newpartner

i am new to this, and have just started dating and having really strong feelings towards a recovering alcoholic.

I have a strong instinct that my boyfriend is drinking heavily and dangerously in his flat on his own. he is a recovering alcoholic and had an alcohol related stroke / coma a few months ago. he was dry for a few weeks and the other day he started drinking again. he is now not answering his phone and it is out of character when he is sober. who should i contact? he lives in surrey and i am in london. when is it seen as an emergency because it could easily just be seen as me freaking out as i spoke to him at 4pm today and he sounded sober but like he was havin a hard time. i just dont want to leave it too late.

vujade

Welcome to SR. I know you must feel very frustrated and helpless right now. Unfortunately, the answer isn't as simple as you may want it be. I know this is probably all very new and confusing. You feel like you need to help him...need to do SOMETHING for him. The problem is, there is nothing you CAN do for him. He is doing exactly what he wants to do. It might be that he is stone cold sober and just doesn't hear the phone. It could be that he is drinking himself into another coma. I know just how your heart feels tonight not knowing the answer.

The absolute hardest thing I ever had to do was to watch the man I love drink himself to near-death...several times...and know there was nothing I could do. There were many nights when I was certain that I was going to get a wake-up call that announced his death. Once, when I was working out-of-town, I got a call from a neighbor asking if everything was OK because the paramedics were at my house. One day, I found myself thinking through the logistics of funeral arrangements.

I made numerous trips to the ER to talk him through yet another drunken medical emergency. I sat through visits from social workers and clinical psychologists. I made call after call after call many a night just hoping to hear his voice on the other end. I felt my heart leap out of my chest when I'd finally hear a text come through so I knew he was still alive. In the end...NONE of that made a difference to him. NONE of it.

I wish there was some easy fix...something that someone could tell you to do that would make all the difference in the world for him. But no one here can. All anyone can do is give you thoughts on what might make a difference for YOU. I know that's not what you came here hoping to hear tonight. I know you are feeling a little crazy and panicked. I hope you find a peaceful place tonight.

Stick around. Read the stickies at the top of the forum. Ask questions. Read posts. It will help your heart and help pass some time, if nothing else.

quitforme79

I am so sorry to hear you are going thru this but Vujade said it well and I agree..unfortunately there is nothing you can do for him. At this point you can only save yourself and I would run far and fast until/if he ever gets his act together. You MUST take care of you. Keep coming to the forums, you are not alone xoxo

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

I am glad you found us, but sorry about the reasons you are here.

Your ABF (alcoholic boyfriend) is doing what most alcoholics do: drinking - alone.

You did not Cause this
You can not Control this
You will not Cure this

Those are the 3 c's of addiction. The addiction belongs to the addict. Your ABF likely knows how and where to get help when he is ready.

To help you take your mind off of this latest situation, I suggest spending time reading and posting here.

There are permanent (sticky) posts at the top of the forum that contain some of our personal stories, as well as a load of wisdom.

We understand, and we are here to support you.