing fast enough.
Today is my AH's birthday. I helped the kids purchase and wrap gifts for him. They wanted to have the neighbors over for dinner and cake tonight so I helped them organize it. I do still love my AH, and want him to have a nice day. Helping the kids for his birthday and getting him a nice (but definetely detached!) card was, in my mind, detachment with love.
I'm no longer his wife, but that doesn't mean I need to be cold/distant. I know I don't want to me married to him anymore... but am still dealing with residual feelings of care/concern.
I know all this change, while painful and scary right now, is the *right* thing for me. The "hell in the hallway" feelings seem to be subsiding and being replaced with calm acceptance. I feel like I'm doing a pretty good job adjusting. I'm by no means happy, but I'm not filled with rage/anger or flooded with tears and sadness either. I guess I've made progress, eh?
I'm grateful for my recovery. I'm grateful that I have been able to apply "Easy Does it!" "One Day at Time" "More will be Revealed!"... they have given me so much patience and courage to let life unfold before me, to allow me to have faith that my HP is watching over me... and yes, that everything WILL be okay - no matter the outcome.
I AM going to get through this.
Thanks for listening!
Shannon
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
Yes, major life changes... work, divorce, and home. Ugh
It's so hard to be where I'm at right now. I have come a long way in my recovery. I have so much peace... and compassion. And it's sooo tough because a part of me keeps wanting to reach out to my AH - so that we could somehow just sit down the two of us and come to a peaceful agreement for our separation. I keep having these urges to call him up, ask him to meet for coffee... and then I remember - "The dog still bites." That while I have visions of logic discussions - I get yanked back to reality when I recall that last time I tried to "talk" to him... and he ranted/raved/blamed/deflected the whole time.
So I feel like this is being dragged on needlessly (and it is!) - I have no choice but to continue to let the attorneys handle this for now.
ugh... thank you all for letting me continue to ramble. I need to get all this out.
It's so hard to be where I'm at right now. I have come a long way in my recovery. I have so much peace... and compassion. And it's sooo tough because a part of me keeps wanting to reach out to my AH - so that we could somehow just sit down the two of us and come to a peaceful agreement for our separation. I keep having these urges to call him up, ask him to meet for coffee... and then I remember - "The dog still bites." That while I have visions of logic discussions - I get yanked back to reality when I recall that last time I tried to "talk" to him... and he ranted/raved/blamed/deflected the whole time.
So I feel like this is being dragged on needlessly (and it is!) - I have no choice but to continue to let the attorneys handle this for now.
ugh... thank you all for letting me continue to ramble. I need to get all this out.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
I agree - big changes - BIG Emotions and your are still in the middle of one of thie big changes so it's hard to consider yourself "finished" and ready to heal - the wound is still WIDE open!!
when things are at their worst, we need to be at our best - health-wise, recovery-wise, emotional-wise - so I suggest lots of self-care, recovery and taking care of YOU time that you can fit in (i know that's a tall order right now - lol)
Remember - First Things First, Next Right Thing and This too shall pass - to help you get thru the tough days!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
oh & venting here is always an excellent source of self-care!
when things are at their worst, we need to be at our best - health-wise, recovery-wise, emotional-wise - so I suggest lots of self-care, recovery and taking care of YOU time that you can fit in (i know that's a tall order right now - lol)
Remember - First Things First, Next Right Thing and This too shall pass - to help you get thru the tough days!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
oh & venting here is always an excellent source of self-care!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
Your post has really touched me.
It made me remember that feeling when finally letting go. Your words resonate so much with how I felt when I let go.
same feeling of calm, and peace with reality.
I promise you it just gets better from here.
You never know what life might bring, but as long as you stay true to yourself, as long as you trust the process, more will be revealed and everything will keep on getting better.
I wish you well
HUGS
It made me remember that feeling when finally letting go. Your words resonate so much with how I felt when I let go.
same feeling of calm, and peace with reality.
I promise you it just gets better from here.
You never know what life might bring, but as long as you stay true to yourself, as long as you trust the process, more will be revealed and everything will keep on getting better.
I wish you well
HUGS
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Ireland
Posts: 222
Sounds to me you are doing good...even though you don't think you are.
Hang in there - it is a tough position to be in...but it will come good for you in the end if you really want it.
Take care of yourself and your kids
M.
Hang in there - it is a tough position to be in...but it will come good for you in the end if you really want it.
Take care of yourself and your kids
M.
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