It is a bad day/Venting
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 328
It is a bad day/Venting
My mother is great at ruining many things in my life. As hard as I try, nothing will ever be right. She is the same way qwith my sisters. I love my mother, but I also depise her. I pray everyday that I will learn to just accept who and how she is, and not feel any animosity toward her. He is vindictive and spiteful, and would probably be satisfied if I failed at my sobriety, even when she seemed to be so supportive of it...that is just the way she works.
I am 41 days sober and will continue to remain sober. Not out of spite for her, but just for myself. Not to prove a point, but because unlike my mother, I do believe in myself. I have been praying all day today, and I will continue to. I will do whatever it takes not to let her continue pi**ing me off, and I will stay sober.
I am 41 days sober and will continue to remain sober. Not out of spite for her, but just for myself. Not to prove a point, but because unlike my mother, I do believe in myself. I have been praying all day today, and I will continue to. I will do whatever it takes not to let her continue pi**ing me off, and I will stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((BozBoz))) - way to go on 41 days!! Sorry your mom is the way she is. The more I've worked my recovery, the better I've gotten better and not letting others affect me (yet, still have a ways to go).
I always heard our parents know how to push our buttons because they installed them. My dad has a few issues, but I try to let them be HIS issues but it's hard sometimes.
Good for you on coming here and venting and working on your recovery! Don't know about you, but sometimes just getting it off my chest with people who understand is a relief.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I always heard our parents know how to push our buttons because they installed them. My dad has a few issues, but I try to let them be HIS issues but it's hard sometimes.
Good for you on coming here and venting and working on your recovery! Don't know about you, but sometimes just getting it off my chest with people who understand is a relief.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
Like I said elsewhere - we can't change them, but we can change the way we see things and how we react.
The most important thing is to not doubt yourself - you're doing great
Remember we're here as well
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
D
The most important thing is to not doubt yourself - you're doing great
Remember we're here as well
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
D
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
I understand bozboz. I have a similar situation. It's very hard to keep the toxic people in our lives from ruining things for us. My mother is a very complicated person, & she'd never believe it if she knew I felt that way. I've finally learned to rise above the nonsense - but it took alot of work.
Congratulations on your 41 days! That is fabulous We are so proud of you boz.
Congratulations on your 41 days! That is fabulous
We are so proud of you boz.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,518
I had to detach from my mother at the very outset of my recovery. I had wasted years of my life trying to win her approval and believing that if I just tried harder, I would be good enough. When I stopped drinking, I made the decision to remove her from my life and to only see her occasionally. I was able to begin rebuilding my self-esteem and to be able to feel pity for her.
You know that you are a worthwhile person.
You know that you are a worthwhile person.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
I love that, "parents know how to push our buttons because they installed them".
Bozboz,
Your Mum sounds a bit like me. My son triggers me no end but I am trying hard not to be such a biiitch.
I am sure if we lined up our family members and asked to choose some potential friends from them, we would walk away preferring to be alone.
Stay sober, stay strong, my relationship with my son is definitely improving, despite the triggers. I am looking forward to a time when we can honestly express our feelings with out any friction, it's already beginning.
Happy thanksgiving
Bozboz,
Your Mum sounds a bit like me. My son triggers me no end but I am trying hard not to be such a biiitch.
I am sure if we lined up our family members and asked to choose some potential friends from them, we would walk away preferring to be alone.
Stay sober, stay strong, my relationship with my son is definitely improving, despite the triggers. I am looking forward to a time when we can honestly express our feelings with out any friction, it's already beginning.
Happy thanksgiving
You Have To Do It For Yourself
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 29
bozboz,
Congratulations on your 41 days. I know exactly what you mean as I have the same relationship with my mother. You're being tested ... and you're Passing. All the strength in the world to you my friend. Good Luck
Congratulations on your 41 days. I know exactly what you mean as I have the same relationship with my mother. You're being tested ... and you're Passing. All the strength in the world to you my friend. Good Luck
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 587
I actually started praying for my mom. It is sad to see how she is and what she became..... Once I started praying for her it helped me to move on with my life. I know I will never be good enough for her or do the right thing, but hey, I do not need to, and it is sad for her to live with ehr expectations.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Boz Boz,
It isn't just women and sisters that have issues with parents. My Mom was a mess too. I got out at age 15 from an abusive step dad she married, and loved my Mom best over the phone and from across the continent. She is gone now and I am glad I gave her some love before she died. At your age you probably have a few decades left for both of you you to get a better handle on family without pain. But you are wiser than you realize. You can't change her, but you can work on yourself. I am so glad you value yourself, the rest is coming for you I promise.
:ghug3
It isn't just women and sisters that have issues with parents. My Mom was a mess too. I got out at age 15 from an abusive step dad she married, and loved my Mom best over the phone and from across the continent. She is gone now and I am glad I gave her some love before she died. At your age you probably have a few decades left for both of you you to get a better handle on family without pain. But you are wiser than you realize. You can't change her, but you can work on yourself. I am so glad you value yourself, the rest is coming for you I promise.
:ghug3
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 328
Thank you, everyone. I hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving, (except for Dee, I hope you have a FABULOUS Thursday, LOL)
Seriously though...it's an awesome feeling to know that I have so many people who can relate to my issues, and some who have become friends.
I am definitely grateful for SR.
Seriously though...it's an awesome feeling to know that I have so many people who can relate to my issues, and some who have become friends.
I am definitely grateful for SR.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,047
I am 41 days sober and will continue to remain sober. Not out of spite for her, but just for myself.
Secondly - You're looking out for YOU, don't get down over it, you're improving your life and doing everything to make your life better - Never let anyone change you unless you're willing to accept the change in the first place.
I love your posts bozboz and hope you have a great thanksgiving also.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
