AH relapsed – just sad
once in a . . .
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: looking in / looking out
Posts: 1,214
AH relapsed – just sad
AH came home from doing errands today stoned – he’d been sober for 3 1/2 yrs until 6 wks ago when he relapsed – since then he’s been struggling with whiskey and huffing paint thinner (scary) –
It was so surreal – I stayed so calm – I didn’t 12 step him, I didn’t get mad, I didn’t cry – my stomach hurt and I wanted to throw up but I stayed calm + prayed + prayed for help + guidance – and tried to remember all I’ve learned in Al-anon -
I wouldn’t let him huff in the apartment – partly cuz I couldn’t take the smell – I couldn’t breath! And partly cuz I couldn’t bear to see him that way. I made him go out in the hallway. He was in + out every 5 minutes for almost 2 hours.
Finally I told him I just couldn’t take it any more and was going to have to find some place else to sleep tonight.
He gave me that sad puppy look and left. All very anticlimatic.
I’m scared + sad. I don’t know where he is or if he’s safe or if he’ll come back tomorrow – one sad thing is that my chest + stomach don’t hurt near as much as they did when he was here . . . he’s in HP’s hands now – I can’t fix him – God knows I have tried these past 20 years. He’s s’posed to go on a men’s AA retreat this weekend and I hope that he makes it back home so he can go on that – maybe it’ll revitalize him – but there I go – trying to fix him again! At least I am getting better at catching myself – I need to remember to Let go + Let God.
(the apartment still reeks of thinner even with the windows open
)
Blue
It was so surreal – I stayed so calm – I didn’t 12 step him, I didn’t get mad, I didn’t cry – my stomach hurt and I wanted to throw up but I stayed calm + prayed + prayed for help + guidance – and tried to remember all I’ve learned in Al-anon -
I wouldn’t let him huff in the apartment – partly cuz I couldn’t take the smell – I couldn’t breath! And partly cuz I couldn’t bear to see him that way. I made him go out in the hallway. He was in + out every 5 minutes for almost 2 hours.
Finally I told him I just couldn’t take it any more and was going to have to find some place else to sleep tonight.
He gave me that sad puppy look and left. All very anticlimatic.
I’m scared + sad. I don’t know where he is or if he’s safe or if he’ll come back tomorrow – one sad thing is that my chest + stomach don’t hurt near as much as they did when he was here . . . he’s in HP’s hands now – I can’t fix him – God knows I have tried these past 20 years. He’s s’posed to go on a men’s AA retreat this weekend and I hope that he makes it back home so he can go on that – maybe it’ll revitalize him – but there I go – trying to fix him again! At least I am getting better at catching myself – I need to remember to Let go + Let God.
(the apartment still reeks of thinner even with the windows open
)Blue
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Oh my, Bluemoon!
I'm so sorry this has happened. I am also proud of you for standing up to his addiction and saying "Not here, not now"
Do you have someone from Alanon you can call and talk with tonight? You can always vent and share here as much as needed.
We are here to support you!
@DarrenW - welcome to SR! AH = Addicted/Alcoholic Husband
HP = Higher Power
I'm so sorry this has happened. I am also proud of you for standing up to his addiction and saying "Not here, not now"
Do you have someone from Alanon you can call and talk with tonight? You can always vent and share here as much as needed.
We are here to support you!
@DarrenW - welcome to SR! AH = Addicted/Alcoholic Husband
HP = Higher Power
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 566
Oh, Blue, I'm sending you a great big huge hug right now.
You know, you sound really good. REALLY good. And of course we all know that doesn't mean it's easy, or that it feels good.
I'm sorry for your AH's pain and choices. But you...you're getting better. How wonderful that you could respond that way!
Whether or not he makes the AA weekend, you are working the program, not the problem.
Thinking of you, cheering for you~
posie
You know, you sound really good. REALLY good. And of course we all know that doesn't mean it's easy, or that it feels good.
I'm sorry for your AH's pain and choices. But you...you're getting better. How wonderful that you could respond that way!
Whether or not he makes the AA weekend, you are working the program, not the problem.
Thinking of you, cheering for you~
posie
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